Wedding Party

to ask additional BM or not?

I think I already know what I'm going to do, but figured I'd ask for outside opinions...

I asked my girls to be in my wedding in the last few weeks. I have 6 girls, one of whom is my cousin whose wedding I was in last year. We have gotten very close the past few years so I wanted her to be in the wedding as well. However, I have another cousin that I grew up with. We used to talk about being in each others weddings all the time. Over the past 3-4 years, we have grown apart and barely speak anymore. After asking my current girls, I still feel like my other cousin is "missing." I also didn't want to initially ask her because she missed cousin #1s wedding because it was her college's senior week, and that left me with a bad feeling.

Anyway, I'm not sure if I should ask her. My mom said that since I keep feeling this way, my WP is clearly not complete. We don't have even number of people on sides, so adding an additional BM isnt a big deal to me. I would have 7 BM, which is a lot, which means 7 bouquets and 7 sets of gifts and additional drama.

Anyone see things overwhelmingly in favor of asking vs not asking? Thanks..

Re: to ask additional BM or not?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_ask-additional-bm-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:eb5ed306-86fd-4957-ac8b-4a344bc16094Post:b5d91dcb-da4c-4a38-9c93-5b97f6bfaf9f">to ask additional BM or not?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think I already know what I'm going to do, but figured I'd ask for outside opinions... I asked my girls to be in my wedding in the last few weeks. I have 6 girls, one of whom is my cousin whose wedding I was in last year. We have gotten very close the past few years so I wanted her to be in the wedding as well. However, I have another cousin that I grew up with. We used to talk about being in each others weddings all the time. Over the past 3-4 years, we have grown apart and barely speak anymore. After asking my current girls, I still feel like my other cousin is "missing." I also didn't want to initially ask her because she missed cousin #1s wedding because it was her college's senior week, and that left me with a bad feeling. Anyway, I'm not sure if I should ask her. My mom said that since I keep feeling this way, my WP is clearly not complete. We don't have even number of people on sides, so adding an additional BM isnt a big deal to me. I would have 7 BM, which is a lot, which means 7 bouquets and 7 sets of gifts and additional drama. Anyone see things overwhelmingly in favor of asking vs not asking? Thanks..
    Posted by laurmd[/QUOTE]
    It sounds like you're feeling obligated to include her.  I wouldn't ask anyone whom I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to include.  If you ask someone out of obligation, you're more likely to have drama.
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • I know exactly what you are going through.  I started with five girls and ended up with 8 (I have a lot of sisters and a sister-in-law).  Adding one more person is not going to change much, when you already have 6 girls.  Unless she is drama-queen or is a difficult person, I would say add her.  Not that you have to to make your friendship better, but it will be a nice gesture that she will appreciate.  The question is, do you want to be closer to her?  If so, this could be a step in the right direction.
  • If you have grown apart the past few years and now barely speak, why would you want her in your WP? You should have the people who are closest to you in your life standing up with you.
    imageDaisypath Wedding tickers
  • it's obviously up to you, but if you have to think about and analyze it this much, you probably shouldn't ask her. It was a no-brainer who I was going to ask, as I think it should be. There shouldn't be any question that you want these girls standing up there next to you.


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

    Vacation
  • edited May 2011
    i think your feeling that something's "missing" might just mean you're mourning the fact that you've grown apart.  asking her to be a BM won't fix that.  i can understand why you're sad about it though. :(

    i have some DEAR friends from college i still adore, and when we DO talk or see each other it's the same as it was 12 years ago - but the fact is we just DON'T talk or see each other all that much.  so, even though we all talked about being in each other's weddings back in the day, i wouldn't ask them to be in my WP now.  it's not that i love them any less.  it's just the way it is.

    i'd say don't ask her.  especially if you got a bad feeling re: her reaction to cousin #1's wedding, i can't tell for sure if you think she'll be reliable.    
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards