• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Not Engaged Yet

I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?

My BF and I aren't ring shopping until next year, and he's not going down on one knee for another few months (he wants to be settled in his new job first), but we have seriously spoken about getting married: to the point that we've picked a month and a colour (blue). We know it's going to happen. What would you consider my status? Just curious! Love from your resident Aussie :-)

Also, I already cop enough criticism from his overbearing mother so please be nice! :-)
Wedding Countdown Ticker

Re: I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?

  • I think your status is decided by the two of you as a couple. Some couples may considered this engaged, others don't.

    I was in a similair situation we considered it engaged but other than the closest friends we kept it to ourselves until he could present the ring. I really enjoyed those few months and even the extension when my ring took extra time was nice. Now everyone asks when we're getting married and though I love the furry of wedding planning it can be stressful. It was nice to have our little secret and get a head start on that planning.

    In the end the two of you make that decision.
    DIStickers.com Ticker
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    That's for you and your boyfriend to decide, not us.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:9ab3d528-032e-4c95-aef0-2eb630e126d9">I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My BF and I aren't ring shopping until next year, and he's not going down on one knee for another few months (he wants to be settled in his new job first), but we have seriously spoken about getting married: to the point that we've picked a month and a colour (blue). We know it's going to happen. What would you consider my status? Just curious! Love from your resident Aussie :-) <strong>Also, I already cop enough criticism from his overbearing mother so please be nice!</strong> :-)
    Posted by alsgirl91[/QUOTE]

    This kind of thing really bothers me.

    OP, you referred to him as your BF, which makes me think that you don't consider yourself engaged.  Which means I don't consider you engaged either.  Which means you probably shouldn't be picking a date already.  Lots of things can/will change once you're actually engaged.
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think if you have to ask then probably not but deciding if you are engaged is a decision you can only make with your SO.


  • I wouldn't consider you engaged until you have been asked/ have decided together to plan a wedding and not in an abstract someday sort of way As a side note: "OP, you referred to him as your BF, which makes me think that you don't consider yourself engaged.nbsp; Which means I don't consider you engaged either.nbsp; Which means you probably shouldn't be picking a date already.nbsp; Lots of things can/will change once you're actually engaged. Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE] I am engaged to my boyfriend, I will not call him anything other than that til we are married and then he will be my husband, so I, personally, wouldn't be bothered by OP calling her SO her boyfriend. Sorry if that was rambly/ barely coherent, it was a long day ;
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:4d694204-64df-49e4-bbb1-2d8d592664bc">Re:I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't consider you engaged until you have been asked/ have decided together to plan a wedding and not in an abstract someday sort of way As a side note: "OP, you referred to him as your BF, which makes me think that you don't consider yourself engaged.nbsp; Which means I don't consider you engaged either.nbsp; Which means you probably shouldn't be picking a date already.nbsp; Lots of things can/will change once you're actually engaged. Posted by Elle1036[/QUOTE] <strong>I am engaged to my boyfriend, I will not call him anything other than that til we are married and then he will be my husband</strong>, so I, personally, wouldn't be bothered by OP calling her SO her boyfriend. Sorry if that was rambly/ barely coherent, it was a long day ;
    Posted by EireAbu[/QUOTE]

    Why?


  • No.  I would not consider you to be engaged.
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:4d694204-64df-49e4-bbb1-2d8d592664bc">Re:I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I am engaged to my boyfriend, I will not call him anything other than that til we are married and then he will be my husband,
    Posted by EireAbu[/QUOTE]
    I... wait. My fiancé is no longer my boyfriend. That time has passed. Why would you call your fiancé your boyfriend?

  • edited November 2012


    I sound like a twit saying fiancé in my own accent, it makes me cringe. In fact I hate when anyone says it without pronouncing it properly, and yet think it pretentious when they use a French accent (unless they're actually French) It's a lose lose situation I'm afraid.

    It's a weird and indefensible pet peeve of mine

     

    PS @ahstillwell, your dogs are gorgeous!

  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:45a24bb2-639c-46c8-8c10-86e985a0fc31">Re:I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]PS @ahstillwell, your dogs are gorgeous!
    Posted by EireAbu[/QUOTE]
    Thank you! Their names are (from left to right) Zoë, Freya and Bellamy.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:45a24bb2-639c-46c8-8c10-86e985a0fc31">Re:I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I sound like a twit saying fiancé in my own accent, it makes me cringe. In fact I hate when anyone says it without pronouncing it properly, and yet think it pretentious when they use a French accent (unless they're actually French) It's a lose lose situation I'm afraid. It's a weird and indefensible pet peeve of mine   PS @ahstillwell, your dogs are gorgeous!
    Posted by EireAbu[/QUOTE]

    Eh...  I kind of get it.  I've never liked the word "fiance" either.  I'm not sure why, but I really disliked using it when we were engaged.  However, I also hate the word "boyfriend".  It sounds so teenager-ish to me.

    Regardless, I sucked it up and used those words to describe him when we were dating and engaged, because that's what he was.  Admittedly, I used them as infrequently as possible and just used his first name to refer to him whenever I could.
  • Phew, its not just me, I use the word when I have to, but can't help saying it in a cartoon voice which can seem a bit disrespectful. The "F" word gets my back up almost as much as idiots who insist on using selfcheck outs when they haven't a clue... shudder Sorry for tangent, defo not with it today waves maniacally from t'other side of pond
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I rarely called him my boyfriend and now rarely call him my fiancé. I use his name 98% of the time.

  • Dating, not engaged. Like, saying you want to have kids in the near future doesn't make you pregnant. There's no bound commitment yet. 
    "Love is like a butterfly; It goes where it pleases and pleases where it goes" David & Roxy March 2, 2013 Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ultimately it's for you two to decide, but from your post, it doesn't sound like you're actually engaged yet.

    My BF and I know we want to get married in Vegas and know which colors we'd prefer (red and black), but we are most certainly not engaged yet, and we only talk about it once every six months or so when it comes up in conversation at a wedding or something. I won't consider us officially engaged until he asks me and we set a date. For now, I'm content knowing we will be married someday and that we're on the same page as far as timing and our future. He talks about our future quite often, and it makes me smile.

    It sounds like you're in the same position. :)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:6dbc0625-c107-4d7e-a6e5-57df40c90413">Re: I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Dating, not engaged. <strong>Like, saying you want to have kids in the near future doesn't make you pregnant.</strong> There's no bound commitment yet. 
    Posted by DaveandRoxy[/QUOTE]

    Fact.

    I've tried it.
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:50a6baf7-d932-49cd-8a58-492ad734bacb">Re: I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged? : Fact. I've tried it.
    Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]

    <div>Does this mean I have to return those baby clothes I bought you?  They're super cute.</div>
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • What do you mean "month," like you want a June wedding?

    I mean, I've picked a season and the venue(well, dream venue), and my BF and I agree that we are getting married within a few years- but I'm not engaged and don't consider myself so. Unless you're ready to have a fiance then you aren't engaged.
     Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Im in a similar boat. We have set the date, looked at venues, we discuss details everyday; but he has not gotten the ring yet. What do you think?
  • To those who were all "if you have to ask then the answer is no", read the topic title: I'am asking your opinion! My SO is still my BF as he is not getting down on one knee til early next year, thus in my mind we are not yet engaged *sigh*. Sorcha, you've hit the nail on the head :-) and Sydaries, we'd both like a November wedding. Best time of year here in Aus!

    And Elle, could you please explain the "this sort of thing really bothers me", you've made me confused. My boyfriend's mother is unnecessarily critical of me (she particularly loves criticising the way I spend my money) and hasn't made an effort to include me in the family as yet. When her criticism is pointed out she just denies it, grr.

    And finally to add some more context, the reason we aren't engaged yet is because we're waiting to finish Uni and be settled in our career jobs (rather than casual ones).

    Pinch punch, 1st of the month! :-)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:068e7854-5148-4527-9337-8255db36c79c">Re: I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]To those who were all "if you have to ask then the answer is no", read the topic title: I'am asking your opinion! My SO is still my BF as he is not getting down on one knee til early next year, thus in my mind we are not yet engaged *sigh*. Sorcha, you've hit the nail on the head :-) and Sydaries, we'd both like a November wedding. Best time of year here in Aus! And <strong>Elle, could you please explain the "this sort of thing really bothers me", you've made me confused</strong>. My boyfriend's mother is unnecessarily critical of me (she particularly loves criticising the way I spend my money) and hasn't made an effort to include me in the family as yet. When her criticism is pointed out she just denies it, grr. And finally to add some more context, the reason we aren't engaged yet is because we're waiting to finish Uni and be settled in our career jobs (rather than casual ones). Pinch punch, 1st of the month! :-)
    Posted by alsgirl91[/QUOTE]

    <div>I'll explain for her.  You walked in to a site of complete strangers, asked what your relationship status is, and then told us not to criticize you because of his overbearing mother.</div><div>
    </div><div>Well, for one, you were incredibly disrespectful to the woman who birthed the man you want to marry.  That's not a good thing.</div><div>
    </div><div>For two, don't tell people how to post.  You came on to a message board.  We're going to give you honest advice.  End of story.  And that honest advice was "if you have to ask a group of strangers what your relationship status is, you're doing it wrong."  </div><div>
    </div><div>And that's annoying.</div>
    I french with my man
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • Peekaboo - I'm asking what your *opinion* is about my relationship status, not what it is. I know what it is and that's 'engaged to be engaged' (his words, not mine). I was simply curious about what other people would consider that to be, because when I've asked IRL friends they've had varied answers.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • SwazzleSwazzle New Jersey member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_im-curious-would-you-consider-me-to-be-engaged?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:3314d00a-a02e-425d-ba33-5c22e2040bccPost:51ee6ec0-5d5c-4fa7-9dab-c2479f5c61d6">Re: I'm curious: would you consider me to be engaged?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Peekaboo - I'm asking what your *opinion* is about my relationship status, not what it is. I know what it is and that's 'engaged to be engaged' (his words, not mine). I was simply curious about what other people would consider that to be, because when I've asked IRL friends they've had varied answers.
    Posted by alsgirl91[/QUOTE]

    <div>There is no such thing as 'engaged to be engaged'. You're either engaged or your not. </div><div>
    </div><div>You are in a relationship. The end.</div>



This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards