Wedding Etiquette Forum

Talk to me people...Night Thread

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Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:09a21951-092f-46cb-a6f6-a5b89006e962">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]But IS their house a church?  I mean, if it meets the requirements (I assume it requires being used for ministration to so many people or something), I have no issue with that.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    There is no designated area in their home for services. I think they have people gather for services, and that how they get away with it. However, the Amish do the same thing, but they don't declare their homes as a chuch and they pay taxes. I know he used to be a state congressman or senator or something, so I wonder if he knew someone who made it happen.
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  • Their philosophy on how their daughters should act/dress may be antiquated but I don't think its mistreatment. It just is a different way of seeing things. They will all have a choice at some point to change if they want. I don't see the Duggars as holding them ball and chain to it. I think if they chose a different lifestyle or dress, the parents may not like it but I can't see them as threatening about it. 
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  • Evening ladies!

    I'm waiting for FI to get home so I can see what he wants to do for dinner.  We really need to go food shopping.  Maybe we can do that after we get something to eat.

    On the subject of names--my parents named me and my brother pretty typical names-Stephanie and Thomas.  I was named after my granny's mom (I think) and my brother was named Thomas because of a Bible story.  I like my name, but it's really common in my area.

    I take BCP so my period is regular and I'm not as crampy (is that a word?) as I used to be, but I still get mild ones that I have to take Advil for.  
    knotsigpicture Anniversary
  • J&k, let's talk a bout...Sandusky. I hate that fuckface,
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:7ec78853-7415-4c5b-a5e1-dc11957f8ced">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]Kai is such a great name too! MuSu your parents win the award for best naming abilities.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    <div>Haha I just texted my mom "My TK Friends like your baby naming abilities!" She said "I do too!" haha.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:3f2392d9-c5d9-4794-a0ba-1572cd443744">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : How DO they treat their daughters? I actually don't know anything about them besides the fact that they have a trillion kids.
    Posted by angelstar975[/QUOTE]

    I know Oprah offered to send the girls to school to become midwives, and the dad turned it down. Because the are not supposed to have jobs. Just be wives.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:9c3c118a-459f-4138-956d-985c1717e3d5">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks Fish. :) I quite like them all as well. People always hear them and go "Hmm well those are different..." but I like them that way.  Sorry Petal! I think my hatred for Gilmore Girls is why I hate that nickname, lol.  <strong>MK-- Lol why the nickname Buddah? </strong>
    Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

    Because he had a Buddah belly.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:d240fe38-bd1b-4a41-b78f-0934820980d1">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : I've never watched the show so I can't be sure, but from what I've read, the "way they treat their daughters" is pretty typical of their religion.  It's not for me, I don't understand it, I would hate it if were me, but that's how things work for them.  I think it's weird, but I would not condemn them for it. <strong> It's not like they're beating them and starving them and using them for slave labor.</strong>
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]


    I have wonder about that.  The older girls are responsible for the cooking ,cleaning , laundry and after the newest child is weaned they get to take care of them.

    And I'm not talking about cleaning up after themselves.  I mean one girl is responsible for making sure all the kids have clothes.  Another one does the meal planning.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I have a nephew named Henry.  He might be the best baby in the entire world.
  • I'm a horrible wife. I would suck at that job.
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    The Margarita Evolution
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:d240fe38-bd1b-4a41-b78f-0934820980d1">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : I've never watched the show so I can't be sure, but from what I've read, the "way they treat their daughters" is pretty typical of their religion.  It's not for me, I don't understand it, I would hate it if were me, but that's how things work for them.  I think it's weird, but I would not condemn them for it.  It's not like they're beating them and starving them and using them for slave labor.
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>They pretty much do use them for slave labor. Or I guess indentured servants is the right term since they do give them food and housing. </div><div>
    </div><div>Their daughters are forced to raise their mother's children. They are all on a "buddy system" where from six months old, each younger child is assigned an older buddy who takes care of them in EVERY way. The mom even has a "buddy", which is the infant younger than six months. They showed footage of one of the daughters at six years old dressing and feeding her buddy, and another one who was ten or so at the time "teaching" her younger buddy. They are only allowed to have preapproved jobs, can't marry or even date without the father's consent, and are not allowed to even go outside the house by themselves. </div><div>
    </div><div>Plus they hit their kids as discipline (blanket train to "break their spirits" or some shite) and I really can't get behind that personally.

    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:b786103f-b513-4f52-a3d2-4c47a4f77f18">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : There is no designated area in their home for services. I think they have people gather for services, and that how they get away with it. <strong>However, the Amish do the same thing, but they don't declare their homes as a chuch and they pay taxes.</strong> I know he used to be a state congressman or senator or something, so I wonder if he knew someone who made it happen.
    Posted by mjmchugh86[/QUOTE]

    Well zippity fuuucking do dah, hooray for them.  I don't declare my home office as a tax break, but that doesn't mean that people that do are in the wrong.  If it qualifies, it qualifies, and they're well within their rights for it.

    And yeah, what MuSu said.  Because she said it better than I did.

    Fishy...I don't want to talk about him either.  But it's better than naming nonexistent spawn.

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:e839179c-d358-4335-b1c9-a13a757a794a">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : I know Oprah offered to send the girls to school to become midwives, and the dad turned it down. Because the are not supposed to have jobs. Just be wives.
    Posted by mjmchugh86[/QUOTE]

    <div>Ok but that is still their choice at some point to leave home and get a job/go to school. Jim Bob just turned it down because at that point it was HIS choice. </div>
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  • My really good friends named their child Ethan Luke and their last name starts with an F.  His initials spell ELF, and that is his nickname as well.  Their second child is going to be named Noah Alexander, and their girl (when they have one) is gonna be Riley Grace.

    FI and I won't be discussing having children for another three years or so.  We haven't even thought about names.  
    knotsigpicture Anniversary
  • Aurora is a beautiful name. Maybe you could come up with a different nickname. Ari maybe? Not much better? 

    I want my girl to be Adia and my boy to be River. Because of course I'll only have one girl and one boy. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:522a6716-153f-43dd-9c20-53cd3cc12439">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]Their philosophy on how their daughters should act/dress may be antiquated but I don't think its mistreatment. It just is a different way of seeing things. They will all have a choice at some point to change if they want. I don't see the Duggars as holding them ball and chain to it. I think if they chose a different lifestyle or dress, the parents may not like it but I can't see them as threatening about it. 
    Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

    <div>How do they have a choice? The girls have no education or skills. If they choose to leave, the family cuts them off. So, their options are staying and doing as their dad says or leaving and ending up on the street. Whatta choice. </div><div>
    </div><div>Quiverful movement. Google it. Scary stuff.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:261d7649-69a4-4ac3-97e9-553ee359df5b">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : I have wonder about that.  The older girls are responsible for the cooking ,cleaning , laundry and after the newest child is weaned they get to take care of them. And I'm not talking about cleaning up after themselves.  I mean one girl is responsible for making sure all the kids have clothes.  Another one does the meal planning.
    Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

    As the oldest child, my  mom was responsible for all the same things.  She hated it, it was not religion based, but more "my parents are lazy fuucks" based, and she would not ever say she was mistreated or a servant.  It happens in families with tons of kids. 

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  • I do wonder if any of the Duggar kids are going to rebel. I want to see one of the girls shave her head and become goth. They can't ALL be happy with that lifestyle. There's gotta be one black sheep.
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  • Musu - How can you hate Gilmore Girls? I love that show. I have it on DVD. I think one of the reasons I like it is because my mom didn't want me to watch it when it first came out. I had to discover it for myself in college.

    Also, I just watched Bunheads and I'm having a hard time relating to Rory's grandma in her new Bunhead's role.
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  • I'm back. I didn't get abducted. But the dresser didn't fit in my car so I only have the drawers now. They are delivering the frame or whatever tomorrow.

    We are naming all of our kids after our parents probably. Talk about boring.
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  • Lynda! Haven't seen you in a while.  We went to see a cajun band play at One Eyed Jacks on Saturday, so I thought of you. I also discovered "Skinny Hand Grenades". Dangerous!
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  • edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:a908aa52-51b8-4254-abea-e2b07bd08c2b">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : How do they have a choice? The girls have no education or skills. If they choose to leave, the family cuts them off. So, their options are staying and doing as their dad says or leaving and ending up on the street. Whatta choice.  Quiverful movement. Google it. Scary stuff.
    Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]
    <div>
    </div><div>I'm aware of Quiverful. They are homeschooled so they are educated up until high school graduation. I honestly have a problem believing that this particular family would cut off a child if they wanted to go to school. I guess I'm all about personal autonomy so I don't feel bad for them if they stay and don't want to. </div>
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  • starrynight84starrynight84 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited June 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:faaee8fe-35ce-4977-9fc6-554e41a23e9d">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : Ok but that is still their choice at some point to leave home and get a job/go to school. Jim Bob just turned it down because at that point it was HIS choice. 
    Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

    <div>They were over eighteen at the time. And actually they NEVER get a choice. That's the entire point of the Quiverful movement. It clearly states that women must follow all of their father's decisions while unmarried. His authority is literally "transferred" over during their weddings to their husbands. When married, they must obey their husbands completely and let him make the decisions. </div>
  • I don't know enough about the ol' duggars to judge them either way. But I don't agree in the slightest with spanking, so. There's that.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:e81c5e4c-823e-436c-984e-eb144a541130">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]Musu - How can you hate Gilmore Girls? I love that show. I have it on DVD. I think one of the reasons I like it is because my mom didn't want me to watch it when it first came out. I had to discover it for myself in college. Also, I just watched Bunheads and I'm having a hard time relating to Rory's grandma in her new Bunhead's role.
    Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>I really hated the dialogue. I don't like overly cute "clever" quipped television. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:541ee516-a086-45ab-8933-3add5c2b186a">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : I'm aware of Quiverful. They are homeschooled so they are educated up until high school graduation. I honestly have a problem believing that this particular family would cut off a child if they wanted to go to school. I guess I'm all about personal autonomy so I don't feel bad for them if they stay and don't want to. 
    Posted by musicalsunlight[/QUOTE]

    <div>Homeschool by their SIBLINGS. As I said before, they showed footage of a ten year old teaching "homeschool" to her six year old sibling. Some education. </div><div>
    </div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:d7e83393-6cee-495c-8def-ea3d66865071">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : They were over eighteen at the time. And actually they NEVER get a choice. That's the entire point of the Quiverful movement. It clearly states that women must follow all of their father's decisions while unmarried. His authority is literally "transferred" over during their weddings to their husbands. When married, they must obey their husbands completely and let him make the decisions. 
    Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

    <div>
    </div><div>Ah, I didn't know it was the over 18 year olds. I still feel that if the girl has a problem with it, she should leave. I know it wouldn't be easy, but if they feel strongly enough about it, there is a world out there that would be waiting for them. </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:dd97149f-a7c9-49c4-ba37-994c578f8899">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]I do wonder if any of the Duggar kids are going to rebel. I want to see one of the girls shave her head and become goth. They can't ALL be happy with that lifestyle. <strong>There's gotta be one black sheep.</strong>
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    <div>When I was watching the show, I noticed that "cousin Amy" was kinda portrayed as the black sheep in the family.  </div>
    knotsigpicture Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:5890b642-92aa-4844-9a60-b6276f6a15ce">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : As the oldest child, my  mom was responsible for all the same things.  She hated it, it was not religion based, but more "my parents are lazy fuucks" based, and she would not ever say she was mistreated or a servant.  It happens in families with tons of kids. 
    Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

    <div>Was she under her father's complete authority until marriage when she was then "given" to her husband? Was she given a preapproved list of jobs to select from? Was she forced to track her mother's menstrual cycle in order to optimize pregnancy? Yeah. Not the same thing.</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_talk-to-me-peoplenight-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:89565b5a-8bd7-4ed2-a8b4-fe55e4279d89Post:d7e83393-6cee-495c-8def-ea3d66865071">Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Talk to me people...Night Thread : They were over eighteen at the time. And actually they NEVER get a choice. That's the entire point of the Quiverful movement. <strong>It clearly states that women must follow all of their father's decisions while unmarried.</strong> His authority is literally "transferred" over during their weddings to their husbands. When married, they must obey their husbands completely and let him make the decisions. 
    Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

    But you know they don't actually HAVE to right? It isn't the law. They can leave if they want to.

    And anyone who had their father give them away at their wedding at least symbolically had their father's transfer authority to their husbands.
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