Just got engaged, now for deciding on a date/venue, and a package, opinions please :)

lyssalou89 · December 2010

So I recently got engaged to my boyfriend of 5 years on December 17. It happened at the French Laundry in Napa, California. It was on my desert I discovered a piece of chocolate with the words written "Will you marry me?". Well anyways, my mind has been racing thinking of nothing but the wedding of course! We have yet to set a date but expect it to be within between 1 year (December 2011) to 1 1/2 years (Summer 2012), depending on his entrance and acceptance into medical school. Our favorite place to travel together is Maui, Hawaii, so therefore we plan to have a destination wedding with just our close family and friends. The venue we are currently interested in is The Grand Wailea Chapel which has a sunset wedding package that we are interested in for about $8,000. Although it is a pretty much all inclusive package, it still seems very expensive. However, there is the other option of just reserving only the chapel and chapel lawn for $5,600, which includes only a wedding planner. Therefore, I was wondering whether the knot community thinks it would be best and most affordable to do the package, or to just reserve the chapel and have the wedding planner assist me with outsourcing the other details to local businesses (florists,officiants, musician, etc.)

Also, considering we have a lot of family and friends we know will not be able to make it due to being a destination wedding, we are expecting pretty much only our immediate family and a few uncles and aunts to attend. After the ceremony we plan to go to Mama's Fish House or a Wailea restaurant for dinner as a small reception. Because we have so much family and friends who I know would make it if it was local, would it make sense to also have a large reception once we return from the honeymoon so everyone could celebrate with us? If so, we planned on having an outdoor tent reception with catering, music, and a video montage of the actual ceremony, as well as a cupcake tier. So would having a reception after seem like a good idea?

For my last question, we have many close friends who we would have chosen to be our bridesmaids and groomsmen if the wedding was local. However, because they are all college students like us, we know it is likely many would not be able to attend a destination wedding. Although we would love for them to join us, we know we can not afford to pay for their flight and accomodations. Therefore, should we even have a wedding party? If not, is there any way we could somehow still include them or honor them at the reception, if they cannot make our ceremony?

Having a Hawaiian beach wedding has always been my dream and one I think we both share, I just want to get these final details in order before reserving my dates. Thanks for any help, opinions, or advice you can give me!

-A Racing Mind

MMRoberts11 · December 2010

First of all congrats!

As for getting married in Hawaii, I know a few people who did and one planned everything on their own and spent under $10K. (they got married on the beach and had a guy playing a ukulele as they walked down the aisle.

Having a reception after when you return is fine; a lot of people have done this.

If you want have a wedding party of people who could come but you do not need one. If you just need yourselves, an officiant, and 2 witnesses. You could have them make a speech at the reception or read a poem, or speak up in some way.

Soon2BeMrsTing · December 2010

I think it's a little odd that you would choose a destination wedding location knowing the distance and expense will preclude your closest friends from being in your WP.

Your Maui destination wedding sounds lovely, however, I would consider not having an AHR. I don't know your crowd, but I personally wouldn't be very interested in attending an AHR for a bride and groom who chose to be married in paradise (when that isn't where they are from or where they reside) in a ceremony to which I had not been invited.

It seems a bit like you want the benefits of both a DW and a large at-home wedding.

SD3194 · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_just-got-engaged-now-deciding-datevenue-package-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:2d31ebba-1135-4ea7-8e34-711cbca697bcPost:fe785fc7-87cf-4801-89df-955be35bf6f4">Re: Just got engaged, now for deciding on a date/venue, and a package, opinions please :)</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's a little odd that you would choose a destination wedding location knowing the distance and expense will preclude your closest friends from being in your WP. Your Maui destination wedding sounds lovely, however, I would consider not having an AHR. I don't know your crowd, but I personally wouldn't be very interested in attending an AHR for a bride and groom who chose to be married in paradise (when that isn't where they are from or where they reside) in a ceremony to which I had not been invited. It seems a bit like you want the benefits of both a DW and a large at-home wedding.
Posted by Soon2BeMrsTing[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

deepcovejackie · December 2010

Have your Hawaiian dream wedding, and an AHR if you want. Generally only those who had invites to the DW should be invited to the AHR though. Is that what you were planning?

lyssalou89 · December 2010

Thanks for the opinions so far. What I had planned was to invite all my closest friends and family to my DW which would be the same people that I would invite to my reception. I planned to send out about 100 invites, with the options of RSVP for each guest for choosing to attending both events, only the DW, or only the reception. This is because although I'd love all my family and friends to come, we do not want anyone to feel pressured to come if they can't afford or can't make it or feel left out. However, in order to make things easier and more affordable, we plan on helping our guests find accomodations using a group rate or similar that is an affordable option. We also plan on telling our family as soon as we decide on a date so that our guests will have enough time to plan or save. We are looking in venues now, so that we can send out save the dates soon, although our wedding likely won't be until Summer 2012. I don't know if any of these details will make a difference.

Soon2BeMrsTing · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_just-got-engaged-now-deciding-datevenue-package-opinions-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:2d31ebba-1135-4ea7-8e34-711cbca697bcPost:de126425-bfee-4f28-b45a-09eedcb3f628">Re: Just got engaged, now for deciding on a date/venue, and a package, opinions please :)</a>:
[QUOTE]Thanks for the opinions so far. <strong>What I had planned was to invite all my closest friends and family to my DW which would be the same people that I would invite to my reception. I planned to send out about 100 invites, with the options of RSVP for each guest for choosing to attending both events, only the DW, or only the reception.</strong> This is because although I'd love all my family and friends to come, we do not want anyone to feel pressured to come if they can't afford or can't make it or feel left out. However, in order to make things easier and more affordable, we plan on helping our guests find accomodations using a group rate or similar that is an affordable option. We also plan on telling our family as soon as we decide on a date so that our guests will have enough time to plan or save. We are looking in venues now, so that we can send out save the dates soon, although our wedding likely won't be until Summer 2012. I don't know if any of these details will make a difference.
Posted by lyssalou89[/QUOTE]

Clearly, I misunderstood you. It seems like you're thinking a lot about how to make things easier on your guests, and that's wonderful. I would be pleased to receive an invitation of this sort.

One thing to consider is that generally, the reception is where most of the money gets spent and so I would keep that in mind as you think about potentially planning two receptions. It seems as though you are planing a DW because of the significance of the place and because it's what both of you want rather than to save money- so that's good.

ivyrose13 · December 2010

As far as the packages go, my first inclination would be to go with the cheaper package so that you can hand pick the photographer, florist, etc. However, depending on what you want, it may or may not save you money. I think your best bet would be to check out the destination weddings board to see if anyone there has been married in Hawaii.

LuluP82 · December 2010

Both of those packages sound really expensive to me for just a ceremony (if I understood correctly). Granted, I didn't get married in Hawaii, but our ceremony itself only cost about $1100 in addition to the reception, including the officiant. We had our reception and ceremony in the same location, and our priest was a family friend and didn't charge us. We donated $1000 to his church, which is what we would have paid to get married in the actual church (which we couldn't do because of a conflict on the only date that worked for our families). If we'd hired an officiant and just paid the fee, it would have just cost us $600 more than the reception. So, to me, 8,000 for a ceremony sounds like a LOT. We did reuse flowers (ceremony decorations ended up doubling up as part of the centerpieces) and chairs (the venue staff just moved over the chairs from the ceremony to the tables during cocktail hour). And of course our photographer charged a flat fee for the whole day.

What exactly is included in that fee?

Just got engaged, now for deciding on a date/venue, and a package, opinions please :)

Re: Just got engaged, now for deciding on a date/venue, and a package, opinions please :)

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