Cousin's New Fiancee?

sbolger17 · December 2010

My fiance and I are watching our wedding guest numbers pretty tightly. We are getting married in September and are sending out our Save the Dates right after the New Year.

My male cousin in his early 20s who lives far away just got engaged a couple days ago. I last saw him three years ago. But I was planning to invite him as well as my other first cousins (there are 18 of them!) but I was not planning on inviting any with dates except for one that is married. Now that he is engaged do I have to invite his fiancee (I've never met her)? She's not mentioned on his Save the Date because I've already addressed them and I'm not planning on changing that.

Help, please! Thanks!

emilyinchile · December 2010

Yes, you have to invite her. And if you addressed but haven't yet sent the STD, I'd slip a little note in saying "Oops, wrote the envelope before you were engaged - congrats! Of course Sally is also invited."

FutureMrsTR · December 2010

Yep, you need to invite her.

waltzingmatilda13 · December 2010

You have to invite her. They are going to be married in the near future, so it's not any different than your already married cousin.

saisongbird · December 2010

Yes, you need to invite her. How would you feel if your FI was invited to a wedding without you? Take a step back, ignore the $$ issue for a moment, and think about it as a person.

baystateapple · December 2010

Ditto Em. One person is not going to make or break your wedding budget. Invite her, and keep the family peace.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-new-fiancee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9367398c-3556-44b7-87e7-bf3d2b2aec54Post:cae4215c-8318-4f0c-bae7-5b9561de9b79">Cousin's New Fiancee?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance and I are watching our wedding guest numbers pretty tightly. We are getting married in September and are sending out our Save the Dates right after the New Year. My male cousin in his early 20s who lives far away just got engaged a couple days ago. I last saw him three years ago. But I was planning to invite him as well as my other first cousins (there are 18 of them!) but I was not planning on inviting any with dates except for one that is married. Now that he is engaged do I have to invite his fiancee (I've never met her)? <strong>She's not mentioned on his Save the Date because I've already addressed them and I'm not planning on changing that.</strong> Help, please! Thanks!
Posted by sbolger17[/QUOTE]

It would take you all of one minute to write out a new envelope. And ditto others, yes you have to include her. You would have even if they weren't engaged yet because obviously he was seriously dating someone.

salt78 · December 2010

Yes you definitely have to invite her. And why are you sending your STDs out so early?

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Without doubt, you need to invite her. They are a social unit and as such need to be invited together.

baystateapple · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-new-fiancee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9367398c-3556-44b7-87e7-bf3d2b2aec54Post:977373bd-c045-470e-9066-50fb23c5e137">Re: Cousin's New Fiancee?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Cousin's New Fiancee? : It would take you all of one minute to write out a new envelope. And ditto others, yes you have to include her. You would have even if they weren't engaged yet because obviously he was seriously dating someone.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

I missed the part about not wanting to re-address ONE envelope. OP, really? It will take you no time at all. Now it sounds like you're just being petty.

MyNameIsNot · December 2010

Yes, you have to invite her.

If any of your other cousins are in established relationships, you have to invite their s/os too. Only married is not an acceptable cut off.

And yes, you have to re-address the envelope. That's just petty.

redheadfsu · December 2010

She should have been on the list already.

You need to invite her. Plus, you need to invite anyone that is in a serious relationship. I have a feeling you will be offending people.

Mrs.B6302007 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-new-fiancee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9367398c-3556-44b7-87e7-bf3d2b2aec54Post:6ca861c8-d7ab-4813-9b1c-8f23398071fa">Re: Cousin's New Fiancee?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, you have to invite her. If any of your other cousins are in established relationships, you have to invite their s/os too. Only married is not an acceptable cut off. And yes, you have to re-address the envelope. <strong>That's just petty. </strong>
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Or lazy.

Simply Fated · December 2010

Social units should always be invited together, married or not. Serious, committed relationships are important, too. Take a moment and decide how you would feel if you were in that girl's position.

You already have your mind set that you are not going to redo that envelope, so it is what it is. Call your cousin, if you have to. When you send out those invitations, make sure her name is included.
Oh and it doesn't matter if you have never met her. The fact is, they are a social unit and should be invited.

LoveMuffins · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-new-fiancee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9367398c-3556-44b7-87e7-bf3d2b2aec54Post:88e7a18a-1cc9-4d76-aa41-27f6a522fa8c">Re: Cousin's New Fiancee?</a>:
[QUOTE]Something I don't get - if he's now engaged, wouldn't he have been in a serious relationship already for some time? Theoretically, if OP had been planning to invite this cousin, his then-gf/now-fianceé should have already been on the guest list.
Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]

Since he's a cousin she might not have known. I was blown away when I received a wedding invitation from my cousin - I hadn't even know she was engaged. My parents are really bad about telling me things. Also, some people have really intense, fast romances that get very serious in a short about of time. I wouldn't assume that he's been in a serious relationship for some time, or that even if he had the OP would've known.

But yeah, now that he's enaged... what all the PPs said =D

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-new-fiancee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9367398c-3556-44b7-87e7-bf3d2b2aec54Post:79f96a39-5319-43cb-9396-a1894a190234">Re: Cousin's New Fiancee?</a>:
[QUOTE]She should have been on the list already. You need to invite her. Plus, you need to invite anyone that is in a serious relationship. I have a feeling you will be offending people.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]

This. Clearly, she's important, and she was important a week ago. If your other cousins are in relationships, you need to invite their SOs. If you can't afford to do so, you need to cut your guest list more. You can't only invite one half of a couple, it's rude.

My dad has a cousin who has been with her partner for at least 25 years. No one would ever think of inviting her to something without him just because they aren't technically married. Or what about a gay couple who isn't legally allowed to marry? My friend and her girlfriend, who were at my wedding, have been together twice as long and my husband and I, and consider themselves as "married" as they can be.

sbolger17 · December 2010

OK, I get the message everyone is sending and I will invite the fiancee and add her name to the STD. You all may think it's rude, but I am absolutely not inviting my unmarried, unengaged cousins with dates even if they've been dating for a while. I'm really only inviting them at all because my mother told me I need to. I am only close with 3 of the 18 cousins (and these people are all in their late teens and early-to mid 20s, it's not like they are 40 years old). You can think I'm a terrible person all you want, but that's the situation and I'm not changing my mind about it.

Snippylynn · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-new-fiancee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9367398c-3556-44b7-87e7-bf3d2b2aec54Post:4b15a8f3-3b54-4324-bacb-e4ff316a52f1">Re: Cousin's New Fiancee?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, I get the message everyone is sending and I will invite the fiancee and add her name to the STD. You all may think it's rude, but I am absolutely not inviting my unmarried, unengaged cousins with dates even if they've been dating for a while. I'm really only inviting them at all because my mother told me I need to. I am only close with 3 of the 18 cousins (and these people are all in their late teens and early-to mid 20s, it's not like they are 40 years old). You can think I'm a terrible person all you want, but that's the situation and I'm not changing my mind about it.
Posted by sbolger17[/QUOTE]

Or, how about you man up and say no to your mother and not invite those cousins at all? That seems like a better option to me.

annagtz82 · December 2010

Yes you have to invite her. This past Thanksgiving I also found out that my cousin in his early 20s was engaged. I didn't even know he was in a serious relationship. That same night I added his new fiance to the guestlist and was happy for him.

banana468 · December 2010

So rather than say no to mom you decided that the better option is to be rude to your extended family? Truly you have a dizzying intellect.

jemmini6 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cousins-new-fiancee?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9367398c-3556-44b7-87e7-bf3d2b2aec54Post:4b15a8f3-3b54-4324-bacb-e4ff316a52f1">Re: Cousin's New Fiancee?</a>:
[QUOTE]OK, I get the message everyone is sending and I will invite the fiancee and add her name to the STD. You all may think it's rude, but I am absolutely not inviting my unmarried, unengaged cousins with dates even if they've been dating for a while. I'm really only inviting them at all because my mother told me I need to. I am only close with 3 of the 18 cousins (and these people are all in their late teens and early-to mid 20s, it's not like they are 40 years old). You can think I'm a terrible person all you want, but that's the situation and I'm not changing my mind about it.
Posted by sbolger17[/QUOTE]

I have a lot of cousins too and I'm really not close to any of them (and inviting my 40+ cousins AND their SO's would definitely be a budget buster) so you know what? I'm not inviting any of them. Think of it from their perspective...I would rather not get an invite at all then to be invited to a wedding without my FI. It's rude to split up couples, regardless of if they are married or not. If you can't afford to invite both, don't invite either.

Cousin's New Fiancee?

Re: Cousin's New Fiancee?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards