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Help combining clashing wedding traditions in an interfaith ceremony? (Catholic / Jewish)

ruthervrutherv
First Comment
in Interfaith Weddings
Hi,
My fiancée and I consider ourselves spiritual but not religious - however, we are trying to honor both Catholic (my side) and Jewish (his side) wedding traditions in our ceremony, because they're important to our parents. (Neither of our parents are particularly religious - but they're very attached to the wedding traditions they grew up with.)

Unfortunately, some of these traditions are clashing and causing conflicts - wondering how other brides having an interfaith wedding are handling this?

In a Jewish wedding, it's traditional for the groom and the bride to walk down the aisle accompanied by both of their parents; my fiancée will be walking with his mom and dad. I think that's a lovely tradition and I asked my parents if they'd like to both 'give me away' too - since they've both raised me and I'm close to both of them?

However, my dad is very attached to the Christian tradition of just the father walking the bride down the aisle, and my mom says she doesn't want to 'steal his thunder.'
I'm concerned that, if my fiancée is accompanied by both his parents, but I'm just accompanied by my dad - my mom will look and feel very left out of the ceremony. My mom has voiced that she's concerned about this - but she still says she doesn't want to walk with me, worrying it would hurt my dad's feelings.

I'm wondering if there are other ways that I could honor my mom and give her a special role in the procession as the mother of the bride, even if my parents want to stick to their father-only tradition?

Also my parents are adamant about the tradition / taboo of the groom not seeing the bride before the ceremony. However, in the Jewish tradition, the couple signs the Ketubah in their wedding attire before the ceremony. Also, my fiancée and I want to take pictures before the ceremony, since we don't think there will be enough time during cocktail hour. My parents are really upset about this - but I don't see any way around it, given the time limitations imposed by our venue.

Does anyone have any creative solutions on how to handle stuff like this?

I really, really appreciate any feedback!

Thanks so much everyone! And good luck with your own wedding planning!
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Re: Help combining clashing wedding traditions in an interfaith ceremony? (Catholic / Jewish)

  • agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    Actually, in the catholic liturgy, the rite actually calls for the bride and groom to walk together. 

    Having the dad escort the bride is a cultural and tv "tradition".


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  • SharEtoBeSharEtoBe
    First Comment
    Do you have a sibling that could escort your mom down the aisle? That might a nice way to honor your  mom and sibling?

    I am having a Jewish ceremony and FI and I will not see each prior. For the Ketubah signing, our officiant is having us sign separately. Perhaps you could check with your officiant about doing individual signings?

    As far as pictures prior to the ceremony, we are going to do as many bridal party/family pictures as we can that don't include both the bride and groom. Then after the ceremony there won't be as many photos to take.

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  • NorcalLoveNorcalLove
    First Comment

    My now husband and I signed the Ketubah as the beginning of our service so that our non-Jewish family and friends could be a part of the tradition, but so that first "sight" happend as I walked down the aisle.
    Also-we did all of our separate pictures before hand, so that the pictures of us togehter with bridal party/families only took one hour!

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  • Jager1219Jager1219 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    My mom will be walked down the aisle first escorted by one of our ushers.  Then the GM, then my FI with his parents, then the BM, then me with my Dad.  My Catholic family will probably think it odd that FI is walked down with his parents because they've never seen that before.  But like you I like that tradition and I think even if some people raise an eyebrow, no one will be offended.  They'll probably just think "that's different, but nice".
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  • chaiteachickchaiteachick member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    NorcalLove said:

    My now husband and I signed the Ketubah as the beginning of our service so that our non-Jewish family and friends could be a part of the tradition, but so that first "sight" happend as I walked down the aisle.
    Also-we did all of our separate pictures before hand, so that the pictures of us togehter with bridal party/families only took one hour!

    This. 

    Also, I didn't even start to think about FI's parents walking him down the aisle. OMG. My rigid Lutheran family is NOT going to know WHAT to think! x-P
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  • hiketheworldhiketheworld member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    This is my situation EXACTLY and it is causing so many problems. I want to walk with my dad. I don't like the idea of the groom walking with his parents, to me, it is really weird and takes makes the walking down the aisle thing less special. It isn't what I've always envisioned my wedding being. My fiance doesn't care about walking down the aisle, but his parents flipped out when he told them that they weren't walking down the aisle. They laid on the guilt and said he would be denying them one of the great joys of the heart and to "fix it." They wouldn't accept the decision and insist upon walking him down the aisle. He feels totally stuck in the middle. He doesn't like disappointing his parents and has basically never done anything that would really assert his independence from them even though we're pushing 30. Both families feel strongly about doing the processional in the manner of our separate traditions. My parents are willing to let them have their way but I really don't want to. I feel like I've compromised on so many things in the wedding to the point that I feel like a hired wedding planner. However, I also don't want them to resent me forever. They are good people and never have acted like this in all the years I've known them. On the other hand, I don't want them to feel like they can throw a tantrum in the future and get us to do what they want. Should I just give in and let them have the wedding they've always wanted or do I insist on having the wedding I've always wanted and deal with the consequences?
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