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Etiquette

A Whole Bunch of Questions - take two

Since TK sent my post out into nowhere land, I'll try to remember my questions...

I tried to consolidate everything I'm pondering into a large post, so thanks in advance for reading this all!

1. We are having a destination wedding. As many of my BMs are turning our wedding weekend into a vacation week, I got them gifts that they could use on their vacations.  I was thinking it would be cute to send the girls their gifts beforehand, as a 'can't wait to see you' package.  Is that cute, or is it tacky not to give them their gifts in person/at the RD?  (None of them live near me, so dropping it off isn't an option.)

2. My second question is about scheduling.  We do not want to do the first dance as soon as we are introduced, so what do we do right after we are introduced?  Go sit down?  I'm sure this sounds stupid, but my mind is boggled.

3. We have a hard stop on our reception due to the noise ordinance in the town.  Do we let the DJ take care of this, or do we put an end time on the invite?

4. When do we tip the vendors?

5.  Not so much a question but please keep sharing timeliness!  We're still trying to get ours down, and the more we see, the more helpful it is!

Thanks!
Anniversary

Re: A Whole Bunch of Questions - take two

  • 1. You don't have to give your WP presents at the RD.  Give them to them whenever you like or whenever is convenient.

    2. I would recommend sitting down and doing the toasts to get people started, then do your table visits before dinner is served so you have time to eat.

    3. Let the DJ handle it.  S/he can announce the "last dance" and that will let everyone know it's time to leave.

    4. Tip them the day of. 
    image

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  • As for timelines (is that what you mean by "timeliness"?

    We had a 5:30 ceremony time and a 7 PM reception time.

    10 AM - 2 PM (yes it took that long): Bride, Bridesmaids and MOB/MOG hair and makeup
    2 PM - 4 PM: "Free time" (everyone did whatever they wanted, I had lunch)
    4 PM - 5 PM: Getting dressed, pictures in bridal suite.
    5 PM - 5:15 PM: Groomsmen pictures
    5:15 PM: Walk to church (we were 100 feet away, so we didn't have a limo)
    5:30 - 6:30 PM: Ceremony (full Catholic Mass
    6:30 - 7:00 PM: Receiving line (we hadn't planned this) and walking back over to the hotel
    7:00 PM - 8:00 PM: Cocktail hour (WP pictures)
    8:00 PM: Entrance, first dance, toasts
    8:30 - 10 PM: Dinner
    10:00 PM: MOG/Groom and FOB/Bride dances
    10:15 PM - Midnight: Dancing
    Midnight: Last dance and end of reception.
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  • Bay pretty much covered it.

    I would designate someone to keep up with the tips and give them to the vendors at some point on the day of.
  • Oh, computer autocorrect, what a terrible typing error.  My apologies - that should have read 'timeline'!
    Anniversary
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1. Can you mail them to the hotel and have them placed in their rooms for their arrival?  I don't think you have to wait until the RD if they are items they can use as soon as they get to your DW.

    2.  If you go and sit down after being introduced, then your guests will follow suit.

    3.  Is there going to be an after party anywhere?  Then have your DJ announce where the party is at the end of the evening.  Otherwise, when the DJ says this is the last dance of the evening, people will know, regardless of the time. 

    4. Usually at the end of their time of service for you.  But if you want to get better service, I've heard people recommending to tip them before.  You should have your BM take care of all this, so you & FI don't have to worry about it.

    5. I haven't totally figured out my timeline yet, so can't help there.
  • As far as what to do at the wedding, we were introduced and then cut the cake.  That way the cake (well cupcakes) were available for eating whenever people wanted them.

  • Bay, when did you cut the cake?
    Anniversary
  • In Response to Re: A Whole Bunch of Questions - take two:
    [QUOTE]1. You don't have to give your WP presents at the RD.  Give them to them whenever you like or whenever is convenient. 2. I would recommend sitting down and doing the toasts to get people started, then do your table visits before dinner is served so you have time to eat. 3. Let the DJ handle it.  S/he can announce the "last dance" and that will let everyone know it's time to leave. 4. Tip them the day of. 
    Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

    Pretty much the same for me with the exception of...

    2.  We sat down right afterwards, our food was already there and started eating...DJ started immediately releasing tables for buffet.

    4. Our tip was included in the total package price which we paid 10 days before the wedding.  Although I did send an extra TY note to our DJ, photog, florist, and videog with a g/c to a restaurant in it. 

    Our time line:
    ceremony, (an hour later) cocktail hour, introductions then dinner, toasts, cake, first dance, m/s dance, f/d dance, anniversary dance, money dance, bouquet toss, garter toss, open dancing
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
    image
    Fall Wedding Bio
  • Ha!  Knew I forgot something!

    Because they were plating and serving the cake with the meal, we cut it even before we had eaten dinner.  So sometime between 8:30 and 10.
    image

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  • I just got a sudden urge to eat cake....gosh dang it!!!!!!!
    November 2011 Siggy Challenge: The First Kiss
    image
    Fall Wedding Bio
  • In Response to A Whole Bunch of Questions - take two:
    [QUOTE]1. We are having a destination wedding. As many of my BMs are turning our wedding weekend into a vacation week, I got them gifts that they could use on their vacations.  I was thinking it would be cute to send the girls their gifts beforehand, as a 'can't wait to see you' package.  Is that cute, or is it tacky not to give them their gifts in person/at the RD? (None of them live near me, so dropping it off isn't an option.) I'm giving my girls their gifts the morning of. I wouldn't send them in the mail. They could get lost.
     2. My second question is about scheduling.  We do not want to do the first dance as soon as we are introduced, so what do we do right after we are introduced?  Go sit down?  I'm sure this sounds stupid, but my mind is boggled. If you don't want to do it when you're introduced, you could do it at the beginning of the dance, if you're having one. If not, maybe after dinner?
     3. We have a hard stop on our reception due to the noise ordinance in the town.  Do we let the DJ take care of this, or do we put an end time on the invite? Let the DJ take care of it. He'll stop the music, and let everyone know it's time to go. WOM it if you're worried, too.
     4. When do we tip the vendors? After. I'd give the tips to someone you trust, each already seperated into envelopes, and ask them to distribute them, if you're going to be in bed already by the end of the night ;).
    5.  Not so much a question but please keep sharing timeliness! By timeliness, you mean timelines right :P? Our is: 1:00pm, ceremony, 2-5pm pics, 5-5:30, breather time before we go to the reception, 5:30-1am, dinner and dance.
    Posted by Lobsters25[/QUOTE]
  • We didn't want to do our first dance right away either.  We were introduced, sat down, did toasts while dinner was being brought out (it was plated, not buffet), ate, then did our first dance.  It worked out well doing it that way.
    Anniversary
  • In Response to A Whole Bunch of Questions - take two:

    1. Totally cute and thoughtful. Just be sure the note with them says "Thank you" clearly, so they're not expecting something else.
    2. Yup, you can sit down. We're doing ceremony, pictures/cocktail hour, toasts, blessings/grace before meal, dinner, cake-cutting, dancing. I don't have the timing with me, but the idea is not to interrupt or cut-off dinner with toasts, but to get all the extended talking out of the way early. I'm not sure we'll be announced, as much as we'll just arrive at the reception venue, sit down at the reserved table, and someone will pick up the microphone to call people to fill their glasses and sit down for toasting.
    3. Usually the DJ eases the group into this, depending on how full the dance floor is and how long there's been dancing. He might announce "2 more fast songs, then the last song" so it's not just "last song" all of a sudden.
    4. Tip waitstaff day-of, but I think it's OK to send tips afterwards. A tip at weddings is often a reward for extraordinary service, which you can't decide on until after.
  • 1. ... is it tacky not to give them their gifts in person/at the RD? 

    Well, you're on an Etiquette website, and the tradition is to give the gifts at the Bridesmaids' Tea or Bridesmaids' Luncheon on the day of your wedding or the day before your wedding.  See link below.  Gifts given at the RD just make everyone else uncomfortable, because not everyone at the RD will be getting a gift.
    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/bridesmaids-tea-basics.aspx

    2. ...what do we do right after we are introduced?  Go sit down? 

    Yes, because without the first dance right then after being introduced, your arrival cues the waitstaff to serve the first course.  Or if you are doing a buffet, your arrival cues the buffet to open, and you and FI would go directly to the buffet.

    3. We have a hard stop on our reception due to the noise ordinance in the town.  Do we let the DJ take care of this, or do we put an end time on the invite?

    Both.


    4. When do we tip the vendors?
  • In Response to Re: A Whole Bunch of Questions - take two:
    [QUOTE]1. ... is it tacky not to give them their gifts in person/at the RD?  Well, you're on an Etiquette website, and the tradition is to give the gifts at the Bridesmaids' Tea or Bridesmaids' Luncheon on the day of your wedding or the day before your wedding.  See link below.  Gifts given at the RD just make everyone else uncomfortable, because not everyone at the RD will be getting a gift. http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/rehearsal-dinner/articles/bridesmaids-tea-basics.aspx 2. ...what do we do right after we are introduced?  Go sit down?  Yes, because without the first dance right then after being introduced, your arrival cues the waitstaff to serve the first course.  Or if you are doing a buffet, your arrival cues the buffet to open, and you and FI would go directly to the buffet. 3. We have a hard stop on our reception due to the noise ordinance in the town.  Do we let the DJ take care of this, or do we put an end time on the invite? Both. 4. When do we tip the vendors?
    Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]
    I would not write the end time on an invitation to a wedding. The DJ can certainly handle the timeline you give him/her. You can spread if by word of mouth or use a wedding website if you have one.
    image
  • I missed this part:  4. When do we tip the vendors?

    The waitstaff's tip will be included in your contract.  It's called "PLUS PLUS" or "INCLUSIVE."  PLUS PLUS means that the per-plate cost PLUS the tax PLUS the tip is in your contract.  INCLUSIVE means that the per-plate cost INCLUDES the tax and tip.

    Here's the whole list for all your other vendors:
    http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-budget/articles/wedding-vendor-tipping-cheat-sheet.aspx
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