Now I'm not sure if we're getting married anymore. :-(
Every time we fight (almost) and it's sometimes about the same things and sometimes different, it generally comes back to the same premise. That there is something about me that my FI has some struggle with. Like my past relationships. (which he delved in to in ways that didn't make me feel comfortable-kind of forced me in to telling him some private things) or the fact that I'm an animal lover and am very attached to the dog i've had for 4 years before knowing him. On top of everything, he isn't an American citizen (getting a degree here so he's a student visa) and is in the process of renewing his passport and Visa, which is proving relatively complicated and stressing him out.
I know that something has bothered him for the last several days but he kept telling me nothing. Then last night he freaked out, told me it was just stress and he was trying to let it all go an me asking made it worse.
Ok, so I let it go. I rolled over and tried to go to sleep. No need to push more and make it worse. Then he randomly says when we buy a house no pet is ever setting food inside. They will be strictly outside animals (which I have never agreed with. Pets are not lawn ornaments). I told him I couldn't agree to that. Then he freaked out about how I just let the argument go so fast, that i didn't keep pushing, like he just told me not to.
At some point, being worried that something about yourself will bother your significant other, gets pretty stressful. A lot of it is cultural differences on things that seem minor to me, but are big to him. I've stopped talking about any part of my past since it reminds him of the conversation he brought up about exes. But I won't change everything about me just to be with him. I would much rather be gloriously single than with someone I resent deep down; and i'm afraid that will happen if i change too much.
So, at this point, I don't know what's happening. He left, so i left. I came home an hour later and he was home and in bed. I slept on the couch. I did not want to share a bed with some of the things he was yelling.
So. Here we are. 4 months away from marraige. And i feel like I could be making a huge mistake that will end in divorce anyway. And from a culture not huge on divorce, i'm at a loss.
Sorry for the novel. I'm pretty upset. To a level that I feel numb about it. Thanks for reading. I just needed to type it out and try to release.