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Customs and Traditions

young flower girl

My niece is going to be 1 1/2 years old by the time of my wedding.  My fiancee's niece has already been asked to be a flower girl and she will be 5.  She's really excited about being a flower girl and will do a great job at the role.  I've already asked my sister and brother-in-law and I really want her to be a part of the wedding, but I don't want to take away from the other flower girl's role.  Is there a way to do something different in the ceremony?  I've heard of the term "honorary flower girl" but I've gotten differing opinions on that.  Any suggestions?  Thanks in advance!

Re: young flower girl

  • We're having 5 flower girls, and they'll be 23 months, 2 1/2, 3 1/2, 5 1/2, and 9.  The 9 year old has special needs, and is beyond thrilled to be a flower girl.  I asked the one who will be 5 1/2 if she would help me with very special jobs at the wedding, and she said the only job she wanted was to be a flower girl, since her older sister got to be one before she was born, and she really needed to be one.  So, we have 5.  They'll all be in the flower girl dress, and they'll all have baskets of petals.  One or more may decide she doesn't want to walk down, but that doesn't matter to us.  We want to include our nieces and cousins, and we want them to understand that all of them are equally important in sharing this role.  We only have one ringbearer who will be 4 1/2, and has been constantly talking about his job being to, "Walk down the aisle, give the rings to Fletcher, and then go sit with my mom and dad, and then walk with the girls at the end." 
  • In my opinion, unless a child can get themselves down the aisle, all by themselves, AND use words to tell you what they're doing and why, they're too young to be a part of a WP.

    Since FG is already merely an honorary thing, calling her an "honorary FG" is just silly.  SHE won't know she's not in the WP.  SHE won't care that she's not in the WP. 

    Have her mom and dad dress her in an adorable dress and have a picture or two taken with her.  That's really plenty.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_young-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:8bb97100-5d07-4c8c-9e9d-8d407ccc5276Post:e9f6f23e-6796-46e4-bc72-378d663f7816">Re: young flower girl</a>:
    [QUOTE]In my opinion, unless a child can get themselves down the aisle, all by themselves, AND use words to tell you what they're doing and why, they're too young to be a part of a WP. Since FG is already merely an honorary thing, calling her an "honorary FG" is just silly.  SHE won't know she's not in the WP.  SHE won't care that she's not in the WP.  Have her mom and dad dress her in an adorable dress and have a picture or two taken with her.  That's really plenty.
    Posted by trix1223[/QUOTE]

    I agree.  At 1 1/2, she won't have any idea what she's doing and since you already have a flowergirl that knows enough to be excited about it and do a good job, I just don't see the point.  I would put the 1 year old in some pictures and be done with it.
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  • We have 3 flower girls (4, 5 & 7) and 2 ring bearers (5 & 8).  My FI has 2 daughters and my god daughter.  Our ring bearers are our 2 nephews.  I have another nephew, but he is a year and a half and will sit with his Mom.
  • I think I'm in the minority on this one, but if it were me, I would add your niece. We're having two ring bearers, ages 4 and 2. The 4 year old is super excited, and the 2 year old just learned FI's name, that made me excited! I'm not expecting anything from the 2 year old, and you can't at that age (or really any age, FI's niece was in her mom's wedding, she was about 7 and didn't walk down the aisle b/c she was grumpy that day). If the 2 year old doesn't want to walk to the aisle because he's nervous or crabby, that's completely fine. I wanted him to be a part of our day because he's important to us, not because he fits into a particular role.

    But, if you have your niece in the wedding, make sure you have a sense of humor and understand she might take the spot light. A couple of examples, one wedding I went to had a 1-2 year old flower girl who ripped off her diaper during the wedding. Another wedding had a younger RB maybe 3, who was singing and dancing during the ceremony. Both took some of the spot light from the B&G, both were incredibly cute, and I don't think in either case it was a big deal and the B&G didn't mind.

  • Your niece will have no idea of what is going on, and will have no concept of being left out.  I'd leave things the way you have them.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • If you want your neice to be in it, do it. We are having two flower girls - one is 6 and the other just turned 3. The 3 year old is very shy and we don't think she'll make it down the aisle - and whatever happens, we are happy with. The 3-year-old is near and dear to my heart, and I want her to play a special part. At the very least, she will be in the photos and she will wear a cute dress.

    We are having 1 ring bearer who also just turned 3. The 6-year-old flower girl will go down the aisle first, with the two 3-year-olds following her.

    Do what you want - just remember that if your neice doesn't make it down the aisle, it's okay. :)
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  • I went to a wedding where the older flower girl pulled the younger one in a wagon! It was SOOOO cute!! They had the wagon decorated and everything. Just thought I'd pass that along :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_young-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:36Discussion:8bb97100-5d07-4c8c-9e9d-8d407ccc5276Post:5cef9c17-fdd3-4088-9f0e-369cf0fd9a87">Re: young flower girl</a>:
    [QUOTE]I went to a wedding where the older flower girl pulled the younger one in a wagon! It was SOOOO cute!! They had the wagon decorated and everything. Just thought I'd pass that along :)
    Posted by MLC613[/QUOTE]

    Oh!  I love this!  We're wanting to include two of FI's nieces (one will be 11 and the other will be 2 two weeks after the wedding) and my niece (she'll be 8).  I was planning on giving FI's older niece a choice of being a FG or a BM (she's at that age, you know...wouldn't want to force her into a 'baby' role) because I LOVE her (we're actually having a slumber party on Friday!).  But I think my niece and/or FI's older niece pulling FI's younger niece in a wagon down the aisle would be awesome!  We're having an outdoor wedding at FI's brother's farm, so it seems fitting :)
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  • CMGr-That's not always the case, though.  I think it depends on the child.  I was the FG in my dad's wedding a couple of weeks after I turned 2.  I walked down the aisle scattering petals, got to the end and looked cute, and the sat with my grandparents for the ceremony.  No screaming, no fits, no tantrums.  Just a well-behaved two-year-old who took her job as FG very seriously.

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  • I have 3 flower girls 3, 5, & 5.  They are all important to me in a different way so i'm having them all. I think if she's important to you, have her in your bridal party.  My fiance's nephew is only going to be a year and a half at the time of our wedding and he's in the wedding.  He'll be walking with a 6 yr old ring bearer also.  Whatever the day brings we'll be fine with but it was important to us to include them all.
  • You could use her as a ring bearer maybe?
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  • My nephew will only be 18 months old at my wedding and we're using him as a ring bearer.  It's a small wedding with just family and very close friends.  My little sister is 7 and the flower girl and he loves her.  We think he'll just run down the aisle to her, but if he doesn't we don't care.  He's my only  nephew and I want him in my wedding, I don't care if he won't remember it because I will and that's all that matters.  So do what you want to do.
  • I'm having 2 flower girls...and 4 ring bearers... they will be the only children at the reception.
  • I had a 2 yr old and a 8 yr old. If you want the child to be in the wedding you could use her as a flower girl but have her either pulled down the aisle in a cute decorated wagon or just in pics. My FG did fine, until she had to stand there then she went to my mom and watched from there. It was so cute though! She had her little blankie! (and By the way ...I am not a kid person so if it was ok for me then i'm sure it will work out) lol
  • I was just at my FSIL's wedding this past weekend and they had their children as child attendants: a 7yr old FG a 9mo FG and a 2yr old RB. The baby FG was escorted (carried) by my FI and then followed by her two siblings. The RB (who did not want anything to do with the pillow) ended up making a break for it once he got to the end of the aisle. (the ceremony was outdoors) FI had to chase him down which delayed the brides entrance.  I really think it depends on what kind of bride you are if you can handle something like this. Its not for everyone. Just be aware that toddlers are unpredictable and your procession will probably not be seamless with such young kids. 
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