My parents' friends, Mr and Mrs Y, have two kids who I have gone to church with since I was a kid. They're younger than me so we're friends on Facebook and see each other when our parents do but that's about it. They are 18 and 20 now and in "serious" relationships. I addressed their invite to Mr & Mrs Y and H & W. I KNOW each kid is supposed to get their own invite AND a date because they're over 18, but we are paying for the wedding ourselves and that is just so much money to drop on children of my parents' friends who wouldn't be invited at all if their parents weren't. I admit I am doing this for several families on our guest list... couples with children who are now (barely) 18 and dating. It's saving us literally thousands of dollars but it still allows for these people to be at the wedding. My parents agree that this works for us... none of us are super formal and the wedding itself is supposed to be "casual and intimate" but I know it's technically wrong.
Then... all of my close girlfriends are single except ONE who is dating an alcoholic, abusive ex of mine. And of course this (clueless) girl wants to bring her boyfriend to the wedding... but since none of the other girls are bringing dates, I'm tempted to say we're just not giving plus-ones at all so this a-hole doesn't come to my wedding. Because he will. And will probably drink a lot and make a scene.
And now, we recently became close to this couple we met a few months ago and decided to extend them an invite. So we also felt that we should extend an invite to the friend (A) who introduced us to avoid an awkward situation, who is a friend of mine but someone I see maybe twice a year and speak to monthly, not someone who was originally invited to our small (not so much anymore...) wedding. So I wanted to invite A, but she has this EXTREMELY close best friend (K) who I have met on several occassions and who actually made a comment when we got engaged that "she better get an invite", so I thought it would be cute to invite A (who is single) and her best friend as her plus-one. These two girls and the couple they introduced us to are a close-knit group so it feels less awkward to include them all instead of some. But then I find out A ISN'T single anymore.... so do I invite A, and her new boyfriend, and now K as well, and give HER a date?! Or invite them without dates... or invite just A and suck up the awkwardness of excluding K from her group of friends who are all invited but her because we've only hung out a few times?! And it's too late to back out of that circle of friends because I only found out about the boyfriend when I was sniffing around for A's mailing address, so they know she's on the guest list. Not to mention I think my mutual friends asked K for A's mailing address on my behalf. Awkward.
GAH! I hate the chains of etiquette, I just wanna do whateva! It feels better to get that all typed out... I was stressing about it all and not even realizing it. Thanks for listening/advice.