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blueyedgirl24_7 · August 2010

Hello all~

So my fiance and I after a long discussion have decided that children under 12 are not going to be allowed at the wedding. We just went to a wedding that had a ton of kids and they were everywhere. I saw that bride trip over a couple of them and then they were all over the dance floor. I know it's the parents responsibility to control their kids but lets face it most of them don't. I'm not trying to make anyone mad, we aren't having any kids in the bridal party either. We also figured that it was going to add about 60 more kids to our count that is already way over 200. I was just wondering if any of you are dealing with the same situation and how you are wording it in a seperate enclosure. We are paying for the entire wedding and this was one way to cut cost.
Thanks

MayersLady · August 2010

You're not the only ones who do this! I personally prefer weddings that are adults only. Wording can be something like:

"We appreciate your understanding that this will be an adult only celebration."

One of my friends offered an on-site babysitter in another room for people who couldn't find a sitter or something, so that's an option that is sort of a compromise, if you're able to do it.

kmatola18 · August 2010

I think that it's totally up to you how you want your reception to be! Everyone's going to have a different opinion on this, so just try not to let it stress you out and just do whatever you and your fiance want to do!

I would say that most people don't expect their kids to be invited (unless they are a very close friend or a family member...i.e. best friend, cousin, sibling). If this is the case, maybe explain to the friend/family member the guest count situation and that you are at your max. If they don't understand this, then they are out of line.

I would say that you just need to be very clear when you address the invites. If you only want Mr. & Mrs. X, be sure to write just that. If it's vague, people might think it's up to them to decide.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Jules08 · August 2010

I am of the group that says invite everyone and the more kids, the better ... weddings are a family celebration that should include everyone (that's the Italian side of me). I honestly loved them all running around at my reception and have some of the best pictures because of it, HOWEVER, it is your wedding and what you decide is A-OK.

Be very clear with your invitations, as I do not agree that most people don't expect their children to be invited.

Mayers offered a very good wording for an Adult Only Reception, I would not be offended as a guest to see that. I also agree that clear wording on the envelopes is absolutely necessary. Also I would suggest that your response cards are written similar to: " 2 seat(s) have been reserved in your honour ... "

A few things:

You might want to consider the age cut off - depending on your guest list you might save any hurt feelings if Aunt Martha's 11 year old is not invited but Aunt Susie's 12 year old is. Make it fair, maybe consider the cutoff age at 16 or 18 instead.

You should also be ready to receive "no" responses because of this decision. If you get a "no" and it's due to not being able to bring their kids, you are not allowed to get upset that they are not going to be there. If people with kids have to travel to your wedding and they cannot bring their kids with, then they would have to figure out child care on top of everything else for the wedding - it can be quite stressful. (It might be nice, if you can, to offer a room with child care.)

Make sure, make sure that you do not allow any exceptions to your rule. Once you do, you open your guests up to hurt feelings and a bad taste in their mouth about you and your groom.

KRHagen · August 2010

I took care of this with EXTREMELY specific RSVP cards. PIB.

tonyscutieest09 · August 2010

One of my friends did this and she stated so directly on the invites. I personally would just address the invitations Mr. and Mrs. So and So
child who is 18

NOT Mr. and Mrs. So and So
and Family

boxcar · August 2010

I would also be mindful that an "age limit" can put some families in a bad position if they have multiple children who fall on both sides of the cut off. I would find it weird to receive an invite for 13-year-old Kid A, but not 11-year-old Kid B in the same family.

I personally wouldn't put anything on the invitation, but would go with specifically addressed envelopes and response cards.

We're also paying for our own wedding, so we only invited kids who we knew personally and had some sort of relationship with. Most people decided not to bring their kids, and most others who are bringing their children have all arranged a babysitter or family member to pick the kids up around "bedtime" so that they can stay for the rest of the reception.

Good luck!

beckster5551 · August 2010

We are not doing an age limit but limiting who's children are invited. We are inviting all the children that are related to us to the reception but when it comes to other guest most of their children will not be invited. But I really do not think that this will be a issue because we are having an evening wedding.

I would do what pp said and say how many seats have been reserved for them. That way there is no confusion.

SweetCharade · August 2010

I actually would be careful using the ___ seats are reserved in your honor if you're trying to avoid having children there. Say Mom and Dad are the two that you intended for the seats to be for, but Mom figures since Dad can't come she can fill her second seat with Child.

I wouldn't say anything about not having children on the invitations; it seems harsh to point out who isn't invited, but making sure to specifically list on the envelope who is invited should make things clear.

boxcar · August 2010

I know its a lot of extra work, but I've seen some awesome response cards that list each invited guests' name to avoid "x number of seats" verbiage.

ehathewa · August 2010

You list each person on the invitation that is invited. So...
Mr & Mrs Smith = Two people
The Smith Family = Mr & Mrs Smith and all of their children

It would be very strange to invite some children from one family if there is a 15 year old and a 10 year old.

This is often discussed on the Etiquette board. I'd recommend looking through those posts.

vchuchman · August 2010

Family is great, see the kids at Christmas, not the wedding. You get one day in your life to be the center of attention without feeling guilty or selfish about it. Kids always steal that, they get underfoot, they get tired and crabby which makes their parents crabby or just plain unavailable. If the parents can't attend becuase their kids can't come, well they most likely would have dined and dashed anyway.

I agree with the wording of addressing the invite to exactly. I only had one person push me on bringing his kid. I explained that there were not going to be other kids, so it would be boring. Finally, I used this, "if you have your daughter there, you won't be able to drink and party like a rock star because you will have to be a responsible parent". Seriously, it worked. He sent the kid to his inlaws and rented a hotel room!

Seperate note, even our ringbearer was an adult of legal age.

Congratulations and enjoy your day.

goetzr19 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_wisconsin_sticky-subject?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:118Discussion:53e0dd82-4a8e-462d-8d15-d7cbea4950acPost:4e5b9587-db7f-46e9-bba3-80d7347122d2">Re: Sticky subject</a>:
[QUOTE]I am of the group that says invite everyone and the more kids, the better ... weddings are a family celebration that should include everyone (that's the Italian side of me). I honestly loved them all running around at my reception and have some of the best pictures because of it, HOWEVER, it is your wedding and what you decide is A-OK. Be very clear with your invitations, as I do not agree that most people don't expect their children to be invited. Mayers offered a very good wording for an Adult Only Reception, I would not be offended as a guest to see that. I also agree that clear wording on the envelopes is absolutely necessary. Also I would suggest that your response cards are written similar to: " 2 seat(s) have been reserved in your honour ... " A few things: <strong>You might want to consider the age cut off - depending on your guest list you might save any hurt feelings if Aunt Martha's 11 year old is not invited but Aunt Susie's 12 year old is. Make it fair, maybe consider the cutoff age at 16 or 18 instead.</strong> You should also be ready to receive "no" responses because of this decision. If you get a "no" and it's due to not being able to bring their kids, you are not allowed to get upset that they are not going to be there. If people with kids have to travel to your wedding and they cannot bring their kids with, then they would have to figure out child care on top of everything else for the wedding - it can be quite stressful. (It might be nice, if you can, to offer a room with child care.) Make sure, make sure that you do not allow any exceptions to your rule. Once you do, you open your guests up to hurt feelings and a bad taste in their mouth about you and your groom.
Posted by Jules08[/QUOTE]

THIS. 16 or 18 is a better cutoff than 12. I like the idea of an on-site babysitter.

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