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need advice! sister/MOH

rammamandarammamanda
First Comment
in Chit Chat
So I have been struggling with some issues with my twin sister as my MOH. Her and I have had a rocky relationship for the past few years and I thought that asking her to be my MOH would help repair our relationship by giving us something to bond over. Unfortunately it has had the opposite effect. At first she was very excited and wanted to help with most things. We went dress shopping together and she helped me fill out my save the dates. Then other life things have had her very distracted, she has her own set of twins as well as a boyfriend who absoultely hates me. (sorry to get into dramatics but I feel its easier for you guys to give me an opinion with more background info) I'm pretty understanding that she has a lot going on right now and try to give her VERY advance notice of everything so she has time to plan accordingly. For the past few months every time I try to get ahold of her she either ignores me completely, or gives me an excuse last minute as to why she can't come or can't afford to buy shoes etc. etc.

Like I said I try to give very advance notice so she has time to plan accordingly financially and schedule wise. I kind of feel that when she accepted to be my MOH she knew that there were certain obligations she was going to have such as buying a dress, shoes, accessories, hair-do etc. and she should be planning for these things. But when I bring them up she gets very angry with me and rants and raves about how she can't afford anything. If I had the extra money I would buy everything for her but my Fiance and I have a very strict budget when it comes to this wedding that we have to stick to. My wedding is in 3 months an I don't know what to do. Some people are telling me to kick her out others are telling me to just deal with it. But I'm tired and stressing! PLEASE HELP!!!
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Re: need advice! sister/MOH

  • bratto06bratto06
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Did you ever sit down with her and ask what her budget for this event is? Sometimes it does come at a bad time but if you sit down with people in the wedding party and talk it out sometimes it is easier..As for the hair she doesnt have to get her hair done if you want her to go get it done you  have to pay for it...I know it sucks but those are the rules unless she wants it done . But if we as brides want that we have to pay..All they have to do is buy dress and shoes and show up happy and sober
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    You shouldnt be stressed! This is YOUR wedding and of course things are going to stress you out, but being stressed out about having to rely on a person is not something you should have to do.

    My aunt had her wedding last fall and from what you are saying it sounds like your going through some of the same issues she had with her maid of honor. What she did was ask for her to step down from maid of honor and become a bridesmaid. One of her other friends became the maid of honor and everything worked out for her.

    I know your issue isnt quite the same since this your still running into the issue with her not wanting to pay for the things that are normally included when saying yes to taking that roll, but maybe the best thing for you to do, if you really cant afford to pay for the stuff, is ask her to enjoy the wedding as a guest.
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  • rammamandarammamanda
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:3b1f5d95-c8cf-4fac-9b87-7e1cc02a72da">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]Did you ever sit down with her and ask what her budget for this event is? Sometimes it does come at a bad time but if you sit down with people in the wedding party and talk it out sometimes it is easier..As for the hair she doesnt have to get her hair done if you want her to go get it done you  have to pay for it...I know it sucks but those are the rules unless she wants it done . But if we as brides want that we have to pay..All they have to do is buy dress and shoes and show up happy and sober
    Posted by bratto06[/QUOTE]


    I havent actually had a chacne to talk to her about anything because every time I call/text her she ignores me and when I've just touched base on the subject shes in immediate defense mode and doesn't want to try and come to a compromise.
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  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    Im sorry, but I would try to be a little more understanding towards my sister who has twin babies.  I understand it's your wedding and that is top priority for you, but those babies are your sisters top priority and kids aren't cheap so if she has to say "Sorry I can't afford the shoes you're insisting on having us wear, but my babies need diapers."  If all of the little things such as shoes and hair are that important to you, you need to pay for them.  As far as you complaining that she never has time to do all the running and odds and ends you seem to think she's required to participate in as your MOH, you're wrong.  Her only "job requirements" are to buy her dress (which she did) and show up for your wedding.  That's it.

    I think you are being a tad selfish in expecting your sister to drop her life with her new babies and her boyfriend just because you're getting married.  Just remember this, babies outrank weddings.
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  • rammamandarammamanda
    First Comment
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:bcf8913b-77fe-406b-8bd7-6218a3c98614">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]You shouldnt be stressed! This is YOUR wedding and of course things are going to stress you out, but being stressed out about having to rely on a person is not something you should have to do. My aunt had her wedding last fall and from what you are saying it sounds like your going through some of the same issues she had with her maid of honor. What she did was ask for her to step down from maid of honor and become a bridesmaid. One of her other friends became the maid of honor and everything worked out for her. I know your issue isnt quite the same since this your still running into the issue with her not wanting to pay for the things that are normally included when saying yes to taking that roll, but maybe the best thing for you to do, if you really cant afford to pay for the stuff, is ask her to enjoy the wedding as a guest.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]


    Thank you for the advice. If I ever get a chance to actually talk to her that is a good idea. Ive thought about that but was worried due to her intense personality that would almost be as bad as kicking her out.
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  • rammamandarammamanda
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:e6d88282-e504-4ef8-8a71-bcdbb90cf18d">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to need advice! sister/MOH : 1. Asking someone to be your MOH doesn't really help with a relationship.  A lot of people seem to think it will but I don't think it does. 2. She should buy her dress, but if you are requiring specific shoes or hair, you should be paying. 3. Don't kick her out
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]


    Thank you. She actually didn't even purchase her dress though, as friend of mine in the bridal party purchased it for her as a favor so that expense is null and void. I'm realyl more upset at her lack of effort I guess? Its not that I expect her to wait on me hand and foot but the occaisionly communication would probably help rather than acting as if I don't exisit and complaing about having to participate. She wont even just come along to help pick things out and have her voice heard.
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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:bcf8913b-77fe-406b-8bd7-6218a3c98614">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]You shouldnt be stressed! This is YOUR wedding and of course things are going to stress you out, but being stressed out about having to rely on a person is not something you should have to do. My aunt had her wedding last fall and from what you are saying it sounds like your going through some of the same issues she had with her maid of honor. What she did was ask for her to step down from maid of honor and become a bridesmaid. One of her other friends became the maid of honor and everything worked out for her. I know your issue isnt quite the same since this your still running into the issue with her not wanting to pay for the things that are normally included when saying yes to taking that roll, but maybe the best thing for you to do, if you really cant afford to pay for the stuff, is ask her to enjoy the wedding as a guest.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    OP this is terrible advice please don't listen it.  The only thing a MOH or bridesmaid is required to do is buy the dress required and show up on your wedding day sober.  They are not required to plan pre-wedding parties, help with save the dates or invitations, write thank you notes, help with decorations, etc.  If  someone offers to do those things, that's fine, but they should not be expected or part of any duties.  The MOH and bridesmaid have no duties other than buying the dress and showing up.  If you want them to have their hair a certain way, wear specific shoes or wear matching jewelry, the bride must pay for all of those things.  They are also not required to plan a shower or bachelorette party for you.  If someone offers and does so great, but they are not requirements for getting married and many brides have MOH and bridesmaids who do not plan parties for the bride.  Your wedding is the most important thing to you, it's not going to be that way for everyone else.  Don't expect people to be as excited about your wedding as you are, everyone has many other things going on in their lives.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:28108036-0bb0-4de7-a100-099d4d7f7f44">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : You give terrible advice. I've seen you in action on the Wedding Party board.  Please stop.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    If you dont like my advice dont take it. This is what my aunt did and things worked out for her. Yeah, I do take being a MOH as being a kind of big deal, if you cant take on the obligations of being a MOH dont be one.
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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:b6c61a59-ab3a-4a42-a9b2-f3b3c475944f">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : If you dont like my advice dont take it. This is what my aunt did and things worked out for her. Yeah, I do take being a MOH as being a kind of big deal, if you cant take on the obligations of being a MOH dont be one.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    I think you are confusing what you would do as a MOH as what is required.  As many have already stated, other than buying a dress and showing up there are no othe requirements of a MOH.  If as a MOH or bridesmaid you want to step up and help the bride with wedding tasks by all means go for, but just because you choose to do those extra things does not mean those things then become required tasks assigned for MOHs and BM's in future weddings.  I feel sorry for your bridal party if you're trying to force chores on them or require them to pay for expensive extras like hair, makeup, shoes and jewelry.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:431f711e-63d8-449a-bfbd-1066b5a07cd1">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : Just because it worked out for her doesn't make it right. There are no obligations besides buying the dress.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Thats not the way I see it, yeah im guessing we grew up with different families and in my family you will be buying the shoes and getting the makeup and hair and nails done and  to my family those things are part of the excepting being a bridesmaid. No not everything for my wedding is going to be crazy expensive, I understand that people have a budget. For got sake the shoes are going to be from payless but they are all going to match! Yes im not going to let my bridesmaids put make up on themselves since they havent ever been allowed to wear make up and I dont want them looking like a clown on my wedding day cause they dont know how to do the make up. Nails, if they want to do those that is their choice, but hair, most of the time the bridal party goes to get their hair done.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment

    Will if your MOH was always ignoring you or giving you excuses and backing out on things wouldnt it make you a little concerned that she might not be fit to be the MOH. I would be terrified if that happened to me especially if I was really relying on the MOH being there for me to help me with something. So if this had happened to me for awhile after multiple times then yes I would ask them to step down from being the MOH, weather that be that they become a bridesmaid instead or just help me enjoy my day as a guest.

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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment

    Well i guess I would be crushed if my MOH kept backing out on things when they were planned because I would be looking forward to them. And for me I can only stand so much of people backing out on things, I have had people who I thought were really good friends of mine back out on everything and I just got very tired of it.

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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:d0fe3cbe-e0b5-4f94-be6a-4346800535f3">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : I 100% agree backing out on things is annoying but a MOH isn't a second wedding planner in my opinion.  She doesn't need to help pick out flowers or whatever it is.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I know that, but that doesnt mean I dont like the opinions of my bridesmaids, yes this is my wedding, but my bridesmaids are everything to me, thats why I want them to be there for everything. And i understand that they cant be there for everything, but if they say they will be and continue to back out time after time, it is a bit disappointing.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:e2ca014d-4023-4cc6-8f00-37267bc3dad9">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : Thats not the way I see it, yeah im guessing we grew up with different families and in my family you will be buying the shoes and getting the makeup and hair and nails done and  to my family those things are part of the excepting being a bridesmaid. No not everything for my wedding is going to be crazy expensive, I understand that people have a budget. For got sake the shoes are going to be from payless but they are all going to match! <strong>Yes im not going to let my bridesmaids put make up on themselves since they havent ever been allowed to wear make up and I dont want them looking like a clown on my wedding day cause they dont know how to do the make up. </strong>Nails, if they want to do those that is their choice, but hair, most of the time the bridal party goes to get their hair done.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    vbandell, how old are you and your BMs? Why haven't they been allowed to wear makeup?
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:54ef660f-6c82-42ef-88aa-03874db3fe06">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : vbandell, how old are you and your BMs? Why haven't they been allowed to wear makeup?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    My only bridesmaid is my little cousin jessica, she is 11. She would be my maid of honor but a little young for that. She has basically been my little sister and one of my best friends my whole life, If anything happened to her i would be crushed. I have always imagined my wedding and when picture it she was the only person I was ever for sure on being in my wedding.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:da11f3c4-ce2d-4782-b051-45cbd5dc3750">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : My only bridesmaid is my little cousin jessica, she is 11. She would be my maid of honor but a little young for that. She has basically been my little sister and one of my best friends my whole life, If anything happened to her i would be crushed. I have always imagined my wedding and when picture it she was the only person I was ever for sure on being in my wedding.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    Your best friend is 11? How old are you again?
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:da11f3c4-ce2d-4782-b051-45cbd5dc3750">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : My only bridesmaid is my little cousin jessica, she is 11. She would be my maid of honor but a little young for that. She has basically been my little sister and one of my best friends my whole life, If anything happened to her i would be crushed. I have always imagined my wedding and when picture it she was the only person I was ever for sure on being in my wedding.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    <div>You're going to make your 11-year old niece pay to have her own hair and make-up done?  Wow.  That's harsh.</div>
    DSC_9275
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:5cd141fc-4952-43f3-a925-b155de8454d1">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : Your best friend is 11? How old are you again?
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    Im 18 turning 19 in a few months. And no dont judge because i am young and engaged, I found the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and age is just a number. I dont ever wait on things in life, and I wasnt about to decide to wait 10 years to get married just because that is what would make most people happy.

    So yes she is 11. I have 30 cousins and out of all of them she is the one i am closest too.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:5f9f29ea-7f3e-4e2b-84ea-53c2beaeee03">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : You're going to make your 11-year old niece pay to have her own hair and make-up done?  Wow.  That's harsh.
    Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

    1. She isnt my niece.
    2. She isnt the one paying for it, I asked her mother if she was okay with the cost before I had asked my cousin, and honestly if she said no the cost is not okay, i would pay for it myself.

    But if i had a big wedding party, not 2 people, i would ask that they pay for all that because then it would be a bit out of the budget.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:46ea9c12-5ab4-4a31-a4a9-a7dd45ffc716">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : I won't lie.  I wouldn't have gotten married at 19.  If that's what you want to do, fine.  But I think it shows immaturity when you think the solution is to dump/kick people out of your wedding party.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    im not dumping people out of my wedding, I only asked 2 people and if they honestly couldnt afford it then i would pay, but if they kept ditching me on things i would be a bit pissed and ask them not to be part of my wedding party.
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:b6c61a59-ab3a-4a42-a9b2-f3b3c475944f">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : If you dont like my advice dont take it. This is what my aunt did and things worked out for her. Yeah, I do take being a MOH as being a kind of big deal, if you cant take on the obligations of being a MOH dont be one.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    The problem with your advice is that from what I have seen it is always 100% the wrong thing to do.  I don't care if you have seen something done before or if your family does something a certain way, it doesn't magically make it good etiquette (which is not a matter of opinion) and it certainly doesn't give you license to keep spouting off really horrible advice to people who genuinely need to be told the right thing.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:ea024ab2-f0e1-46ef-919d-843fa115056b">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : The problem with your advice is that from what I have seen it is always 100% the wrong thing to do.  I don't care if you have seen something done before or if your family does something a certain way, it doesn't magically make it good etiquette (which is not a matter of opinion) and it certainly doesn't give you license to keep spouting off really horrible advice to people who genuinely need to be told the right thing.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    Well if you had saw what the bride that wrote this post said, she liked my advice, what she needed to hear may not be proper etiquette, but the news i gave her apparentally was what SHE needed to hear. No you might not be into kicking people out of your wedding, but some people can only put up with so much bullshit.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:4536a84a-e39c-41b7-a072-84fe02e79f3e">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : I agree that some people can only put up with so much bullshit.  But just because you tell someone what they want to hear doesn't make it the right thing to tell them.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Im not saying its right for everyone, but if thats what she was needing to hear, i was the only one who told her what she needed to hear. I get that it might be crazy and hurtful to people when you kick them out, but a bride should be able to enjoy planning and enjoy her day. If she isnt enjoying anything about it then there are some issues going on that need to be resolved, and if the issue is a bridesmaid, I would have serious talk with them to see if that is something they really want to do, because if it isnt they need to make it easier on themself and the bride and step down or be asked to step down.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:57e85275-1041-4246-8dab-776652f4c704">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : I just think the easier solution is that the bride should relax her expectations.  Just because they don't want to help doesn't mean they don't want to be a bridesmaid, in my opinion. But I guess we will have to agree to disagree on this one.  
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I agree
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:f404ac13-c7d0-4a3a-9462-392148f227be">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : Im not saying its right for everyone, but if thats what she was needing to hear, i was the only one who told her what she needed to hear.<strong> I get that it might be crazy and hurtful to people when you kick them out, but a bride should be able to enjoy planning and enjoy her day.</strong> If she isnt enjoying anything about it then there are some issues going on that need to be resolved, and if the issue is a bridesmaid, I would have serious talk with them to see if that is something they really want to do, because if it isnt they need to make it easier on themself and the bride and step down or be asked to step down.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    So you don't mind hurting your nearest and dearest by kicking them out and fracturing, if not ending, your relationship with them just so you aren't stressed out by a party you are throwing? Mmmmmk then.


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    Vacation
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:f56d23ca-f399-4752-ba4a-d1630526e7ca">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]vbandell, no offense, but your advice is horrid, and so is the attitude you're displaying.  Grow up.  The reason OP liked your advice is because you were VALIDATING her (incorrect) assumptions about what her MOH should be doing for her.  Yeesh.
    Posted by 1covejack[/QUOTE]

    yep i guess your right, i just give horrible advice, thank you for your opinion. But i guess i really dont care what any of you think about me, cause lets see...how many of you are already married and you have nothing better to do than site on a site for brides and tell me how you think i give horrible advice?
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:f404ac13-c7d0-4a3a-9462-392148f227be">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : Im not saying its right for everyone, but if thats what she was needing to hear, <strong>i was the only one who told her what she needed</strong> <strong>to hear.</strong> I get that it might be crazy and hurtful to people when you kick them out, but a bride should be able to enjoy planning and enjoy her day. If she isnt enjoying anything about it then there are some issues going on that need to be resolved, and if the issue is a bridesmaid, I would have serious talk with them to see if that is something they really want to do, because if it isnt they need to make it easier on themself and the bride and step down or be asked to step down.
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    No you are the only one who told her what she <em><u>wanted</u></em> to hear.  There is a huge difference between hearing what you want to hear and hearing what you need to hear.  This is a distinction that adults make.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:00551ea7-be08-4376-bb3b-7ae18882f65e">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : Here we go... vban, I promise we are not trying to bash you by telling you that you give bad advice.  But if I were in your position, and 99% of posts were giving the opposite advice of me, I would take a look at what I was saying and consider if maybe it was wrong.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I dont care if my advice is wrong, but it is what i would do. That doesnt mean that everyone needs to tell me that i give horrible advice all the time, because again, it is advice, not everyone elses advice is always the best but it is theirs, thats why i dont normally try to go out of my way to let them know they give horrible advice.
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  • vbandellvbandell member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:6ba4e2c8-cc9e-4094-95e1-3c2b2e51aede">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : No you are the only one who told her what she wanted to hear.  There is a huge difference between hearing what you want to hear and hearing what you need to hear.  This is a distinction that adults make.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

    Are you saying im not an adult?
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_need-advice-sistermoh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:51811efc-cfdf-4739-bca8-f103c0d88a8bPost:c6e4e295-b2c5-4612-91fe-51b225e67ffa">Re: need advice! sister/MOH</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: need advice! sister/MOH : yep i guess your right, i just give horrible advice, thank you for your opinion. But i guess i really dont care what any of you think about me, cause lets see...how many of you are already married and you have nothing better to do than site on a site for brides and tell me how you think i give horrible advice?
    Posted by vbandell[/QUOTE]

    Why don't you move on over to The Bump and advise women on the best way to get through a pregnancy and labor also?  There is a reason we stuck around after we were married.  The married ladies kept us from doing some really stupid things while we were planning our weddings and we stuck around to pass on what we learned.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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