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How would you feel?

Dmatthews450Dmatthews450 member
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in Not Engaged Yet


My boyfriend and I had been living together and we had "the talk" about when we would get married and if we were right for each other and wanted the same things: kids house lifestyle etc.

A few weeks later we went ring shopping so i got excited and joined The Knot and started thinking about wedding things. Well recently (three months after original discussion) we talked about it again and apparently he was thinking that ring shopping would take a year or more and he doesn't see why i was expecting it soon. (maybe because we tried on rings!)

I am feeling slightly disappointed, especially since we have an ideal date and I thought I could start planning and get ahead. But I feel like an idiot even being on here without being engaged.....
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Re: How would you feel?

  • emilykathleen511emilykathleen511
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Just a thought...he could have said that to throw you off so that he could surprise you. Maybe not, but I wouldn't rule it out.
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I was also thinking that maybe he was throwing you off. A friend of mine was talking to her bf about timelines recently and her bf told her he though 34 was a good age to get married. They are 25 and have been together for 3 years now. They got engaged last night.

    On the other hand, he may not be kidding and you might want to have another talk with him. I went through something similar with my FI. He told me that he did want to marry me and that it would happen some day soon. When I asked what soon was, he told me, oh in the next year or two. I was put off by this and kept my mouth shut but knew I was ready before then. I gave it a little time but eventually I had to bring it up again. We had a good conversation and it turns out he was ready too but thought I wanted to wait!

     Just talk to him about it. Ask him why he thinks it will take that long. Maybe he needs that much time to save up the money. In which case, he's probably just being responsible!

    Good luck!
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  • hetshuphetshup member
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    edited December 2011
    It all depends, how long have you been together? How old are you? How is your debt situation? My BF would NEVER finance a ring, so he would need time to save for something, and unless he wanted to eat ramen and tuna fish for months, a year is the avg amount of time. So you tried on rings, he now has a price point he could be saving to that price point. Maybe he doen't want a long engagement, you still have 2.5 years there is time, plenty of time.
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  • KD+BCKD+BC
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    edited December 2011
    ps. Emily, your siggy pic is seriously freaking me out!
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  • skichica622skichica622
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    edited December 2011
    I agree with PPs about the debt/$$ situation. I tried on rings back in the spring with BF and I'm still waiting because he didn't start a "sparkly stuff" ring fund until we actually tried some on and got some ideas. He also refuses to finance a ring, so it's taken this long for him to save up. It's not a secret to me, our family, or friends that engagement is on its way, which has allowed me to be more patient about waiting! Maybe you can have a chat with the BF about finances? Esp since that's pretty important before getting married anyway!
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  • loopy82loopy82 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It took my FI a year and a half  to propose after he had sent me some pictures of rings asking what kind of ring style I liked and telling me he was looking at rings. (It wasn't that he needed to save up to buy the ring he had that all covered.) When he told me this it was a few months before our 2 year anniversary, with that looming I assumed a proposal would be coming soon.

    It doesn't take much for me to get impatient. Shortly before we got engaged I brought up that e-mail again that he had sent me. I told him it wasn't a good idea of him to do something like that to me knowing how impatient I am. Its not that I was wanting to rush to get married I just didn't like waiting after he told me he was looking at rings, I would rather have not known he was looking at rings. After I said he shouldn't have done that he said I know that wasn't a good idea. Then I really didn't know what he meant by that.

    Also around that same time I had brought up a conversation making sure we were on the same page with wanting to get married etc. because we had been together for over 3 years and I just wanted to make sure he hadn't changed his mind about getting engaged. Well about a month after that we were engaged. I don't know if he was planning it all along or if by bringing up the where are we headed was the push he needed.

    In my opinion, and with the guys I know, I think they just like to take their time with getting married. Talking to him is probably the best idea. Also don't feel like an idiot being on here. There's nothing wrong with gathering ideas and to be informed for when you actually start planning.
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  • Ana_2985Ana_2985 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with most people.

    If you don't think money is an issue like people suggested, than maybe he is just trying to surprise you.  Maybe it would be a good idea to wait a little bit longer to talk about it just in case.

    If you think it's likely that he will have to save up money to buy a ring and be ready to get married, then I think it would be a good idea to talk about it again.  Depending on what he does for a living and what expenses he has, it could take a while to save up for a ring.  Just try to figure out what your plans are.  When would you like to be married by? 2011? 2012?  Or, what type of things do you need to do before you get married?  Have a full time job?  Pay off school loans?  Buy a house?  There's no harm in talking about it.
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  • emilykathleen511emilykathleen511
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-feel?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7201414f-ff44-47fb-a28e-ca3c9c6de0f9Post:ccb4790f-595d-41e9-ba92-b7b3244abf7f">Re: How would you feel?</a>:
    [QUOTE]ps. Emily, your siggy pic is seriously freaking me out!
    Posted by KD+BC[/QUOTE]

    Haha, it freaks me out too. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />
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  • Dmatthews450Dmatthews450 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks for the support I really needed to voice my feelings because I don't want to pressure him. You guys are right, throwing me off is definitely something he would try to do, he is very big on surprises. Thank you!

    I also agree with the creepy siggy pic!
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