Should we make it legal before the wedding date?

calindi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:530b2933-c6ae-4909-a794-f55634d7f64e">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date? : I was being completely sarcastic because that is what a lot of people automatically assume, they the couple plans on hiding it from their family and friends.
Posted by Victoria2013[/QUOTE]

Usually, I ask. In this case, the poster made it clear that she has no intention of telling anyone. She said her Mom suggested JOPing in secret, but that she won't even tell her Mom that they're going to actually go forward with that route.

SammyJ0J0 · November 2010

Ok for starters dont read into what i was saying and second i never called you a name i said you were being that way i did not say thats the way you are i just said it was the way you were being. And i am not marrying him for the insurance, so that was a misunderstanding ion your part and a mistype on my part. I am not causing all sorts of hell here honeslty i am making my opinion clear like you did. You were soo quick to jump and presume thats why we are getting married instead of asking you were more confrontational about it so thats why i proceeded how i did. The reason all in all we are gettiing married for the THIRD time is so if he gets stationed somewhere we can be close to one another. Not for healthcare, or any other benefit. That is the honest to god truth. Believe what you will but that is the truth. Nothing to do with milking off the government and stealing from them.

bablingbrooke · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:e8b41430-71b1-4e4e-94a9-8cdd41f5451f">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok for starters dont read into what i was saying and second i never called you a name i said you were being that way i did not say thats the way you are i just said it was the way you were being. And i am not marrying him for the insurance, so that was a misunderstanding ion your part and a mistype on my part. I am not causing all sorts of hell here honeslty i am making my opinion clear like you did. You were soo quick to jump and presume thats why we are getting married instead of asking you were more confrontational about it so thats why i proceeded how i did. The reason all in all we are gettiing married for the THIRD time is so if he gets stationed somewhere we can be close to one another. Not for healthcare, or any other benefit. That is the honest to god truth. Believe what you will but that is the truth. Nothing to do with milking off the government and stealing from them.
Posted by SammyJ0J0[/QUOTE]
Then let that be the start of your married life. No need to have the big party. My grandparents got married by the JOP in the face of an imminent WWII military deployment and were happily married for 60 years. I have tremendous respect for people who do that. Having a second "wedding" that I am paying for as a taxpayer pisses me off.<div>
</div><div>Also, hitting the shift key with the "i" gives you a capital "I" and makes it much easier for people to read your posts. It takes only 1/10 of a second. Just a little FYI there.</div>

Victoria2013 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:4b3e8fd5-7f3f-4c08-bee2-2eead1c9a1a4">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Having a second "wedding" that I am paying for as a taxpayer pisses me off.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>So basically what you are saying is if a military couple JOPs because they want to be together and ensure they will be at the next duty station together they shouldn't be able to have their big wedding that they are saving up for later on with their family and friends? Why would it piss you off on how the couple choose to spend THEIR base pay? That money was earned, just like a civilian's pay check, am I not right. And last time I checked military members are taxed as well, unless they are at a deployed location, so they are putting money towards their own paycheck.

</div>

1ofThoseDays · November 2010

Not all members of the military have state taxes and they are in a lower tax bracket because their BAH and BAS are non-taxable.

calindi · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:3238c359-db97-43ee-8c83-4e97aab65d71">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date? : So basically what you are saying is if a military couple JOPs because they want to be together and ensure they will be at the next duty station together they shouldn't be able to have their big wedding that they are saving up for later on with their family and friends? Why would it piss you off on how the couple choose to spend THEIR base pay? That money was earned, just like a civilian's pay check, am I not right. And last time I checked military members are taxed as well, unless they are at a deployed location, so they are putting money towards their own paycheck.
Posted by Victoria2013[/QUOTE]

The opinions vary on this - some people think you shouldn't have a second party at all, because you pick how you have your wedding. JOPing to be together is a silly reason - I moved across the country without someone paying for my move so that I could be with my man.

I personally feel you're welcome to have a second big party, and you can even call it your "wedding" as long as you don't get married by JOP and pretend you aren't actually married - by accepting more money and benefits that are alloted for married couples, you should at least be publically presenting yourself as a married couple. If you are married in secret, then you have no right to collect those benefits. Do you see the difference?

Plenty of people get married by JOP, tell their families that they chose to get married sooner so they could move together to his next duty station, and that they will have a great vow renewal "big white wedding" at some point soon. Families and friends understand this for the most part, and are willing and happy to celebrate with you. This is definitely the more ethical way to go about this.

Last, military BAH isn't taxed, and service members who aren't married typically live in barracks without BAH. Service members who are married receive BAH, which is increased slightly by having "dependents", so that they can afford the cost of living off base to support their family. Thus, if you accept BAH as a married couple while pretending you're just engaged, you're abusing the system. If you save up that BAH to pay for a wedding, it's deceptive, against the spirit of the policy.

Have you ever heard "If you abuse it, you'll lose it"? If the system keeps getting taken advantage of to pay for people's weddings, they're going to make it harder eventually and have to cut benefits. None of us would be happy if that happened.

mrhbabe00 · December 2010

My fiancee and me were thinking about doing a jop b4 he deploys because i M expecting an he wants us to be ok so he doesnt have to worry about me an our child an then when he cmes home he wants the wedding as well as i do.. I wasn't even thinking about it before he said something about it... Would that be ok or is that a gold digger for u also

Beachy730 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:e7d07127-9eb7-4702-a12f-8fa86e922b56">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancee and me were thinking about doing a jop b4 he deploys because i M expecting an he wants us to be ok so he doesnt have to worry about me an our child an then when he cmes home he wants the wedding as well as i do.. I wasn't even thinking about it before he said something about it... Would that be ok or is that a gold digger for u also
Posted by mrhbabe00[/QUOTE]

Well I'm going to say no it's not okay, because the way you type makes you sound like a child. If you can't even take the couple seconds to type out full words and finish the word "and," then I think you are waaayyyy too young and immature to be getting married or have a baby. This isn't a text message to your high school girlfriends. This is an international message board where if you want to be taken seriously as an adult you should type like one.

calindi · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:e7d07127-9eb7-4702-a12f-8fa86e922b56">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiancee and me were thinking about doing a jop b4 he deploys because i M expecting an he wants us to be ok so he doesnt have to worry about me an our child an then when he cmes home he wants the wedding as well as i do.. I wasn't even thinking about it before he said something about it... Would that be ok or is that a gold digger for u also
Posted by mrhbabe00[/QUOTE]

Do you get the point here?

1) When and why you choose to get married is up to you, as long as you legitimately want to be married (not JUST for benefits, but also a legitimate intention to be married to each other for life).

2) However you do it, when you DO get married, be honest about it to family & friends, especially if you intend to accept benefits (including healthcare) as part of being a married couple.

So sure, you can JOP so you can be covered under TriCare. But if you're going to get benefits from being married, don't pretend publically that you're not.

If you want to still have a traditional wedding day when he comes back, it would be technically/legally a vow renewal, but you can do all the traditional things - wear a white dress, exchange vows, have a cake, throw your bouquet. Whatever your heart desires - some people believe this is their religious wedding, and the JOP is their legal wedding. I have no issues with that way of looking at things if it's your belief system.

The key thing that indicates a gold digger is someone who is cheating the system - look, if you were to report to the government that you were homeless and unemployed to collect welfare and unemployment benefits, but meanwhile you're living in your grandma's guest room with a big screen TV and babysitting for cash - you're cheating the system. It's not only wrong morally, it's illegal. And it's the same situation in the military. If you're married and accepting benefits as part of being married, be married publically.

Gismo123 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:4348cf90-b505-4bb7-a740-ebb81caafb70">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]Not all members of the military have <strong>state taxes</strong> and they are in a lower tax bracket because their BAH and BAS are non-taxable.
Posted by 1ofThoseDays[/QUOTE]

State Tax goes towards STATE FUNCTIONS....has NOTHING to do with paying the MILITARY which is a FEDERAL JOB....and there is no such thing as a lower tax bracket for being Military lmao where the hell did you hear that from? When I was Military I got taxed just the same from the IRS and the State of California. The only thing true about your comment is that some States don't tax but that's not just for the Military that's for everyone who lives in that state! The ONLY time you don't have to pay a state tax in a state that normally charges it is when you are stationed OVERSEAS for the ENTIRE year. Also it's true you aren't taxed on bas or bah but that goes for ANY job that gives you a housing allowance not just the Military.

amber2123 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:bbd770ea-c9dc-4e21-b3ff-7ff230b5e543">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date? : State Tax goes towards STATE FUNCTIONS....has NOTHING to do with paying the MILITARY which is a FEDERAL JOB....and there is no such thing as a lower tax bracket for being Military lmao where the hell did you hear that from? When I was Military I got taxed just the same from the IRS and the State of California. The only thing true about your comment is that some States don't tax but that's not just for the Military that's for everyone who lives in that state! The ONLY time you don't have to pay a state tax in a state that normally charges it is when you are stationed OVERSEAS for the ENTIRE year. Also it's true you aren't taxed on bas or bah but that goes for ANY job that gives you a housing allowance not just the Military.
Posted by Gismo123[/QUOTE]
1) I was in the military and I didn't have to pay taxes to Illinois, but when I got out and was working security for the DOD, I had to pay taxes. The DOD is still a federal job.
2) Base pay for E3 is $20,735. That puts them where they pay 15% in taxes. In San Diego BAH is $1893 a month which multiplies out to $22,716(more than their base pay), then add BAS $323.87 a month-3886.44 to make a total of $47337.44 per year. That puts them in a bracket where they should be paying 25% in taxes.
3) You have a point about other jobs where housing is provided and it's not taxable. The difference is I get $10,000 on top of my salary for travel. Every year I have to submit my travel expenses to my employer. If I only spend $5,000, the rest is considered "unused pay" and I have to pay taxes on it. The military dosn't have to do this.

Gismo123 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:d9581167-2292-48f1-b539-715fa5808ff7">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date? : 1) <strong>I was in the military and I didn't have to pay taxes to Illinois, but when I got out and was working security for the DOD, I had to pay taxes. The DOD is still a federal job</strong>. 2) Base pay for E3 is $20,735. That puts them where they pay 15% in taxes. In San Diego BAH is $1893 a month which multiplies out to $22,716(more than their base pay), then add BAS $323.87 a month-3886.44 to make a total of $47337.44 per year. That puts them in a bracket where they should be paying 25% in taxes. 3) You have a point about other jobs where housing is provided and it's not taxable. The difference is I get $10,000 on top of my salary for travel. Every year I have to submit my travel expenses to my employer. If I only spend $5,000, the rest is considered "unused pay" and I have to pay taxes on it. The military dosn't have to do this.
Posted by amber2123[/QUOTE]

<strong>
MY </strong>point is that STATE taxes DO NOT pay for Military salaries in any way and that is what the other poster was trying to say did pay the salary. Federal taxes are what goes towards funding the Military. Granted some states.....like California, which I live in, give money to fund the Border Patrol but that is a STATE JOB and not Military. And ya The housing and BAS is tax free for Military but so is going to the NEX/PX/BX....should we start crying and complaining about people who go and buy a computer tax free for their friend who is NOT Military so he/she doesn't have to pay taxes on it? Isn't that cheating the State government? Shouldn't the tax free store only be for that Military member and their dependants and NOT for anyone else since people want to nit pick about benefits?

People keep whinnying and crying about a really dumb issue. Who cares why or how they get married they have to live with the decision not you. Move on and worry about something more important and stop getting your panties in a bunch!

Beachy730 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_military-brides_should-legal-before-wedding-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:13Discussion:6c81c8c4-d2ea-4010-9010-b99e8d0a8f92Post:86d066d3-d3a3-4f0e-af8c-439d7f1a268c">Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date? : MY point is that STATE taxes DO NOT pay for Military salaries in any way and that is what the other poster was trying to say did pay the salary. Federal taxes are what goes towards funding the Military. Granted some states.....like California, which I live in, give money to fund the Border Patrol but that is a STATE JOB and not Military. And ya The housing and BAS is tax free for Military but so is going to the NEX/PX/BX....should we start crying and complaining about people who go and buy a computer tax free for their friend who is NOT Military so he/she doesn't have to pay taxes on it? Isn't that cheating the State government? Shouldn't the tax free store only be for that Military member and their dependants and NOT for anyone else since people want to nit pick about benefits? <strong>People keep whinnying and crying about a really dumb issue. Who cares why or how they get married they have to live with the decision not you. Move on and worry about something more important and stop getting your panties in a bunch!
</strong>Posted by Gismo123[/QUOTE]

I'm not making any more comments on this issue. But seriously, this thread has been dead for a week. FINALLY. And you are the one who came back to argue a "dumb issue" a week later. Now please move on, and let this thread officially die and stay dead.

Should we make it legal before the wedding date?

Re: Should we make it legal before the wedding date?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards