I'm new and need help!!! (SUPER LONG...sorry!)

BttrSkoch0604 · December 2011

Hello everyone! I have been around for quite some time, but when I post, I usually post on my local board. I guess you can say I'm a "lurker" because I don't post as often as I read what others have to say. In any case, recently, FI and I decided to have a DW. I have NO idea where or when. I've read the FAQ's, I went through websites, and I still can't find anything that sparks my interest. My darling FI told me yesterday that all he wants for Christmas is for me to pick a date and a location. The only thing he has told me other than "I just want to marry you!" is that he DOES NOT want to go to Jamaica and we can't go to St. Lucia. Here's my back story...

11 years ago FI and I dated. We were young and stupid and he broke up with me the day before our 1 year anniversary. We stayed friends because we had no real reason to hate each other. He wound up moving to Florida but every time he came to NJ, we would get together and go to a baseball game or out to dinner. We would complain about whatever current relationship we were in. He was my best friend. 5 years after we broke up, I got married. I had the HUGE wedding with 170+ people. And of course, he was there. Well, I was MISERABLE in my marriage and 7 months later I separated from my now ex-husband. 3 years later, FI moved back to NJ and we picked our friendship up right where we left off. Everything was great until he told me that he was in love with me and had been for the last 8 years. At first I laughed because I thought he was kidding, but he was VERY serious. He begged me for weeks to let him take me on a date, not just a baseball game and dinner...but a REAL date. I finally agreed as long as he promised that when he realized he wasn't REALLY in love with me, we would stay friends. Well, a month later he moved in and exactly one year to the day of our "First Real Date" he proposed. I have never been happier in all my life!

So...I guess I'm asking...WHAT NOW?!?! I'm terrified that I'm going to book this whole thing and then find out that none of my family or close friends will come. Then vanity kicks in and I'm afraid that I won't be able to have my hair or makeup done (I don't wear much make up and would like to for my wedding). I want to dance with him as my husband and I want it noticed. Am I asking for too much? Should I just buckle down and have a ceremony and reception at home? PLEASE HELP!!!

loramarie03 · December 2011

Welcome to the board!! Love your back story, so cute how he proposed one year to the day of your first date!

You’ve come to the right place. The thing with a DW is that you will get some people that will criticize your decision and tell you no way are they going to go. So you have to be ready to accept that. On the flipside, some of the people that you invite will surprise you and come. It sounds like a DW is perfect for you guys – and yes, you can get your hair and make-up done wherever you go!

There are lots of places where you can have your wedding besides Jamaica and St. Lucia. I am a Jamaica bride so can’t help there. I think the first thing to do is to make a list of your must-haves and nice-to-haves. Once you have that list together, then try to determine a destination (makes it a lot less overwhelming). My FI did not want to get married in Mexico, so we made sure that wasn’t even on the list. I also recommend reaching out to Beach Bum Vacation. They are free (for you and your guests) and specialize in destination weddings so they will give you a lot of great information and help you narrow down locations. I am working with Melissa and we basically went to her and said we want a DW, we don’t know where, and she helped us find our resort and location.

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

Ok here are the things to consider:
- Are you looking for the 'perfect bride' look, because beach weddings for example have a tendancy to have wind, many DWs are outdoors, etc
- Have you talked to any of your ' must have' people... for example, if you can't imagine marrying if your mother isn't there, talk to your mother to make sure she is game for a DW. Be honest, and don't be afraid to mention any costs you may already know about (how much a room is at the resort you choose for example)
- What wedding do you picture? Do you picture the fancy church wedding? The beach wedding? Do you picture mountains or do you picture the ocean? Knowing what your vision is will help you pick a destination

There are many different destination wedding locations, packages, etc but to start it all, you need to know what the 'must haves' are for your wedding, what you know you can't do without, and go from there...

breaness · December 2011

What Britt said about your vision of you as a bride is a good point. What do you envision? I had always envisioned myself with my hair half up half down in a princess dress... but I had also always envisioned us getting married on a beach. These things didn't go hand in hand. I ended up having an updo and a mermaid dress and you know what? I felt more beautiful than I had in my entire life.

You need to figure out if some of the trade-offs are worth it for you.

If so, then this sounds great! I think it's great that you're marrying your best friend! Steve (DH) and I were best friends for 5 years before we started dating and it's the greatest relationship I've ever been in. No one knows how to love you better than the person who knows you best!

minionlover · December 2011

I agree with PP's. You definitely need to figure out what is most important to you. You also don't have to go out of the country for a destination wedding. There are several brides that are getting married in FL and Vegas for example. FI & I haven't finalized our destination yet but we are leaning heavily towards FL.

You have come to the right place. Don't get too overwhelmed. I must say that I started posting on this board last June and I still haven't picked a place yet.

venus909 · December 2011

HI and Welcome!

A destination wedding can be great! And you can have a more of a traditional wedding at your destination or more relaxed and casual or somewhere in between. It can be small or it can be big. In can be however you would like.

The biggest thing though and Lora touched on it is that you need to be ok with people questioning your choice and telling you that they can't go. What is always suggested is that you check with your "must-have" people and make sure that they can make it. For me, my must have's were my kids and our mom's. So once our mom's gave us their blessing we started planning :-) We are sending out 100 invites and expecting about 30 -40 guests. And I'm having a traditional wedding gown and bridesmaids/groomsmen and my hair and make up done, a photographer..etc you get the idea.. the point I'm trying to make is that you can have the wedding you want and still have a destination wedding. But it has to be a decision that you and your FI are both happy with.

I too reccomend Beach Bum Vacations. I'm using them (I have Steve as my TA) and I love them! they answered my many questions when we were searching for a destination and helped us pick a place that met our needs and our guests budget. I'm getting married in the Dominican Republic because my FI did not want Mexico and it fit everything we wanted budget and culture wise.

Good Luck in your planning, you have definitley come to the right place. And ask lots of questions, the ladies here are all soooo helpful :-)

minionlover · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_im-new-need-super-longsorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:2720c5f3-4653-43bb-a32a-44f213f09547Post:cdc299db-2256-4763-909d-15a7a1336441">Re: I'm new and need help!!! (SUPER LONG...sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]What Britt said about your vision of you as a bride is a good point. What do you envision? I had always envisioned myself with my hair half up half down in a princess dress... but I had also always envisioned us getting married on a beach. These things didn't go hand in hand. I ended up having an updo and a mermaid dress and you know what? I felt more beautiful than I had in my entire life. You need to figure out if some of the trade-offs are worth it for you. If so, then this sounds great! I think it's great that you're marrying your best friend! Steve (DH) and I were best friends for 5 years before we started dating and it's the greatest relationship I've ever been in. <strong>No one knows how to love you better than the person who knows you best!
</strong>Posted by breaness[/QUOTE]

Love this!!

BttrSkoch0604 · December 2011

Thank you so much!! I'm already starting to feel better! The dress I picked has a chiffon, A-line skirt...really flowy. I loved it right away because we originally were going to have our ceremony and reception at home at a venue that does ceremonies on the beach in front of a lake. My hair is SUPER long and SUPER curly (it's to my waist). I hate wearing it down, so half up would be great! One of my biggest issues right now with the "must-have" guests is that I work in the wedding industry. My boss is like my big brother (at my first wedding I danced with my mom and then had a special dance with my boss). So I'm trying to find a time when the weekends are open for him and his wife. But again, I thank you all SO much for being so welcoming and helpful. I think I may become a full-tme DW board junkie! I know that with your help, I can do this without losing my mind!!!!

Thanks again!

minionlover · December 2011

Don't forget that you don't have to get married on a weekend either. Since you are in the wedding industry, it might work out better to pick a weekday.

jtoly · December 2011

Hello and welcome to the board! I agree with everything everyone else said. I can't really help much because I'm eloping to Hawaii. We picked Hawaii as our vacation for next year and then decided to just get married there. We were both married before and there are a few other reasons why I didn't want another wedding. I think you should get married where you want. If you want to have a wedding were you live that's ok and if you want a DW that's ok too. You can always have an AHR or party to celebrate and still have your dance! You can even have a DW with a reception at the location where you can have your dance but if your worried about who will come, ask the most important people if they would go. Good luck in your planning!!!

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

Glad to hear you're going to become a junkie like the rest of us :P I LOVE this board and admit to having an addiction lol

Check out the FAQs for some of our fun traditions to take part in if you're interested

kimmykupcakes · December 2011

Congratulations and welcome! As you can already see, you will be able to get lots of help on this board. I think a DW sounds like a great option for you. All of the PP point out a lot of good information from where to get started, to your vision and being prepared for ppl to not come. I will just add one thing, have you looked into Hawaii?

sfylstra · December 2011

I am also new to this board, and I love your story, so cute and reminds me of my own relationship FI and I are also doing a DW of sorts, we are in PA and are having our wedding 7 1/2 hours away in Virginia Beach, because we vacationed there when we first started dating in 1999. We are getting married on a Thursday, because thats what worked best for us! I understand that alot of people won't come, but the ones that mean the most will. Like another post said, if weekends are hard, pick a weekday, and pick a place that means something to the two of you, even if it's not a traditional DW place! Have fun planning!

11beck · December 2011

Welcome! I just wanted to pop in and say I agree with the PP's. Make sure your must haves can come and what/where do you see yourself getting married. Love the story too!

Happy planning!

rmontpas · December 2011

Hi and Welcome,
My situation is the same as jtoly's. We had a Hawaiian vacation planned and then decided to elope while we were there.
Our wedding is on a Tuesday which was easier to find availability for and the date is actually personally significant. It is his grandmother's 99th Bday.
Let us know what you decide!

jtoly · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_im-new-need-super-longsorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:2720c5f3-4653-43bb-a32a-44f213f09547Post:7d1c9a5e-9965-466a-bd29-4a98119681c8">Re: I'm new and need help!!! (SUPER LONG...sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi and Welcome, My situation is the same as jtoly's. We had a Hawaiian vacation planned and then decided to elope while we were there. Our wedding is on a Tuesday which was easier to find availability for and the date is actually personally significant. It is his grandmother's 99th Bday. Let us know what you decide!
Posted by rmontpas[/QUOTE]

I'm jealous your going in two months!!!

lrmain · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_im-new-need-super-longsorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Theme%20BoardsForum:54Discussion:2720c5f3-4653-43bb-a32a-44f213f09547Post:cdc299db-2256-4763-909d-15a7a1336441">Re: I'm new and need help!!! (SUPER LONG...sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>What Britt said about your vision of you as a bride is a good point. What do you envision?</strong> I had always envisioned myself with my hair half up half down in a princess dress... but I had also always envisioned us getting married on a beach. These things didn't go hand in hand. I ended up having an updo and a mermaid dress and you know what? I felt more beautiful than I had in my entire life. <strong>You need to figure out if some of the trade-offs are worth it for you.</strong> If so, then this sounds great! I think it's great that you're marrying your best friend! Steve (DH) and I were best friends for 5 years before we started dating and it's the greatest relationship I've ever been in. No one knows how to love you better than the person who knows you best!
Posted by breaness[/QUOTE]

<div>Hi there, and welcome!</div><div>
</div><div>These ladies offer great advice. We're all in the destination wedding boat, but all of our weddings look very different. Think about the things that are most important to you and FI in a wedding, and go from there to make it happen. This board is an amazing resource, so you've come to the right place! The ladies here all have great advice. Hope you'll stick around!</div>

BMcLeodTeam · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_im-new-need-super-longsorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:2720c5f3-4653-43bb-a32a-44f213f09547Post:9314e245-4ab2-42e4-9a50-73e17b67c53b">Re: I'm new and need help!!! (SUPER LONG...sorry!)</a>:
[QUOTE]I am also new to this board, and I love your story, so cute and reminds me of my own relationship :) FI and I are also doing a DW of sorts, we are in PA and are having our wedding 7 1/2 hours away in Virginia Beach, because we vacationed there when we first started dating in 1999. We are getting married on a Thursday, because thats what worked best for us! I understand that alot of people won't come, but the ones that mean the most will. Like another post said, if weekends are hard, pick a weekday, and pick a place that means something to the two of you, even if it's not a traditional DW place! Have fun planning! :)
Posted by sfylstra[/QUOTE]

For those of you picking 'non traditional DW locations' there are quite a few of us out there :) FI and I are getting married at a resort in Ontario Canada, just because we vacationed up there (its in the Muskoka Lakes area, the heart of cottage country) and fell head over heels in love with the area. That's the other thing to remember when picking your location, it doesn't have to be a tropical beach to be a DW :)

I'm new and need help!!! (SUPER LONG...sorry!)

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