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Etiquette

bridesmaids

Re: bridesmaids

  • Nope. Who you choose to be in your bridal party is solely your business.
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    Whatever you hatters be hattin. -Tay Prince
  • Include those who you are closest to and who mean the most to you. If she is not one of them, don't include her just because you feel guilty. That is not fair to you or to her. It's also not that unusual - this happens a lot.
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  • lauralaurlauralaur member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited January 2010
    I think it depends. How long ago were you her maid of honor? Does this person not have a lot of friends, but you do and there are others whom you would like to be in the wedding party before her? I need more information. :)

    Ultimately I do find it odd because I'm assuming she asked you because she feels very close to you, so I would be curious to know why you don't feel close enough to her to include her in your wedding party at all. Unless she only asked you because she thought "you would do a great job planning showers and stuffing invitations."

    EDIT: I meant to mention that I do not find it bad, just curious about your relationship.
  • I don't think it would be weird. I don't expect any of my bm's to ask me to be in their weddings.
  • I was a BM in my FSIL's wedding but I'm not asking her to be in mine.

    She only asked me as a replacement BM, so not saying that's what happened to you, but it's the only reason she asked me, not because we are close.
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  • I agree that I would like the back story on this. I would assume she considers you her best friend, or did at the time. If you've grown apart, then that is totally understandable. If I had gotten married right after college, the people in my WP would have been totally different. My FI? They would have been the same. Or if you have relatives (sisters and cousins, FSILs) you would prefer to include, that's also understandable. I'm just curious about the situation. 
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  • If it was ages and ages ago, no.  People grow apart, people change, blah blah blah.  I dont think you have to ask someone just because you were in theirs eight years ago.

    If it's recent though, it could seem a little odd.  No, you don't have to have someone in your wedding for any reason.  But if you were JUST in someone's wedding party because they considered you that close, it's entirely possible that they probably do expect and hope to be in yours, and their feelings probably will be hurt if they are not.  It's called being human.  It would be hurtful to realize that someone doesn't consider you as close as you consider them, you know? 

    Of course, thats not a reason to have them in it if you honestly don't want them there, but do be prepared for some bruised emotions about it. 

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    "Whatever East. You're just mad I RSVP'd "lame" to your pre-wedding sleepover."
  • You BMs should be those you are closest to. I have been a MOH and a BM for friends who are not in my wedding party. But that was 10 and 6 years ago, respectively, so our relationships are different now. Just because you are someone's best friend doesn't mean they have to be yours.

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  • I agree with East in a way. I mean, if this would be a friendship-ending move, you might want to consider having her at least as a BM. 
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  • Wow, you really think those are the only reasons why she asked you?  That's kind of insulting.

    If you're not super close with her, why did you say yes then?  And has your relationship changed at all over the past 3 years?
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