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how to tell mom

loriann91loriann91 member
First Comment
in Moms and Maids
i am getting married november 12th 2011 but the problem is that me and my fiance live with my mom and she dont know the date yet she is afraid of loseing me and i dont know how to tall her about the date that we chose we have been engaged for 3 years now and we thing it is time to get married please help with ideas on how to tell her
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Re: how to tell mom

  • FutureJilliannDFutureJilliannD member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    If she knows you are engaged, it can't be that big of a shock that you are setting a date. Just casually say "Mom, you know we have been engaged for awhile now and we were thinking of Nov. 12th as a date for the wedding."

    How old are you if you are still living at home? Will you still be living at home after the wedding? Maybe your mom is concerned about how you two are going to live afterwards. I think it is also important to listen to her concerns and talk about them. Obviously you want to have a good relationship with her and communication is important.

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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just say, "Hey mom, we set a date!  It's November 12, 2011.  I'd better get started planning!"  The longer you wait to tell her, the more anxious she'll feel.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you're not old enough and mature enough to be able to stand up to Mommy and tell her that you're proceeding with wedding plans, I'm not sure that you're old enough and mature enough to be getting married. 
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:281b2fb9-095c-4c64-9f55-1f6fc39032d8">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]IHow old are you if you are still living at home? Will you still be living at home after the wedding? Maybe your mom is concerned about how you two are going to live afterwards. I think it is also important to listen to her concerns and talk about them. Obviously you want to have a good relationship with her and communication is important.
    Posted by FutureJilliannD[/QUOTE]

    <div>This. And are you and your fiancé going to pay for your wedding? You should not expect someone else to, though it is nice if they offer. Also, being afraid of telling her seems like a big red flag that you're as unprepared for this as she is.</div>
    image
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  • Muffin'sMomMuffin'sMom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:2fc6b4fa-b0e1-449c-babd-3f70475d9cd5">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're not old enough and mature enough to be able to stand up to Mommy and tell her that you're proceeding with wedding plans, I'm not sure that you're old enough and mature enough to be getting married. 
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    This...exactly.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
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  • tldhtldh member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:2fc6b4fa-b0e1-449c-babd-3f70475d9cd5">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're not old enough and mature enough to be able to stand up to Mommy and tell her that you're proceeding with wedding plans, I'm not sure that you're old enough and mature enough to be getting married. 
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    Exactly.  And please become familiar with the following keys: Shift  . , " / ' ? - ( ) [ ] !
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    AKA GoodLuckBear14
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:2fc6b4fa-b0e1-449c-babd-3f70475d9cd5">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you're not old enough and mature enough to be able to stand up to Mommy and tell her that you're proceeding with wedding plans, I'm not sure that you're old enough and mature enough to be getting married. 
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    yep.
                       
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  • theluckiest555theluckiest555
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I understand what you mean. My mom is very forceful with her opinion and she gets very upset when I don't do what she says. Up until I got engaged, she approved of everything I did because (mostly) it was her idea or something she would have done. She was fine with us being engaged because she thinks my FI is perfect for me, however, she did not want us to set a date for 2011 because she thought we were not financially ready. She nearly convinced me to move the wedding back, but then I realized that my heart was telling me that getting married was the right thing to do. Telling my parents that we were keeping the date we had originally set (July 17) was not that easy. Like I said, my mom gets very upset if I do not take her advice, so obviously they are not happy that we did not do what they suggested.

    So I understand how hard it if for you. We just want our mothers to approve of the decisions we make. Why do you think she will be upset that you set a date? Is it financial reasons like my situation... or is she just afraid of loosing you. If she is just afraid of loosing her, I would just assure her that you have been engaged for a long time and it is time for you to start planning the wedding, and even though once you are married you may not see her as often, that doesn't mean that yu will never see her. Where are you planning on living after you are married?

    If it's financial things that she is worried about like in my situation, you just have to reason with her. Talk things out logically and tell het that you and your FH are aware of how much the cost of living is and that you will set a budget accorgingly. What do you and your FI do?
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  • theluckiest555theluckiest555
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    and by the way, congrats on setting a date!! in many ways, that is the hardest part! now just have fun with the planning!! Wink
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  • ADTonkADTonk
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    By any chance does the "91" in your username indicate the year you were born?

    I have to agree with "aerinpegadrak" in that if you can't even tell your mom that you've set a date, you probably aren't mature enough to be married. 
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  • FutureJilliannDFutureJilliannD member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:25722a7b-91ba-4fa0-a151-525f24880308">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]By any chance does the "91" in your username indicate the year you were born?. 
    Posted by ADTonk[/QUOTE]

    I hope not...
    -This is not legal advice- Wedding Countdown Ticker Image and video hosting by TinyPiclarger_image
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  • heinz11mswheinz11msw
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If you're not old enough and mature enough to be able to stand up to Mommy and tell her that you're proceeding with wedding plans, I'm not sure that you're old enough and mature enough to be getting married. 

    THIS.
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  • deb84deb84 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    So many questions you left unanswered.  Why are you living at home? What do you do for a living?  How old are you and your FI?  Why does your mom not approve?  I know it probably isn't what you want to hear but from your post you sound very young and immature.  If you are living at home for finacial reasons I really think you need to figure out the money situation FIRST.  Also, if you are young, consider waiting a few years.  You lose nothing by waiting but gain SO much.  Yes, young marriages can work but why not wait until you are both more stable. 
    If you can't tell your mom and know she'll be happy for you (or at least approve) you really have a problem. 
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  • loriann91loriann91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    to everyone saying that i am immature u really dont know my situationyes the 91 is the year i was born its not that i have a problem standing up to my mom i have comunication problems and dont know how to tell her and i am living with my mom because we moved out of state with her and havent been here long enough for us to get our own place i am 20 and my fiance is 23 we have a 1 year old he is in the millitary and i am a stay at home mom and he also has a full time job we are paying for our own wedding we dont live off of anybody we pay my mom bills we are no immature for anybody who cares o thanks for all the help from the few that was nice and gave suggestions
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  • loriann91loriann91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:f11b5da6-92d2-45f0-aa90-cc5088dadf31">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to tell mom : Punctuation is your friend.
    Posted by cfaszews25[/QUOTE]

    i am asking for help and this is all u have to say to me what was the point in even posting
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:3c574846-fecb-41ee-acef-c3c5184562e4">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to tell mom : i am asking for help and this is all u have to say to me what was the point in even posting
    Posted by loriann91[/QUOTE]
    Because we can't help you if we can't read your posts.  This is a written medium, your words are the only thing we have to go by.  If you can't take what you're writing seriously, why should we?
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
    Report Reply
  • loriann91loriann91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:228ed33b-a0cc-4da3-9eeb-f2775b0800da">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to tell mom : Because we can't help you if we can't read your posts.  This is a written medium, your words are the only thing we have to go by.  If you can't take what you're writing seriously, why should we?
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    its kinda pathetic that yall are so caught up over punctuation so what its funny there is people who have actually helped me so apparently people can read it so if u cant read it y post anything its not like ur going to help anyways sorry that im not perfect i could care less what most people think all i wanted was help i have to much to deal with to have to deal with u 2
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:8b86d570-309c-450d-86ce-38256815519e">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to tell mom : its kinda pathetic that yall are so caught up over punctuation so what its funny there is people who have actually helped me so apparently people can read it so if u cant read it y post anything its not like ur going to help anyways sorry that im not perfect i could care less what most people think all i wanted was help i have to much to deal with to have to deal with u 2
    Posted by loriann91[/QUOTE]
    None of this is going to change anyone's opinion that you're too immature to be getting married.  If you want to be treated like an adult, type like one.

    And no, I'm not reading your posts.  I'm responding to the fact that you're tossing up wall after all of unrelieved text speak, I have no idea what your posts actually contain.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
    Report Reply
  • loriann91loriann91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:14a7fcaa-fb95-4eda-8762-d00986db7572">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to tell mom : None of this is going to change anyone's opinion that you're too immature to be getting married.  If you want to be treated like an adult, type like one. And no, I'm not reading your posts.  I'm responding to the fact that you're tossing up wall after all of unrelieved text speak, I have no idea what your posts actually contain.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    you know i may get banned from tthis site after this post but i dont care ok u dont fucking know me so how can u say i am inmature im so damn sorry that i dont type the way u want me to im not perfect im sure u have the perfect grammer but i dont use the perfect grammer i dont see how u can tell if a person in mature by the way that they fucking type i have tried being nice but how can i when all u have done is down me when u are just judgeing me with out knowing me so go down another young person like u have me maybe u can make them feel like crap
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  • loriann91loriann91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    pleas just go screw with someone else and leave me the hell alone an to the one that corrected my grammer u need to grow the hell up y try to emberass someone what trying to make urself look better well it didnt it just proved how rediculouse u are so please leave me alone ur not helping sorry im not fucking perfect like all of you
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  • frogurt814frogurt814
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:99fddbd8-91f3-4949-b931-94367cdf5c9a">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]pleas just go screw with someone else and leave me the hell alone an to the one that corrected my grammer u need to grow the hell up<strong> y try to emberass someone </strong>what trying to make urself look better well it didnt it just proved how rediculouse u are so please leave me alone ur not helping sorry im not fucking perfect like all of you
    Posted by loriann91[/QUOTE]
    You are embarrassing yourself all on your own. 
    image
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  • mkruparmkrupar member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    Lori (please understand this is me trying to help you)- the fact is, that this is a written forum. If you do not type using correct punctuation or grammar all one can assume is that you are lazy, immature, or uneducated.

    You may not be any of those things, but when people have to decipher your posts lacking punctuation, they're not going to be very helpful. You can be the most intelligent person in the world, but when you type like that it makes it hard for anyone to take you seriously.

    As for your question about how to tell your mom. Just tell her. If you're old enough to get married, then you should be old enough to put on the big girl panties and tell your mom you've set a date.

    Edited: Typos

    Why is it you think she won't be happy?
    image
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  • GoodLuckBear14GoodLuckBear14 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_tell-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:30bf4a42-224b-4eee-a007-6acdbf42747aPost:e0bfef3a-73c2-4e99-b9c0-921200cbfb06">Re: how to tell mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: how to tell mom : you know i may get banned from tthis site after this post but i dont care ok u dont fucking know me so how can u say i am inmature im so damn sorry that i dont type the way u want me to im not perfect im sure u have the perfect grammer but i dont use the perfect grammer i dont see how u can tell if a person in mature by the way that they fucking type i have tried being nice but how can i when all u have done is down me when u are just judgeing me with out knowing me so go down another young person like u have me maybe u can make them feel like crap
    Posted by loriann91[/QUOTE]

    I officially call troll.  Nobody is so damn immature that she refuses to use punctuation and capitalization after being told by numerous posters that this is a written forum and how you write is how we see you.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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  • loriann91loriann91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    im so sorry that i type in a hurry because i have other things i need to do i am not lazy or imature but maybe i dont use punctuation because i dont know how did anybody think of that no u didnt but as to mkrupar she feels like she is loseing me and that makes her sad and i dont like seeing my mom sad so i have to find a nice way to tell her to where it wont upset her its not that i am afraid to tell her as far as everyone else screw you
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  • vicki0508vicki0508 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    YOU DON'T KNOW ME AND I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR HUSBANDS!! 

    It's a preemptive strike.
    Planning Bio
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  • loriann91loriann91 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    was i talking to u and y do u feel sorry for him
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