Moms and Maids

HOW?

Okay my parents are divorced. and I have both a step mom and step father.  For a very long time i didn't get a long with my step mom or dad for that matter. but things are much much better. and i love my daddy with all my heart and have become very close with my step mother.  in the time of not getting a long with my dad, my step dad was there for me. did so much for me. and for a while was more a dad to me than mine.  on saturday i am planning on going dress shopping. and i have invited my step mom to go along.  she is freaking out a little cause she doesn't want to step on my moms toes. but i dont care. i have four parents and i want them all included. my problem is i am wanting both my step dad and dad to walk me down the aisle. and i am so scared to ask my dad. i am worried that he will be upset or not approve.  i am hoping that me involving my step mom in everything will help ease his feelings on it. but am not sure what he will think...

Do you have any advice on how to ask my dad. should i ask? or just tell him what im thinking. and how do i do it without causing problems???? i know its early to think about this but i want to get it over with so that i don't have this stress closer to the wedding. 
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Re: HOW?

  • edited December 2011
    Hi! Congrats! I have read similar posts to yours on other boards, and the consensus (which I agree with) is that you should have whomever has been there for you as parent figure or otherwise should walk you down the isle. Did that make sense? I mean to say that I think having your dad and stepdad walk you down the isle is a very sweet idea. especially if they have both been there for you. I can't imagine why your dad would be angry, but if he is, I would just explain to him that your stepdad has been in your life too and has been a supportive figure, and both of these men have helped you to be the woman you are now! I hope he isn't mad... I think that is very sweet to want to include all your parents! Good luck!
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:f92ee287-5b70-49da-aea9-6ef28ed9dc67Post:d82cb2c6-27d2-4961-a60b-519f37a68be9">HOW?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay my parents are divorced. and I have both a step mom and step father.  For a very long time i didn't get a long with my step mom or dad for that matter. but things are much much better. and i love my daddy with all my heart and have become very close with my step mother.  in the time of not getting a long with my dad, my step dad was there for me. did so much for me. and for a while was more a dad to me than mine.  on saturday i am planning on going dress shopping. and i have invited my step mom to go along.  she is freaking out a little cause she doesn't want to step on my moms toes. but i dont care. i have four parents and i want them all included. my problem is i am wanting both my step dad and dad to walk me down the aisle. and i am so scared to ask my dad. i am worried that he will be upset or not approve.  i am hoping that me involving my step mom in everything will help ease his feelings on it. but am not sure what he will think... Do you have any advice on how to ask my dad. should i ask? or just tell him what im thinking. and how do i do it without causing problems???? i know its early to think about this but i want to get it over with so that i don't have this stress closer to the wedding. 
    Posted by DeeDee00[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>You may chose who ever you want to walk you down. I would first plan out if you are going to walk (ex. one day walks half way, the other walk you the rest. both walk you down at the same time). After you decide then approach your dad and tell him that because you had two close father figures in your life you want to give the honor to both. Depending on your dad, there might be a possibility of him getting initially upset. So once you tell him this I would let his initial reaction cool down a bit (if he's upset) and move on.

    </div>
  • saric83saric83 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Your stepmom seems quite considerate (worrying about your mom's feelings with regards to the shopping), so maybe you could bring it up with her to feel out the situation and see what she says.  I was in the same situation and just wasn't sure how to bring it up with dad, so I reached out to my stepmom to discuss it first, and it was fantastic because she actually told me that my dad was trying to figure out if he needs to coordinate outfits with my stepdad since he already assumed I would want to include both.  Hopefully, it works out that simply for you too!  Good luck!
  • edited December 2011

    Have you asked how your stepdad feels about it?

    I only ask because I am in a similar situation and had planned on asking both my stepfather and my father to walk me down the aisle - TOGETHER. I assumed if anyone would have a problem, it would be my real father, but honestly, I had planned to tell him to suck it up - everyone needs to act like adults.

    However, my stepdad was talking with my mom one day and mentioned that he'd be really uncomfortable in the limelight like that, and would rather walk me halfway down the aisle and hand me to my real dad to give me away.

    I'm going to respect his feelings, and ask that they split duties in that way. Hopefully my dad will be respectful of that decision as well.


    I would talk to each man individually, let them know how you feel, and go from there. Don't let either guilt you or bully you into excluding the other. Though, if they are anything like you stepmom, I doubt you'll have any problems there :) Good luck!

  • edited December 2011
    I have talked to my step dad about it. And he is okay with walking my down. Unless my dad gets upset he says it's no big deal and he understands!!!! My dad is a good guy but I could also see him getting upset. And I've always told myself if he disagreed I would tell them to deal with it!!! But now that I'm thinking about it i get more and more nervous!!!
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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hopefully your dad understands but yes, don't be totally surprise if jealousy hits him and he thinks that since he is your blood that no one else should get the honor. If he does get upset just explain that you have two loving father figures in your life and you want to honor both and let him cool off for a couple of weeks. Unless he brings it up, I would not let the topic get started again. GL.
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