I was thinking.....

rednesss · August 2010

it's interesting that it's in poor taste to throw a party for yourself ie: Engagement, Bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party. On the contrary, it is perfectly acceptable for one to host their own wedding and reception. Technically, it's still a party where you are asking people to come celebrate along side you, and most people do bring or send you a gift. This is not in poor taste, yet, you hosted the event.

Don't get me wrong I would never throw one of those parties for myself, but I am throwing my wedding/reception. I've never been to an engagement party with gifts, so I would not think it strange for someone to host their own wanting me to celebrate their intended union. I love parties! I'd definitely want to celebrate. And for a bachelorette party no one brings gifts to those, so asking people to go out and celebrate your "last ha-rah" is for some no more than asking friends to get together for dinner at a restuarant or a saturday night on the town.

I still wouldn't do it, but honestly I'm not seeing the wedding/reception that much different. Especially when, the bachelorette party not with standing, the guests are being treated to refreshments or a meal from the hosts. The hosts are simply asking you to celebrate.

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

I always find this interesting as well. A lot of the customs adapted by modern brides are whack. We can't host showers/bach parties, but we can't ask our parents to pay for our wedding? Hmmm..

waltzingmatilda13 · August 2010

But you're throwing the reception FOR your guests as a thank you for coming to the ceremony.

And b-parties still shoudn't be throw by the bride because other people are expected to pay for bride/groom's dinner, drinks, limo, etc.

rednesss · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:8cb523c3-ab0d-4286-b6e0-8af2c097caf1">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]But you're <font color="#ff9900"><strong>throwing the reception FOR your guests as a thank you for coming to the ceremony</strong>.</font> And b-parties still shoudn't be throw by the bride because other people are expected to pay for bride/groom's dinner, drinks, limo, etc.
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

<strong><font color="#ff9900">Like I mentioned, not much different than how the host of any other party thanks the guests for celebrating, with food and drink. </font></strong>

I think it's rude that people are expected to pay for the bride/groom's dinner and drinks. I know it's done, but even as the bride I would never assume that. And <strong>IF</strong> someone did choose to host their own, they should have enough sense to know that as the host, they pay for themself.

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

I think your argument is gonna spark some controversy.

Traditionally, the parents HOSTED a party to HONOR the marriage of the BRIDE AND GROOM.

Today, the BRIDE AND GROOM are the HOSTS to honor the GUESTS.

Weirdness, IMO.

Belle2Be · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:ab18c46b-7fb3-4406-be98-39478312b947">I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]it's interesting that it's in poor taste to throw a party for yourself ie: Engagement, Bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party. On the contrary, it is perfectly acceptable for one to host their own wedding and reception. Technically, it's still a party where you are asking people to come celebrate along side you, and most people do bring or send you a gift. This is not in poor taste, yet, you hosted the event. Don't get me wrong I would never throw one of those parties for myself, but I am throwing my wedding/reception. I've never been to an engagement party with gifts, so I would not think it strange for someone to host their own wanting me to celebrate their intended union. I love parties! I'd definitely want to celebrate. And for a bachelorette party no one brings gifts to those, so asking people to go out and celebrate your "last ha-rah" is for some no more than asking friends to get together for dinner at a restuarant or a saturday night on the town. I still wouldn't do it, but honestly I'm not seeing the wedding/reception that much different. Especially when, the bachelorette party not with standing, the guests are being treated to refreshments or a meal from the hosts. The hosts are simply asking you to celebrate.
Posted by rednesss[/QUOTE]

rednesss · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:5e9ce87b-95ed-4e02-8827-757f622e1309">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I think your argument is gonna spark some controversy. Traditionally, the parents HOSTED a party to HONOR the marriage of the BRIDE AND GROOM. Today, the BRIDE AND GROOM are the HOSTS to honor the GUESTS. Weirdness, IMO.
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]

I know! I guess that is what I find it so strange that a bride and groom could NOT host any other TYPE of party to honor the guests, if people are going to accept this very new tradition. I mean if we're strickly going by etiquette, the bride and groom should not even be hosting the wedding. The bride's family should be. So you're right, the "not asking your parents" to pay is an interesting concept that has been adopted along with the honoring of guests. Traditionally, children would never ask their parents, the parent would know that is their responsibility. That's what etiquette says.

Eeek! I fear feathers are going to be ruffled. But don't let them, this is all just ambiguously speaking.

Belle2Be · August 2010

Technically, the parents of the bride and groom (used to/usually/traditionally) host the event (wedding ceremony and reception). People just don't generally ask, "hey, did your daddy pay for all of this?".

megk8oz · August 2010

I was unaware that people actually read this much into who "hosts" a wedding reception.

impslave · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:8ffada67-5ead-4661-9ed1-50fbb2091910">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I was thinking..... : I know! I guess that is what I find it so strange that a bride and groom could NOT host any other TYPE of party to honor the guests, if people are going to accept this very new tradition<strong>. I mean if we're strickly going by etiquette, the bride and groom should not even be hosting the wedding. The bride's family should be. </strong>So you're right, the "not asking your parents" to pay is an interesting concept that has been adopted along with the honoring of guests. <strong>Traditionally, children would never ask their parents, the parent would know that is their responsibility.</strong> That's what etiquette says. Eeek! I fear feathers are going to be ruffled. But don't let them, this is all just ambiguously speaking.
Posted by rednesss[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I literally just laughed out loud. My mother's, because I have only one parent, responsibility for me ended on my eighteenth birthday. And considering I was 42 when I got married, it would have been pretty damn odd to be going up to my mom and telling her it was her responsibility to host my wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>Let's all join the 21st century, shall we? If you are old enough to get married, you can pay for your wedding. If you are paying for the wedding, you should also pay for the reception, as it is rude to invite people to come to witness your wedding and not offer some refreshment. If you are fortunate enough to have parents who can and will pay for/host your wedding and reception, then bully for you.</div><div>
</div><div>Mind, I'm not capping on the OP or those who are lucky enough to have mommy and daddy pay for it all. But I'm tired of the general sense of entitlement that so many younger people express these days.</div><div>
</div>

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:564504df-b5f1-44c8-bbb6-f004e7edf4f0">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I was thinking..... : I literally just laughed out loud. My mother's, because I have only one parent, responsibility for me ended on my eighteenth birthday. And considering I was 42 when I got married, it would have been pretty damn odd to be going up to my mom and telling her it was her responsibility to host my wedding. Let's all join the 21st century, shall we? If you are old enough to get married, you can pay for your wedding. If you are paying for the wedding, you should also pay for the reception, as it is rude to invite people to come to witness your wedding and not offer some refreshment. If you are fortunate enough to have parents who can and will pay for/host your wedding and reception, then bully for you. Mind, I'm not capping on the OP or those who are lucky enough to have mommy and daddy pay for it all. But I'm tired of the general sense of entitlement that so many younger people express these days.
Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]

We're speaking of ettiquette, which stems directly from tradition, IMO. Everyone believes different things about marriage.

I do have to say you are wrong. A person can get married at 18 without consent, and depending on your place of residency it can be even younger. Not all 18 (or less) year olds can pay for a wedding. I would have to say that most cannot (there are some).

I also have to say you are <em>incredibly</em> wrong again. OP and I (I assume, OP, correct me if I'm wrong) are speaking from a traditional standpoint. Key word: <strong>tradition</strong>. In the past, meaning couples married in the 70's or 80's, and <strong><em><u>ESPECIALLY</u></em></strong> earlier, <strong>the parents paid for the wedding. Period. </strong>So your claim of younger people having a sense of entitlement is crap. The idea of parents paying for the wedding is a tale as old as time. Generations even before any of us kept this as the social norm. <strong><em><u>The mere fact that most brides on this board are paying for their own wedding proves that the "younger generation" clearly does not feel entitled.</u></em></strong>

I'm sorry, but your post really bothered me.

impslave · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:a9bb38a1-051b-4fe8-9edb-42d1ac1fc9c9">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I was thinking..... : We're speaking of ettiquette, which stems directly from tradition, IMO. Everyone believes different things about marriage. I do have to say you are wrong. <strong>A person can get married at 18 without consent, and depending on your place of residency it can be even younger. Not all 18 (or less) year olds can pay for a wedding. I would have to say that most cannot (there are some). </strong>I also have to say you are incredibly wrong again. <strong>OP and I (I assume, OP, correct me if I'm wrong) are speaking from a traditional standpoint. Key word: tradition . In the past, meaning couples married in the 70's or 80's, and ESPECIALLY earlier, the parents paid for the wedding. Period.</strong> So your claim of younger people having a sense of entitlement is crap. The idea of parents paying for the wedding is a tale as old as time. Generations even before any of us kept this as the social norm. <strong>The mere fact that most brides on this board are paying for their own wedding proves that the "younger generation" clearly does not feel entitled.</strong> I'm sorry, but your post really bothered me.
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>If 18-year-olds are getting married and cannot afford "the fantasy wedding" without expecting parental contributions, then perhaps they should not be getting married. It is one thing if the parents were to offer, but there are plenty of examples across these boards of younger women EXPECTING the parents to pay up.</div><div>
</div><div>Years ago, it was also tradition for women to remain uneducated, not be allowed to vote and be enslaved by their reproductive systems. Thank goodness that has changed! Traditions have to evolve, otherwise society remains stagnant and progress cannot be made. Etiquette is there to provide guidelines for the functioning of polite civilization. But using "tradition" as an excuse for expecting others to pony up for an elaborate one-day party isn't etiquette, it's immature.</div><div>
</div><div>My beef isn't with the brides and grooms who have paid for their own weddings. I don't even have it against those who had parents who OFFERED to contribute. But when a woman whines about how her parents are not meeting her expectations of a free ride, then my hair stands on end.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm glad my views bothered you. Hopefully, you can expand your views just a bit more.

</div>

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

My views are expanded. Just because I don't believe in yours does not mean my world is the size of a thumb tack.

Belle2Be · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:cfa37e53-028f-4822-81f9-4a7f05ad92b6">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]My views are expanded. Just because I don't believe in yours does not mean my world is the size of a thumb tack.
Posted by christinelyn0131[/QUOTE]

I'm with you Christine.

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

Phew. Thanks, I was starting to worry I was going to drown alone.

rednesss · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:25a07814-a345-4a05-8e97-80c76521bd95">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I was thinking..... : If 18-year-olds are getting married and cannot afford "the fantasy wedding" without expecting parental contributions, then perhaps they should not be getting married. It is one thing if the parents were to offer, but there are plenty of examples across these boards of younger women EXPECTING the parents to pay up. Years ago, it was also tradition for women to remain uneducated, not be allowed to vote and be enslaved by their reproductive systems. Thank goodness that has changed! Traditions have to evolve, otherwise society remains stagnant and progress cannot be made. Etiquette is there to provide guidelines for the functioning of polite civilization. But using "tradition" as an excuse for expecting others to pony up for an elaborate one-day party isn't etiquette, it's immature. My beef isn't with the brides and grooms who have paid for their own weddings. I don't even have it against those who had parents who OFFERED to contribute. But when a woman whines about how her parents are not meeting her expectations of a free ride, then my hair stands on end. I'm glad my views bothered you. Hopefully, you can expand your views just a bit more.
Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately, this argument is <strong>NOT</strong> what the OP I started was about. You can go back and read that I was just thinking about the different 'TRADITIONS' people pull from and try to make stick together. While I'm not 42, I'm also not 18 or what I'd consider a VERY YOUNG bride at 30. I'm paying for my wedding. That's right <u><em><strong>ME</strong></em></u>! NOT my parents. <u><strong>That argument was not the intent of the OP</strong></u>.

I'm sorry that you are frustrated with women younger than you. I am not close minded nor am I uneducated or a slave to my reproductive system. I realize there may be people on the boards who feel some sense of entitlement, but I don't think you'll find that in the other posters on this thread. I was simply comparing what people will accept as etiquette and tradition verses what they chose to reject or ignore. And *Christine is right, tradition as old as time is that the brides family, no matter her age, pays for the wedding. However, since I brought that up, I'll go a step further and say, we should be counting our lucky blessings that time HAS changed and we ARE in the 21st century, because we'd likely not be getting married at all with our ages being over 22. EEK!

I hope you can see that this is not a rant from a priviledged brat who thinks mommy and daddy should ' pay up', but rather a thought provoking topic of contradicting etiquette traditions.

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

Amen, Red.

Tara0685 · August 2010

I'm not sure that impslave completely understood what the OP was about. I'm not bashing or anything but the thread was about how it makes little sense that a couple can't hosts their own engagment parties and such due to what most claim is based on tradition yet most are paying for the actual wedding/reception nowadays which is in fact escaping tradition. In other words, if we're trailing away from one tradition, whats the beef with trailing away from the others? All the parties are both to celebrate the couples union and to thank the people involved in their special day, so what's the difference? That's what she was trying to say. As far as I can tell everyone who's posted on this page is paying for and hosting their own wedding, their just a little baffled as to why they can't pay for and host their own parties too if they like, why t absolutely has to be done by someone else "according to tradition" when al other traditons have been abandoned.

MVJP10 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:c275ad74-af80-4a94-af55-1424f656ce6c">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I was unaware that people actually read this much into who "hosts" a wedding reception.
Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

Muffin'sMom · August 2010

If I paid for 2/3 of my daughter's wedding...does that make her 2/3 of a spoiled entitled child. I mean, she's 26, not 18. And we offered, if that helps...she didn't whine and pout until we gave in just to shut her up.

And yes...I'm smiling. I think the thing is that we are in a strange place where so much is changing socially, and the traditions have not caught up with the changes.

Besides...unless you tell people who paid for it, how will they know? And that goes for any party!

rednesss · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_thinking-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:14Discussion:0c1fde7b-6d88-4b48-8c0d-1fb74e4f7878Post:8d3555d8-cacd-4c38-8b64-cdc25a8db961">Re: I was thinking.....</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm not sure that impslave completely understood what the OP was about. I'm not bashing or anything but the thread was about how it makes little sense that a couple can't hosts their own engagment parties and such due to what most claim is based on tradition yet most are paying for the actual wedding/reception nowadays which is in fact escaping tradition. In other words, if we're trailing away from one tradition, whats the beef with trailing away from the others? All the parties are both to celebrate the couples union and to thank the people involved in their special day, so what's the difference? That's what she was trying to say. As far as I can tell everyone who's posted on this page is paying for and hosting their own wedding, their just a little baffled as to why they can't pay for and host their own parties too if they like, why t absolutely has to be done by someone else "according to tradition" when al other traditons have been abandoned.
Posted by Tara0685[/QUOTE]

Exactly, my intention. I don't know where IMPSlave got off topic. But oh well. Mind you I still would not host the other TYPES of PARTIES for myself, but I don't see how people can be so stern on etiquitte and then pick and choose.

heyimbren · August 2010

Traditions and etiquette do change and evolve (slowly) over time.

Main difference now between hosting a wedding reception and a b-party or a shower or engagement party:

The wedding reception is a thank-you to the guests for celebrating with the couple. A shower or engagement party or b-party is for the bride (or couple) and is targed at pleasing the person it is being held for, and not the attendees. A couple hosting a wedding, on the other hand, would take into consideration what is nice for their guests, as well as their own personal preferences.

christinelyn0131 · August 2010

Bren-Your right. Hosts should please their guests. However, I think the argument is being made that the B&G shouldn't even be hosting their own wedding, if we're talking tradition. And IF we're talking tradition, then B&G obviously can't host their own B-party, shower, etc.

But, since B&G can host their own weddings, where do we draw the line of tradition versus ettiquette?

I was thinking.....

Re: I was thinking.....

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