Is this wrong of me?

cidness · March 2010

A couple weeks ago, it looked as if I was going to have more people than I wanted at my wedding, so we had to call some people some people who somewhat rudely put plus-ones or plus-severals on their RSVPs to tell them they couldn't bring extra people. We wanted to keep it under 100 people for cost reasons. Well, now it turns out we are substantially below that number and so some people who aren't coming and so we are OK with having the plus-ones come to the wedding now. My plan is to have my mom and bridesmaids go back to those we denied and let them know - surprise! - you can come. Is this wrong of me? I am somewhat embarassed, but I now really want them there instead of not having a more people to enjoy my day. What do you think?

mags0607 · March 2010

Yes, this is wrong. Leave your guest list where it is now, and do not re-invite people that you uninvited weeks ago.

caseylynne21 · March 2010

yeah...that is really rude to do. it's not a surprise, and would only come off as gift grabby. plus if you really wanted these people to attend then maybe you should have dealt with the plus ones, as wrong as it was for them to assume that.

riverjib · March 2010

Yup, it's wrong. When planning a wedding, you can usually count on 30% not attending. It's not a hard and fast rule, but the number pops up a lot, and it seems to be true for most couples I've known, give or take. If you had factored this in (even as low as 10%) you could have invited more people. But you didn't, and it's too late. It's not that it's "grabby," since an individual usually gives the same gift whether or not they're bringing a gift, but it's tacky to invite extra people after "truly" invited guests rescind.

amagwire · March 2010

Don't do it. Your guests already had to get an uncomfortable call from you about them not being able to bring plus ones. You're going to look really flaky if your mother calls them and says, J/K! Your plus one can come! Just don't do it.

sophistryliz · March 2010

Lady, how could you ever tell someone they can't attend your wedding? Too late now. That would be totally rude/weird of you to re-invite them..,.you should have been a bit more organized.

mewebster59 · March 2010

lchamnes · March 2010

Don't do it. Save the seats, save the money, and enjoy the people you know and want to be at your wedding.

Mrs.B6302007 · March 2010

Don't change anything. Just let that dog keep sleeping on the front porch.

skippylouwho · March 2010

Stage, were you tempted to send a bill to the 40 yes - but - no - shows? That happened to a friend from college. Her parents paid for a very expensive dinner at the reception, there were at least 4 tables of 10 that were empty. People who had RSVP'd yes and then didn't come. Her dad was livid.

beatlesgirl25 · March 2010

Stage, that's awful. I'm sorry that happened to you guys!

OP, do NOT call and reinvite people. I had friends who did this last summer. They first sent out the invites with a disclaimer that they are not inviting anyone's SO as a blanket policy in order to invite more "friends." Then one week before the wedding they were emailing all of us to say they had a lot of declines and now would LOVE to have our SO's there. It was really off-putting and my H was very offended.

hljanes · March 2010

Maybe I missed something, but it sounds to me like the OP wasn't univiting invited guests - she was uninviting people her invited guests added on... which, yeah, if my guests respond with extra RSVP's, they'll be told that they can't.

But, yeah, calling up and telling people you already said no to, for whatever reason you said no... not cool.

felicia220 · March 2010

hljanes, I think you were the only one who got that. I will never understand why people just add whomever they feel like to the RSVP, I am really hoping that doesn't happen too much, because I don't really want to call these people and say they can't bring someone, even though they weren't invited.

You can not call and invite them now. Remember it isn't the number of people that are there it is the PEOPLE that are there.

Oh and the OP made a list, invited who she wanted/could afford and now she has a bunch of no's. I just wanted to clarify that because I believe that many were misreading the OP

beachbum4304 · March 2010

Wow if you called me and told me I couldn't bring a guest i wouldn't come to the wedding. it's always better to prepare for more than not enough

hljanes · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_this-wrong-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:efa9dc98-2e65-4402-bceb-57c93205ff3bPost:a19882f8-c121-4241-b9a5-dd34edf4143e">Re: Is this wrong of me?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow if you called me and told me I couldn't bring a guest i wouldn't come to the wedding. it's always better to prepare for more than not enough
Posted by beachbum4304[/QUOTE]

Really? I think it's best to prepare for who you invite, who your venue can hold, and who you can afford.

And, if you refused to go to a friend's or family member's wedding because they didn't let you just invite a random guest to bring to the wedding, that doesn't (to my mind, anyway) make you a very good friend.

luckyme502 · March 2010

I wouldn't call and and invite the extra people.

drileybubeck · March 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_this-wrong-of?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:efa9dc98-2e65-4402-bceb-57c93205ff3bPost:466b40f3-7c96-4769-82a3-2d1210a7996d">Re: Is this wrong of me?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Is this wrong of me? : Many of the women on this board simply do not have the money to be throwing around willynilly at guest plus ones. As long as you include the significant others of people who are married, engaged, or living together, there is no need to let your friend bring her flavor of the month - especially if it is a legitimate financial stress.While you are busy berating the host for not being gracious enough to extend plus ones to every one, you might want to check yourself because you sound like a very ungracious guest.
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

A-freaking-men! Read the invite! Whomever's listed on it is who's invited. It's a different story if they're "married, engaged or living together", but you can't just add someone on because you don't want to branch out and meet people. But then again, if they were married, engaged or living together, you'd probably have invited them anyway.
Don't backtrack and reinvite people. You might end up over your count again and it'll look bad to the people that already had to tell whoever they were tagging along with that they couldn't come.

lizziecaenaan · March 2010

I am almost done receiving all of my RSVP's (and calling the 30% of people who didn't return their cards....) and about 10% of our guests are people that friends have added. At first, I didn't mind, but one day, every RSVP I received had a plus one that I didn't invite. Some people didn't even give me a name of their added guest! I read Emily Post's Etiquette, and addressed my invitations exactly how she said to avoid getting plus ones, but apparently etiquette isn't observed as much as it was in the past.

Depending on where you live and the age of your guests, I think you can expect this type of thing... it's up to you whether you tolerate it or not. Either nip it in the bud right away or let it be and enjoy your day. Don't let it get you mad - believe me, I got upset, and the only thing it did was make me look like a bridezilla!

Is this wrong of me?

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