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need knottie advice! (bit long, sorry)

brooklyngurl81brooklyngurl81
1000 Comments
in Florida-South Florida

I have 8 bm's, 2 of which are FSIL's. They are in the process of planning my bridal shower and bach party.  Well, yesterday I hear from a few that FSIL is planning everything and not really letting anyone else be a part of it.  Then, I hear that she is letting everyone be involved. The thing is everyone wants to plan my bach party in their own way. I don't know if deep down inside it's jealousy or they just want to be there for me.  Honestly, I don't care if someone does more of the planning than others, I understand that everyone has different things in their lives that they are dealing with, and everyone has different strentghs and weaknesses.  I just want everyone to get along and work together. I have expressed to a few of them that bottom line it's about me and what I would like, so I ended up giving a suggestion as to the location of where I would like to have the bach party.  That way everyone can focus on that.  Also, the entire time no one has said anything, the moment FSIL starts emailing and saying things, someone has a plan. I just don't know what's up with these girls.  Is there anything else I can do? I just feel bad, because I don't want anyones feelings to get hurt.

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Re: need knottie advice! (bit long, sorry)

  • lgrn22lgrn22
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I have two MOH's, one is my older sister and one is my best friend. My sister was emailing basically just my friend in the beginning so their wouldn't be 5 ideas to compete with at first. Once she had two or three places for the shower my sister emailed the other BM's to see what their opinion was. Basically my sister didn't get much help but didn't ask for it either so I can't get mad. I wish she hadn't told me things about the planning process since it made me a little mad towards the other BM's. I would suggest not having them tell you whats going on and let them work it out on their own so you don't get stressed on who is doing what. (that is what becomes a major fight between people) So now my friend the other MOH is planning the bach party and I gave her the link to what I wanted since I knew my fam and friends would not be down with a wknd in Vegas. I chose to do a wine tasting tour (on Long Island) and then she can plan whatever she wants to for the trip out there and what type of tour to do. I would just try to stay out of it as best as possible, it's hard when so many people are involved but I would just designate one person to do the majority of the planning and then go to others for say favors, or invites.
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  • rxjenrxjen
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hmmm...That's a tough one because you are in the dark about your party since it is a surprise....I think you are responding well by giving suggestions as to what you want and such.....Another great option is to get your mom involved in the planning that way you know your mom has your back as far as what the tone of the festivities are....I hope it gets resolved soon <3
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  • twinkle82576twinkle82576 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Working with BM's has been one of the hardest parts of the entire wedding planning process, so I feel ya.

    I think you are responding well to the situation, and like PPs mentioned, just give your suggestion for what you'd like & then stay out of it. Just let them work it out.

    GL!
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  • jmsw143jmsw143 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I can totally relate. My FMIL and MOH have been at it the whole time and now practically hate eachother. Its unfortunate because you know they have the best intentions. I ended up (after asking them to not plan anything failed) speaking to each of them separately then together by email (thankfully they are states apart) saying that I really want them to get along and be drama free and remind them that we are not mind readers and that we need to speak up if we want something.
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