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NWR: Am I a bitch?

shoegal715shoegal715
500 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
FFIL can be very weird at times. He's great, I love him, but he can be weird.

My fiance has a brother. Brother has a wife. Wife has a brother and wife. So that means, my fiance's brother's wife's brother's wife had a baby today.

Yay, right? These people with the new baby are very nice, but obviously, fiance and I don't know them. We see them once a year at a family function for my FSIL.

So today, my FFIL sends an e-mail to me and my fiance:

"Sally had a baby today. You need to mail a card over with a gift card for babysrus."

What the hell. 

1) I was not invited to the shower
2) We do not KNOW this girl

Am I a bitch for not sending a gift? Isn't the new mom a little distant to me? 
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Re: NWR: Am I a bitch?

  • IstremeneIstremene
    100 Comments
    No, not a bitch at all.  You elect who you send gifts to or else it is not a gift.
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  • Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    you arent a bitch.  your FFIL is an ass for dictating to grown adults that they need to provide a specific gift to people you dont really know.
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  • mgietler76mgietler76 member
    1000 Comments
    Nope not a bitch, I would probably send a card sans gift to keep the peace though if you think it'll create a problem.
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  • flyjawnflyjawn member
    100 Comments
    that is completely weird.  

    you are in no way obligated to send a gift or card if you don't know these people.
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker

    No you are not a bitch at all.  I would be pissed if I was told that I have to get a gift for someone, and also what I was supposed to give.  This is when I wish you could say what you really want to say all the time, because my response would have been "I'm not buying a gift for someone I don't know.  And if you really think I should then you are welcome to send one and write our names on it."

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  • tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    If you only see them once a year, a gift is not at all required. But really I'd leave this to your FH since it's his family, not yours. I'd probably send a card.
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  • amber2123amber2123 member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-am-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b30cf1b-e1d0-4689-94a7-069e34753c43Post:72b07a4a-f117-47e5-9b0c-2f53f9c0dffe">NWR: Am I a bitch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]FFIL can be very weird at times. He's great, I love him, but he can be weird. My fiance has a brother. Brother has a wife. <font color="#ff00ff">Wife has a brother and wife</font>. So that means, my fiance's brother's wife's brother's wife had a baby today. Yay, right? These people with the new baby are very nice, but obviously, fiance and I don't know them. We see them once a year at a family function for my FSIL. So today, my FFIL sends an e-mail to me and my fiance: "Sally had a baby today. You need to mail a card over with a gift card for babysrus." What the hell.  1) I was not invited to the shower 2) We do not KNOW this girl Am I a bitch for not sending a gift? Isn't the new mom a little distant to me? 
    Posted by shoegal715[/QUOTE]
    Is it sad that this is all I got out of the post?
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-am-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b30cf1b-e1d0-4689-94a7-069e34753c43Post:f22cd93c-b23f-4104-877e-e519b64f48b6">Re: NWR: Am I a bitch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]you arent a bitch.  your FFIL is an ass for dictating to grown adults that they need to provide a specific gift to people you dont really know.
    Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

    This - No way he should be telling you who to send gifts and cards to. Sounds like a big old jerk to me. Hopefully he's not always so demanding. You're not a bitch. No need to send a gift for someone you don't know.
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  • shoegal715shoegal715
    500 Comments
    edited October 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-am-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b30cf1b-e1d0-4689-94a7-069e34753c43Post:78efa6e1-cf80-4ac9-9268-f9eead2d0c0e">Re: NWR: Am I a bitch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: NWR: Am I a bitch? : This - No way he should be telling you who to send gifts and cards to. Sounds like a big old jerk to me. Hopefully he's not always so demanding. You're not a bitch. No need to send a gift for someone you don't know.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    <div>Thanks for the replies. Glad I'm not the only one who think this is weird.</div><div>
    </div><div>And no, he's not always like this. He's just really weird sometimes. My parents are paying for the wedding, and he tried to tell me I NEEDED to invite my fiance's sister in law's parents to our 80 person family only wedding... I laughed at him, told him no and that was over.</div><div>
    </div><div>He's got a weird and skewed perspective when it comes to "family" obligations.</div>
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I get that, some people believe every extended relative needs to be invited to everything even if they're not directly your relative.
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  • JennaV26JennaV26
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-am-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b30cf1b-e1d0-4689-94a7-069e34753c43Post:b87a85a6-b52f-4799-9ee7-0c597df0e707">Re: NWR: Am I a bitch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No you are not a bitch at all.  I would be pissed if I was told that I have to get a gift for someone, and also what I was supposed to give.  This is when I wish you could say what you really want to say all the time, because my response would have been<strong> "I'm not buying a gift for someone I don't know.  And if you really think I should then you are welcome to send one and write our names on it."
    </strong>Posted by dnbeach12[/QUOTE]

    Ha yes! Don't send a gift. If FFIL throws a fit, let your FI handle it.
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  • chocoholic4lifechocoholic4life member
    10 Comments
    Do you two have a joint email address, or was it just sent to your FI?  It's one thing if his dad is telling him what to do (still uncalled for in this situation), but it's another thing entirely if he is also telling you what to do.  Either way, my advice is to send a card sans gift.
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-am-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b30cf1b-e1d0-4689-94a7-069e34753c43Post:72b07a4a-f117-47e5-9b0c-2f53f9c0dffe">NWR: Am I a bitch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance has a brother. Brother has a wife. Wife has a brother and wife. [/QUOTE] Try saying this to the tune of the Farmer and the Dell.
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  • katiewhompuskatiewhompus member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-am-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b30cf1b-e1d0-4689-94a7-069e34753c43Post:63b75c26-84c7-4f84-9146-bb92d24729cf">Re: NWR: Am I a bitch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I get that, some people believe every extended relative needs to be invited to everything even if they're not directly your relative.
    Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

    That would be my in-laws. H's bil's family ( so my in-laws in-laws) took up 6 of our 70 invites. It was no biggie in the end but I did side eye them being on the list considering I had never met them before and Scott had on rare occasion.

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  • Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    1000 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nwr-am-bitch?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1b30cf1b-e1d0-4689-94a7-069e34753c43Post:665fad75-0816-4627-8bff-fa695c172b82">Re: NWR: Am I a bitch?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to NWR: Am I a bitch? : Try saying this to the tune of the Farmer and the Dell.
    Posted by sister2groom[/QUOTE]
    Ahahaha love it.

    OP, I don't think you're being a bitch, but I don't think its really anything to get too twisted up over. Just smile and nod, send a card if you know the address, or don't if you don't. I doubt he's going to ask them if you sent a card with a GC.
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