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Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong

motoLynmotoLyn member
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I know it should go the E board but I trust your opinions here more.

So a close friend of mine is having a baby shower thrown for her by her step mom and dad.  This Sunday night in the middle of labor day weekend out in the desert area 50 miles from me.  Okay so  I was a bit grumpy about that.  Then add in that its a theme baby shower, "Hollywood Red Carpet" ok a little more annoyed. But hey I can deal, LBD heels and they have to deal with it.  Then I get a text that her dad had sprained his ankle and they are looking for people to come and help set up.  Ok FI and I can do this for her because they are dear friends. 

So today I get another text that they now need me to bring food.  Preferably cold finger foods.  Veggie, dips, whatever.  This is when I get really annoyed.  If the baby shower was hosted by her parents shouldn't they be the ones that provide the food?  If it had been stated as a potluck then I could have considered otherwise.  Am I wrong in being annoyed, and just suck it up and go to the market and buy the food.  If so do any of you ladies have suggestions for easy travel cold finger foods.  Because where the baby shower is it is HOT. 

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Re: Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong

  • motoLynmotoLyn member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_etiquette-baby-showers-tell-im-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1387d8b1-904f-4b5c-a69c-f5adb0472f2bPost:11499046-1336-47fa-bd98-59e39a136c97">Re: Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it's annoying that a baby shower has a dress code.  Really, guys?  Really?!?! 
    Posted by laurenb09[/QUOTE]

    Its a freaking baby shower!!  Really?  I be so much happier if I could wear a sundress and wedges. 

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  • motoLynmotoLyn member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_etiquette-baby-showers-tell-im-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1387d8b1-904f-4b5c-a69c-f5adb0472f2bPost:bc79b37e-acc3-4f00-880d-91e93b4c692b">Re: Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm pretty sure at this point I would back out, but I think you are probably nicer than I am. I am SUPER accommodating for friends/family, but that is ridiculous. If you do still want to go, I still think I'd respond that since you're traveling, you will be unable to bring food that won't spoil on your LONG TRIP. FFS. Sorry, Lyn. That blows.
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    Oh yes I forget to mention she is one of my BM.  So I am trying to make an effort to keep contact with her.  Since FI and I moved and we bought a house I rarely get to see or hear from her.  I originally wanted to decline and send a gift but she so wanted us to be there so FI talked me into.  Now.... well I'm a bit miffed.

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  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_etiquette-baby-showers-tell-im-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1387d8b1-904f-4b5c-a69c-f5adb0472f2bPost:bc79b37e-acc3-4f00-880d-91e93b4c692b">Re: Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm pretty sure at this point I would back out, but I think you are probably nicer than I am. I am SUPER accommodating for friends/family, but that is ridiculous.<strong> If you do still want to go, I still think I'd respond that since you're traveling, you will be unable to bring food that won't spoil on your LONG TRIP.</strong> FFS. Sorry, Lyn. That blows.
    Posted by LivLeighton[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. Tell them you're really excited about coming and celebrating their special day, but that unfortunately you won't be able to bring anything. </div>
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  • desertsundesertsun member
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    edited December 2011
    Because nothing says Hollywood Red Carpet like a potluck.







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  • DanieKADanieKA member
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    edited December 2011
    No you're not wrong. It's the responsibility of the HOSTS to provide things like food. It would be one thing if you were part of the organization of the party from the start, but if you are just an invited guest it's not your job. They are basically putting an invited guest to work. 

    LAME!

    ETA: Be sure to leave a smidge early, lest they ask you to stay, do dishes, vacuum, and write thank you notesWink
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  • TheMutleysTheMutleys
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ok, does the mom-to-be know about any of this?  Or is this all being done through her parents? 

    I would be more willing to do it if it is just the parents.  I would be annoyed, but I would do it for the mom-to-be.  If she is condoning her parents crazy behavior, that makes it tougher for me to swallow. 

    The whole red carpet, Hollywood theme is kind of crazy.  And I love over the top parties.  How is that a baby shower theme?

    I would just look up a grocery store near their house and call to see if they have vegetable trays with dip and see if you can reserve one.
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  • GreenPepperBurgerGreenPepperBurger
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    edited December 2011
    I would probably bring food just because she is a close friend and I would rather just suck it up than risk having an argument over it. I like Mutley's idea of reserving a vegetable tray from somewhere near the party site - this way you can zip over and pick it up before you arrive, and it will be fresh.

    And yeah, a Hollywood theme for a baby shower? Lame. And I LOVE Hollywood.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else. They are asking a lot! It was enough that you had to travel, go early to set up and wear a certain outfit, but then to ask for food too! That's a lot!
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited December 2011
    Next thing they are going to ask you is to deliver the baby :P

    If I were in this situation I would call her up and explain how I felt about the constant add ons to what they want you to do.  Being your BM, she sounds like a really close friend and I'm sure she would be willing to talk about it and maybe you can wriggle out of bringing some food.  If bringing food wasn't stated in the invite but asked of me last minute, I would definitely bring it up with the friend/host.  It's like "hey! Come to my wedding themed birthday party and bring the cake candles please!"
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  • misikesmisikes member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_etiquette-baby-showers-tell-im-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1387d8b1-904f-4b5c-a69c-f5adb0472f2bPost:1d25acf3-57fc-4106-95fe-20ce4a5de11a">Re: Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong</a>:
    [QUOTE]They are basically putting an invited guest to work.  LAME!
    Posted by DanieKA[/QUOTE]

    This. As PPs have said, you're probably a lot friendlier than me as well. I would personally say "I'm sorry, but I'm running tight on cash and need to conserve best I can, as I'll already be making the drive out there to decorate" [if you're not decorating day-of].
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    edited December 2011
    Sorry, you're not wrong. I wouldn't mind terribly showing up a bit early to help set-up, since one of the hosts hurt himself. But I draw the line at helping to cater the affair. A sprained ankle from one of the hosts shouldn't bring the party to a complete, foodless halt. Give the man some crutches and show him how to order a pizza.
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  • NurseyKNurseyK
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm with Liv, et al, You definitely need to go.... but just let her know that you'll be unable to stop for food on the way. You are in no way obligated to help set up.... but it is nice that you are.

    Also... the dress code sucks. I wouldn't spend any money for it, but if you have something then great.

    Go with a smile on.... kill her with kindness. Then come back and bitch to us.
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  • motoLynmotoLyn member
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    edited December 2011
    Desert the face is classic that is what I was feeling when I got the text about the food. Just to clarify my BM is C and C's mom is going through another friend K to elicit my help. So I am not sure if C knows what is going on. I will go and I will wear my dress and heels and I will bring food and I will have fun and bail early. C has always been one for theme parties her birthday was a roaring 20s theme. Guess who was there till 3 am helping clean up. So I think it's been taken for granted that I be a helping hand. Thanks ladies for the support. Mutley I will probably end up doing that. Because anything I make will probably melt or spoil in the car. Plus I really don't have a kitchen or fridge space to work with. I miss having a kitchen I can work in.

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  • Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
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    edited December 2011
    I'd bring drinks, haha.  Cold drinks.  Do it.
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  • TheMutleysTheMutleys
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_etiquette-baby-showers-tell-im-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1387d8b1-904f-4b5c-a69c-f5adb0472f2bPost:2ee986aa-936c-429f-8917-6c7cb1c9a209">Re: Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong</a>:
    [QUOTE]Desert the face is classic that is what I was feeling when I got the text about the food. Just to clarify my BM is C and C's mom is going through another friend K to elicit my help. So I am not sure if C knows what is going on. I will go and I will wear my dress and heels and I will bring food and I will have fun and bail early. C has always been one for theme parties her birthday was a roaring 20s theme. Guess who was there till 3 am helping clean up. So I think it's been taken for granted that I be a helping hand. Thanks ladies for the support.

    Mutley I will probably end up doing that. Because anything I make will probably melt or spoil in the car. Plus I really don't have a kitchen or fridge space to work with. I miss having a kitchen I can work in.
    Posted by motoLyn[/QUOTE]

    Is K helping to throw it as well?  I am wondering if the family ASSumed that C's friends would help out.  I would be quick to stop anything from happening if there is another party that starts out this way and you feel taken advantage of.  "Oh, I'm so sorry.  I am going to coming straight from another event because I thought I was just a guest and you didn't need me to help out."

    The only reason that I would be so nice is because it sounds like you do treasure this friendship.  If this was a non-BM friend, I would not be so nice.  LOL. I will suck it up for a good friend.  I may b!tch about it to others before and after, but during the event I would want to make sure that my friend had a great baby shower. 
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  • motoLynmotoLyn member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_etiquette-baby-showers-tell-im-wrong?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:1387d8b1-904f-4b5c-a69c-f5adb0472f2bPost:8f648c53-6db6-4167-bffd-e0dc3d99045c">Re: Etiquette for Baby Showers Tell Me I'm Wrong</a>:
    [QUOTE]  If this was a non-BM friend, I would not be so nice.  LOL. I will suck it up for a good friend.  I may b!tch about it to others before and after, but during the event I would want to make sure that my friend had a great baby shower. 
    Posted by TheMutleys[/QUOTE]

    Mutley I pretty much will do exactly that.  The official invite states her parents as the people hosting.  But C comes to K and I when she needs help.  So my theory is that when C's father sprained his ankle her mother must have called her and then got K involved in which K turned around to elicit help from FI and I.  So be then.  I'm going to bitch here and there.  But I know how excited C is about the little girl she is having so I want to make the baby shower a good one for her.  Thanks ladies. 

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