Support! Rude people on Reception board

Jen6862 · March 2011

Yes, I have a 4 hour gap between ceremony end time and reception begin time, but I'm not purposely being rude... i had to work with a budget, location timelines and do this from out of town. One person did nicely suggest something to do in between. Should I set up small meet-and-greet at hotel that will transfer guest to venue? Not sure what to do and I really don't want people to show up drunk. I figured most people could just go home inbetwen, eat a light snack and change for the reception.

My only other option is to find another church that will do a 5 pm, but it was really hard to find a Catholic church to begin with that was available on my date and would do a non-member wedding. Not in my happy place.

FebDallasBride · March 2011

I think a meet & greet would be fun, and would definitely keep people around.

I am guilty of leaving a wedding before the reception cause they had a gap in time. I was in from out of town and knew no one except the B&G so I didn't feel like hanging around all awkward with nowhere to go for a few hours.

TexanTreasure08 · March 2011

I read your post on the other board, and I agree with them. They aren't being rude or mean at all, just truthful. If you came here looking for someone to just agree with you and tell you everything is great, I'm afraid you're going to be dissappointed.
A 4 hour gap is way too long. Period. I think the best thing would be to find a reception venue that allows you to have it earlier.

KendallandAlbert · March 2011

First of all, the first thing the vets here taught me about the international boards is that meanness isn't always meant to hurt. Sometimes it is a real eye opener to how your guests could feel. Honestly, if I saw this, I probably would skip the reception as its just far too big of a gap.

Yes, you are working with a budget and everyone should commend you for that. But at the same time, asking people to hang around/do nothing with their time while they wait can come across as tacky or ill-planned.

I like the idea of having SOMETHING going on. Especially with gas prices though, driving from home to ceremony, back home, back to recep etc can get pricy. I know you said you were willing to move your venue for the ceremony. Even going back to a hotel could get frustrating for people. Could you provide a hotel shuttle to help?

Also, for your venue idea - Is a Catholic Church required? Could you do it outside the church, or even in your same venue? (Obviously, I am not sure what your parameters are. Just giving you ideas)

carmen9311 · March 2011

i know st. rita has an option of a 3pm or 7pm wedding... it's super hard to find one otherwise since almost every church does a 5ish evening service.

since our service is at 3 we are just going to have a cocktail hour that will most likely last about 1-1.5 hours and then serve dinner around 6. can any of your family members nearby the church or reception host something for you? does the church have a reception hall that you can invite guests to go to for that time? i'd really try to shorten that gap because you'll lose a lot of people.

ETA: you've posted this in lots of different places and have gotten several responses and suggestions. is it okay? depends on how many people you're looking at and if they are used to it. if it's your only option, i'd just explain it to your guests and give them lots of cheap and fun ideas to do in between since you've already paid for the reception venue

dianaslik · March 2011

I'm going to agree with PP. (I know you don't need to see the same thing said over and over, but thought it was important to see a general consensus)

4 hours is way too long of a gap. I don't know if I would end up going to the reception at all at that point (or quite frankly, may skip the early ceremony and come to the reception... tacky, I know).

While it is YOUR wedding and YOUR day, you are also a hostess, thus must do your best to arrange for your guests to be reasonably comfortable with the events. Closing the gap a bit and maybe having some kind of a meet and greet (or other organized activity) would be your best bet.

fallbride1109 · March 2011

Ok, so I'll play devil's advocate here. I didn't even know what a gap was until I came on TK. Actually, I think a long gap is almost better than say a 2 hour one. When I was reading it, I thought Ok, I'd just go home and hang out and then go back out like I was going out for dinner. No big deal. To me, only having an hour or 2 is more awkward because there isn't really time to do anything.

So this is my perspective from someone who has never been to a Catholic wedding: not ideal but not the end of the world either. It's one day out of my life to celebrate with someone I love--I'll get over it.

bobbileighb · March 2011

I think this honestly depends on your group of people. I am not catholic and not used to anything longer than an hour gap in between ceremony and reception. If I am being a 100% honest I would attend the ceremony and just go home and skip the reception, to me the important part is the cermeony. I would not come back out for the reception but that is because I am a super home-body and that would just be too much time out in one day.

However, if your group of friends and family are more accustomed to this sort of thing it may be totally normal and not frowned upon. I especially think if you give them something to do in between so they have an option to go home or do something that would be best.

fallbride1109 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:b190e6ba-0df3-4a89-bf2c-a5f6345d09c7">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]I think this honestly depends on your group of people. I am not catholic and not used to anything longer than an hour gap in between ceremony and reception. If I am being a 100% honest I would attend the ceremony and just go home and skip the reception, to me the important part is the cermeony. I would not come back out for the reception but that is because I am a super home-body and that would just be too much time out in one day.Posted by bobbileighb[/QUOTE]

Yeah I can definitely see going home, taking a nap, and not feeling like going back out that night. So yeah, a definite possibility for someone like me also. If it's my sister, I'm going back out. If it's my second cousin, maybe not.

DFWIndian · March 2011

Obviously you came on here for support. I mean it's in your title right? So not being rude but does it matter what people really say? Just an observation.

I am Catholic and a longer gap is something I am use to. Most of us understand the whole working with a church and a reception site thing. We did the same thing the PP did and ended the reception earlier so that we can start the reception at an earlier time. Granted we are still going until 10 or 11. 4 hours is a little long but if you do have an activity or even just a place to sit people are more likely to be understanding about it.

Also, are you having the wedding in DFW? St. Elizabeth's also will rent out their church to non-parish members. Also, Holy Family in Dallas. Best of luck!

mseale · March 2011

Then you will have people who do the opposite. They will skip the Catholic ceremony (because many non-Catholic's always b!tch about them) and just show up to the reception.

I was int his same boat when planning our wedding. Catholic ceremony you can have it at 11am, 2:30 (ish, depending on the church) or 7pm. We wanted to do the earlier ceremony, but didn't want to spend extra money to have a coctail hour between the ceremony and reception. Then we felt obligated to a plated dinner if we kept people all afternoon. So we went with 7pm. Didn't give us as much time at the reception, but we had a blast while there!

I haven't seen your other post, but if you already have the places booked, and have the 4 hour gap, I think the above suggestions are something to think about. Have a meet n greet at the church. Send people to the bar at the hotel. Or have a relative that lives close to one of the locations host an open house. My cousin had the gap at his wedding. The bridal party, parents, drove around in a limo taking pictures throughout the city while they sent guests back tot he hotel (where the reception was) to a cash bar. Then had dinner, reception, etc.

HTH.

juliebug1997 · March 2011

Why does it matter if it's a Catholic wedding or not? Do Protestants just not have other things going on at their churches on a Saturday? At Christ the King, the only reason they don't have a morning wedding slot is because they usually reserve that for a funeral. Every Catholic Church I have ever been to has a Saturday evening service. They are not going to cancel it for anyone just to make planning their wedding easier.

I agree with the others. We live in the Denton area. If I drove down to Dallas or over to Fort Worth for the ceremony and then had to wait around four hours before the reception, I might not come at all. That's a lot of time for me to kill in a dress or looking nice before the reception and I certainly wouldn't drive the hour home, change clothes to lounge around in, change back into my nice clothes, and then drive the hour back to the reception.

Just like PP, the girls on the international boards are very honest. They don't rubber stamp decisions and we don't either. I think sometimes delivery may be a little nicer here but we tend to be honest as well.

Tiffany618 · March 2011

I agree 4 hours is just too long. If you can't find another church then I would definitely move your reception time up to earlier in the day.

I'm kind of in Michelle's boat though....unless you are my family or a super close friend then I'm skipping the ceremony and going straight to the reception.

fallbride1109 · March 2011

Julie to answer your question, yes Protestants occassionally have things on Saturday like bible classes, etc., but usually, you can get the whole church for whenever you want if you're having a wedding. There aren't services except at like the bigger non-denominational mega churches and those are at night. At your local Baptist church, there isn't much going on on a Saturday that can't be rescheduled.

lesalyric · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:734d3e90-8d2c-4132-85ad-fcdf9499b704">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree 4 hours is just too long. If you can't find another church then I would definitely move your reception time up to earlier in the day. I'm kind of in Michelle's boat though....unless you are my family or a super close friend then I'm skipping the ceremony and going straight to the reception.
Posted by Tiffany618[/QUOTE]

This.

Not to dog pile but unless you are my best friend or a really close family member, with a 4 hour gap I would probably be inclined to skip one of the events. Even with a meet and greet or a cocktail time, 4 hours + reception is a long time to keep people entertained.

serlace · March 2011

I think it depends on what you do in the four hour gap. If I was from OOT and there was some sort of meet and greet like you proposed, then I would probably attend the meet and greet and then go to the reception. I mean, what else am I going to do? Sit at the hotel all night? I'm from OOT.

However, if I lived in Dallas and you had a four hour gap, it's very likely that I would either attend only the ceremony or the reception, or I would feel bad that I would only attend one and not attend either.

holi108 · March 2011

I know that St. Thomas Aquinas in Dallas has some different times than most catholic churches. It's a beautiful church!
We were faced with the same gap problem at our family church (St. Patricks-Dallas) so we're having to do the 7 p.m. ceremony in order to not have that huge gap. But we also have a LOT of oot ppl coming in so we couldn't just leave them hanging for awhile. Because it's a late ceremony we're going to do a small "happy hour" minus the alcohol just so people will be able to eat a little something and not starve.

MissAngel · March 2011

I have a 3 hour gap and it was unavoidable and it is common in my circle. I considered setting up a meet and greet suite, but when I asked virtually everyone coming to my wedding about it, no one was going to go to it so I figured why waste the several hundred dollars it would have taken to set one up. The hotels where I have my room blocks were going to charge me to rent a meeting room for it and charge me for the drinks etc and would have essentially been a little mini reception... a lot of wasted funds.

Also common in my circle, very few people attend the ceremony, they only go to the reception anyways. So it really was no big deal to me. The people who want to come to the ceremony can come to the ceremony and I'll see everyone else at the reception.

Just another note, the ceremony part is really important to us, but I really only need me, him, and the priest to be there (my preference would have been to have a destination ceremony and then come back for a reception anyway).

juliebug1997 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:dcfc762e-4b1b-4ed9-9eef-7beb55ca9b35">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]Julie to answer your question, yes Protestants occassionally have things on Saturday like bible classes, etc., but usually, you can get the whole church for whenever you want if you're having a wedding. There aren't services except at like the bigger non-denominational mega churches and those are at night. At your local Baptist church, there isn't much going on on a Saturday that can't be rescheduled.
Posted by stephiehall[/QUOTE]
So the church will not have more than one wedding a day?

Really, in all honesty, I posted that as kind of sarcasm thing. I know that Protestant churches have things on Saturday but I know they are generally not service oriented like in the Catholic Churches.

Jen6862 · March 2011

Calling the venue to see if I can "persuade" them to let us start at 6 pm! Would close the gap by an hour. And also going to try St. Rita's!

danac2010 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:67b6d58b-6dd7-4c0e-8f5b-01e0bf8b4f22">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a 3 hour gap and it was unavoidable and it is common in my circle. I considered setting up a meet and greet suite, but when I asked virtually everyone coming to my wedding about it, no one was going to go to it so I figured why waste the several hundred dollars it would have taken to set one up. The hotels where I have my room blocks were going to charge me to rent a meeting room for it and charge me for the drinks etc and would have essentially been a little mini reception... a lot of wasted funds. Also common in my circle, very few people attend the ceremony, they only go to the reception anyways. So it really was no big deal to me. The people who want to come to the ceremony can come to the ceremony and I'll see everyone else at the reception. Just another note, the ceremony part is really important to us, but I really only need me, him, and the priest to be there (my preference would have been to have a destination ceremony and then come back for a reception anyway).
Posted by MissAngel[/QUOTE]

Didn't even notice the gap on the invite...might need to learn to read the small details. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" /> Doesn't change the RSVP though!!!

dianaslik · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:d09dc3f3-0deb-4e31-9bf1-cbe9177dfc4b">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board : Um, are you Catholic? Mass takes an hour. If it starts at 5, it will be done by 6 if the priest rushes through his homily and communion is short. There is no chance. I can actually hear the pastoral associate at my church gasping in disbelief right now. Also, St. Thomas has really strict standards for who can marry there. Try <a href="http://www.cathdal.org" rel='nofollow'>www.cathdal.org</a> to find churches that don't have a Saturday evening mass, or check with your reception venue to move that time up. Chances are they're not bound by years of tradition.
Posted by mrsamandamiller[/QUOTE]

I think she is referring to the reception venue (trying to close the gap) - not the actual church.

KendallandAlbert · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:d09dc3f3-0deb-4e31-9bf1-cbe9177dfc4b">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board : Um, are you Catholic? Mass takes an hour. If it starts at 5, it will be done by 6 if the priest rushes through his homily and communion is short. There is no chance. I can actually hear the pastoral associate at my church gasping in disbelief right now. Also, St. Thomas has really strict standards for who can marry there. Try <a href="http://www.cathdal.org" rel='nofollow'>www.cathdal.org</a> to find churches that don't have a Saturday evening mass, or check with your reception venue to move that time up. Chances are they're not bound by years of tradition.
Posted by mrsamandamiller[/QUOTE]

This made me chuckle as I am not Catholic, but even I knew this stuff :(

courtski2004 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:b4d6fb52-b7be-4461-b671-55ebd45a131f">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]Calling the venue to see if I can "persuade" them to let us start at 6 pm! Would close the gap by an hour. And also going to try St. Rita's!
Posted by Jen6862[/QUOTE]

Call me anal annie, but this is what I've got: (sorry so long)

If 6 is not an option for the wedding ceremony and the church has a mass at 4:30 or 5, you will NOT be able to negotiate that. Not only is it in poor taste to ask the <strong><em>church</em></strong> to revamp their mass schedule, but imagine the logistics. Even if the mass is at 4:30, it will run about 50-55 minutes as all Catholic masses do. That takes you to 5:30 at the latest. For all of the parishoners to vacate the premises, that will take you until 6 at the latest. Your guests would arrive at 5:30 at the earliest for your ceremony which would cause them to wait in their cars until the church clears. This will be extremely confusing. If there is any set up to be done inside the church itself, it wouldn't happen--or it would be rushed. The church isn't going to be on board to rush anyone.

My home parish is St. Rita's, and they have 3 available times for weddings as Carmen noted above--12, 3, or 7:30. If they have availability and you enjoy their mass, the time will not be confirmed until you and your FI meet with the priest. I know that with your being OOT this may complicate things as well. We ran into some unexpected news when we met with the priest--all after we thought the time was set in stone and we had secured our reception venue. In reality, securing the church has been the most difficult process, and I was working with my own parish.
Does your FI have a local home parish? Would you consider a chapel rather than a sanctuary? Is having a Catholic mass a non-negotiable item? We had to compromise that, but since it was only my mom that really wanted us to be married in the church, it wasn't a heartbreaker for me.
These may be accomodations that you need to make unless you are able to wrangle all of the guests somewhere else, but with your budget it really doesn't sound like an added expense is a possibility.

courtski2004 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:9795a69d-5f5c-4715-a310-230d142b413a">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board : I think she is referring to the reception venue (trying to close the gap) - not the actual church.
Posted by dianaslik[/QUOTE]

Oops, I think I read it the way Amanda did. Yikes, sorry if mine come off as cray-cray.

Jen6862 · March 2011

*****UPDATE*****

Yes, I meant the reception site for the change of time, not the church. Thanks to all the feedback I called the reception site and talked them into letting me start my event at 6 pm instead of 7!!! Still a lapse time, but not as bad. I have to pay for an extra hour, but it's only $300.

New Timeline:
2 pm Ceremony
3 pm End of Ceremony and Greeting Line
(30 minutes to drive to hotel from church)
3:30 - 5:30 rest/change clothes/eat light snacks provided by hotel or family/close friends can visit grandmother with us at her house (she is homebound) or go to my mom's house (most people live close to us anyways)
5:40 - 6 p.m. Be transported by Shuttle to Reception site or drive there
6 pm Time to party!

Also, called St. Rita's and they do not have a 3 pm. So we are sticking with the 2 pm at St. Monica's (where we already met with the very nice priest this past weekend).

Thanks peeps!

Jen6862 · March 2011

Arg! Sorry I meant the church in Grapevine does not have a 3 pm my bad--haven't had a chance to talk to St. Ritas, but we are still sticking with St. Monicas.

KendallandAlbert · March 2011

Glad to hear it all worked out.

bsn1752 · March 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_support-rude-people-reception-board?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:fec075a8-c917-47fd-88cf-1c41b62e8113Post:80cd10b5-394c-4eaf-b666-10f49327f27c">Re: Support! Rude people on Reception board</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>First of all, the first thing the vets here taught me about the international boards is that meanness isn't always meant to hurt. Sometimes it is a real eye opener to how your guests could feel. </strong> Honestly, if I saw this, I probably would skip the reception as its just far too big of a gap. Yes, you are working with a budget and everyone should commend you for that. But at the same time, asking people to hang around/do nothing with their time while they wait can come across as tacky or ill-planned. I like the idea of having SOMETHING going on. Especially with gas prices though, driving from home to ceremony, back home, back to recep etc can get pricy. I know you said you were willing to move your venue for the ceremony. Even going back to a hotel could get frustrating for people. Could you provide a hotel shuttle to help? Also, for your venue idea - Is a Catholic Church required? Could you do it outside the church, or even in your same venue? (Obviously, I am not sure what your parameters are. Just giving you ideas)
Posted by KendallandAlbert[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I'm the mod of the reception board too, and Kendall is right. Although the international boards can be a little more blunt, they don't mean to be mean spirited. A 4 hour gap is a lot and most guests will feel inconvenienced by it.

</div>

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