Chit Chat

Fears/getting upset at thoughts of FMIL

So we still have a few years till our wedding so I hope we can figure things out, but we have already set up our guest list and I am hoping we can cut some numbers somewhere. FI and I were hoping no more than 200 people, but we are at 230 right now. If we take second cousins off that will be about 215 so at least a little better. But I was talking to FMIL the other day and she told me that there are family friends who she has just been telling them they are invited when FI says he doesn't even know the people. Do I just let her figure it out with them and tell her that there is no more inviting others because they are not invited and that she needs to be the one to talk to these guest she has already invited and tell the. There has been a mistake.

I just wake up upset about things she does or goes behind our back to do and it hurts me that FI just tells me to calm down and not worry about it. He doesn't like that she does this either, but he doesn't know how to tell her no.

Is it crazy for me to randomly get upset or wake up upset about things she does? I have already been going to a therapist because of issues with her and I am happy my appt is on Thursday because it has been bugging me all day.

Another thing she did, she told me that at the reception she wants her parents to sit at the same table with her. They have been divorced for 20yrs and hate each other so FI and I told her no, that is not happening, she went behind our backs and told them to work things out because they will be at the same table with each other at the wedding. I confronted her right away when she told me this and I told her that is not her choice and is something only FI and I need to discuss with them. She said she understood, but I am still just upset that she did that when we were very clear with her the first time that that was not happening.


Ugh, just upset, thanking for listening!

Re: Fears/getting upset at thoughts of FMIL

  • I am sure that I would find it upsetting! It sounds like you and FI agree... Just not in practice. I hope the session Thursday helps to set your mind closer to ease. I'm sure you need a balance between limiting what you have to say - and making sure FI is stepping up as needed. Good luck!
    ~~Mendi~~ ...Everyone has their price; mine's chocolate Photobucket
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fearsgetting-upset-at-thoughts-of-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:68d47a3f-72c9-400b-9668-6acfdc6a2142Post:3710fdf8-8b10-49a9-9ceb-37bbfb8b6c95">Re: Fears/getting upset at thoughts of FMIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]She sounds like a major PITA. But really, your fiance needs to be the one who wrangles his mother when she gets out of hand. He needs to -- I hate this phrase, but -- man up and get her under control. If your wedding is so far off, why are you doing so much planning now? I get that you're probably having a long engagement for financial reasons, but there should be no inviting anyone at this point (although I realize it's the FMIL doing this). At this point, I'd just be saving all the money I could and then start maybe 12-18 months ahead to make concrete plans. And I didn't realize when we were talking about your dress earlier that your wedding is so far off. I'm curious why you bought a dress so soon?
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]




    Oh we did not buy the dress. We had to go to the twin cities to discuss doing a benefit for my aunt who just found out she has cancer (she is the one who is right next to me on the left) and since the drive is 4hrs we decided we would go dress shopping while we were there too. We found out there was a plus size only bridal shop so we wanted to check iT out, we weren't really planning on finding the dress, more just to see what looked good on me, but then I got this dress on and it just felt right, and then everyone started crying so I said yes to this dress. We will still wait about 10 months to buy it though.

    And no, I haven't been inviting anyone yet, but was just wanting to get guest list set, our numbers are based on family and a few people from our church family.
  • Your FMIL should get together with my FMIL and then we should lock them in a room until our weddings are over.  They should exactly alike and the best advice I can give is let your FI handle it.  And you are the one sending out the invitations and the people she spoke to verbally and invited will be going to her (if they have the balls) asking about their missing invite and she will be the one who will look stupid not you.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_fearsgetting-upset-at-thoughts-of-fmil?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:68d47a3f-72c9-400b-9668-6acfdc6a2142Post:f083c1c8-be4a-4d25-8a98-c21d26b56541">Re: Fears/getting upset at thoughts of FMIL</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Fears/getting upset at thoughts of FMIL : Oh, ok. This makes total sense to me. If I'd known of any plus size only bridal shops, I'd have been scoping out dresses for years. We fluffy chicks have fewer choices, so we have to take advantage of opportunities like that.
    Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]



    Indeed! I was kind of worried when we first got engaged that I wouldn't get that experience to just try on whatever dress I wanted so I took the chance when I got it!
  • Wow your FMIL sounds like a peach. Your FI really needs to nip this in the butt ASAP. Maybe she means well but it sounds like she thinks she's planning her own wedding. She also needs to clean up the mess she made with "inviting" people. It's not her place to do so, especially so far off. She also needs to stop telling bitter divorced couples they need to sit next to each other...that's just not okay on any level.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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