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Rude or practical?

kbrampkbramp member
First Comment
in Registry and Gift Forum

Earlier, I saw a posting about asking for cash or gift cards in lieu of presents (I know...it's rude to even mention presents!) but I'm in a pickle. My fiancee and I are moving to St. Maarten in two weeks (he's going to med school, I'm teaching at a prep school) and we'll be there for about three years. We only had two slots to choose from to get married---April 29th or August 12th--because that's the only time we have more than 2 consecutive days off together.

We're coming back to the states to get married in Augusta, GA (his hometown) and we realized that it will probably cost us well into the hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars to actually get the gifts back to the island...and we'll have to pay that again when we ship them BACK to the states when we leave.

I really, really want to register but I don't want to a.) leave all of our gifts at my parent's house until we're back in the states two years later  or b.) pay alllll of that money to ship them to St. Maarten. I mean, it's two of us living off of a teacher's salary and some student loans. Should we spread the word that cash/gift cards would be easiest, or just leave any gifts we receive in the states until we can use them in 2013?

Sorry I'm long-winded---but what might be a good course of action for us?

Just call me Mrs. Beard :)
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Re: Rude or practical?

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    gottahavashortigottahavashorti member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Should we spread the word that cash/gift cards would be easiest, or just leave any gifts we receive in the states until we can use them in 2013?

    That's really up to you.  Since you don't want to leave everything at your parents' house, you'd need a storage unit and those tend to be pricey.  Guests should figure it out on their own, but your families can spread the word to those who ask that cash might be best since you're living abroad.
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    I agree with Gotta.  Your guests, more than likely, know your situation and should plan accordingly.  Let your parents and maybe your BP know your wishes, this way if anyone asks about your registry they can relay your wishes.
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    peggyo10peggyo10
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    one thing to think about...

    i think a lot of gift cards have some type of expiration date...if you don't use the card within a certain amount of time (maybe 1 year?) then the company subtracts a fee from the balance on the card each month.  so for some places, it might not work to wait to use the cards, either.
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    Adrini76Adrini76 member
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    Used to be the case but isn't allowed anymore. Changed around...I want to say 3 years ago, but don't quote me on that. 
    Wedding planning land is not friendly to feminists.
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    ShaunajRNShaunajRN
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    Bring all your favorite/essential ones with you... and leave all the non-important/nonessential ones at home. You'd be surprised how quickly you leave stuff behind when you say do I really NEED this DAILY?? 
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Honestly, my H and I live overseas right now, and we have a storage unit anyway, and we knew that once we moved back we'd be starting all over again from scratch with buying household items so we did register and planned to put them in storage.  Unfortunately, all our guests kindly gave us cash.  We definitely appreciated it, but would have liked having those items waiting for us in the States when we came back.  3 years isn't that long of a time, and the amount you'd spend for a storage unit more than makes up for the thousands you'd spend trying to get nice things, because let's face it, you might not have the time or money to be able to do that.

    We were able to get a very small storage space (we aren't holding any furniture) for, I think it's something like $30 a month, and it's climate controlled, so it's definitely possible for you to find a good deal on that. 
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    God kills a bunny every time someone asks about honeymoon registries.
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    jessicaleigh1905jessicaleigh1905 member
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    my brother-in-law was kinda in the same boat when he got married - they included a cute little poem in the invitation that talked about how they were moving and wouldn't be able to take things with them and that cash and gift cards would be better - the wedding was in kentucky where the bride lived and they were driving to texas (just in a car) as soon as the wedding was over - it was a cute idea - I knew they were moving but probably wouldn't have thought about it when getting a gift
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    golden1215golden1215 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    I've always wondered about the whole "cost of shipping" thing that people say because don't you have to pay to ship your current things anyway?  Like, I registered for a nice, shiney new toaster to replace my ghetto old white one.  If I was moving, I'd need a toaster regardless so I'm either paying to ship new or old- but they still cost the same.  Or a cool new dyson vacuum but still, if you dont get it, youre still hauling your old/current one around... right?

    And for nice china and such you pretty much only take that out at special occasions anyway (which you prob wont be having solo in st maartan) so to leave it at ur moms or just take 2 place settings with you is no biggie.
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    PharmacyBridePharmacyBride
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    I would say don't have a shower, which your probably can't since you won't want to fly back for a shower anyways.  But it is awkward to have a shower without gifts (unless it is a recipe shower or something).

    I would say any mention of gifts in the invitation is not okay.  No matter how cute the poem.. it comes off rude, IMO.

    Most people will know where you are living.  Those who don't (mom's friend, random cousin, etc) will ask "why you didn't get a shower" or "where you are registered"... it is absolutely okay for you, friends, family to answer "It will cost too much to ship the items back and forth."  

    If you were gone less than a year... storing would make sense... but to put things in storage for 3 years is a bit excessive. They also know he is in school... and you work as a teacher.  I think you may get a few "white elephant" gifts.. but MOST people will give you cash or check!

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    kbrampkbramp member
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    Good idea, pharmacybride. And you're right, I've told my moh and bridesmaids "No shower."

    I think I'm just not going to register....except for a few small things like someone suggested earlier....and leave everything else to chance.
    Just call me Mrs. Beard :)
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    melliott09melliott09
    First Comment
    Based on your circumstances, depending how big your wedding is (only family or lots of people) I think it would be easy to spread the word, especially if it's only family and close friends. Everyone your close with should be those who are invited, and they should be well aware of your situation already. So hopefully your guests will think ahead and realize that with your upcoming move, it would be a PITA to transport all these larger gifts.
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