Can you review my Invite wording?

Re: Can you review my Invite wording?

• durga826

  

  March 2010

  It's lovely!
  I don't think you need include the part about parking on the invitation, though.
  
  On my invitation, I put the year two thousand ten on the line below the date - I didn't like all the commas on the same line - but that's just me! 
  
  Good luck!
  Jenn
  

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• squirrly member

  

  March 2010

  Invitations should always be written in the third person.  And, I really am not a fan of fluffy phrases on invitations - they're already so wordy!  The valet parking thing doesn't belong, so I took that out and re-worded for third person.  I would also delete the stuff in red if it were me.  And I changed some of your line breaks to help it flow a little better.
  
  It is their moment to celebrate the love that unites them
  Together with their familes,
  Amy Middle LastName
  and
  Daniel Middle LastName
  joyfully invite you to share in their happiness
  as they unite in marriage
  on Saturday, the twenty-sixth of June,
  two thousand ten
  at five o'clock in the afternoon
  
  La Canada Flintridge Country Club
  5500 Godbey Drive
  La Canada Flintridge, California
  
  Reception immediately following
  

  DIY & Planning | Married 

  
  

  Married: 2010

  Mom to J: 2011

  Mom to H: 2014
  
  
  
  
  
  Dresses may be easier to take in than let out, but guest lists are not. -- kate51485

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• heizer10910

  

  March 2010

  i think the parking line should go - maybe put that on an enclosure.  there is a lot to take in on an invite and you certainly want them to focus on other things.

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• sweetviolet member

  

  March 2010

  I would go with Squirrly's version - the second half of your wording looks like a wall of text, and the way Squirrly's is laid out conveys the same information but is easier to read. I'm ok with some fluffiness though, and I think your fluff is fine - not too over the top. If you're concerned about people not knowing it they have to tip or pay for parking, I'd include something on your wedding website (if you have one), and/or let people know through word of mouth.

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