Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church?

veevi24 · August 2012

I thought it was a great idea to do the Thursday before Good Friday so everyone would have the next day off. We would get a great venue and save money!
BUT me not being Catholic I didn't realize that Thursday is considered the holiest day of all? My fiance is catholic, and his family and he were hoping for us to marry in a church...
one priest we consulted with said the marriage would not bee recognized in the eyes of god and our children could not be raised catholic.... has anyone heard differently?? i'm very disappointed had my heart set on spring at this venue in this price range

HobokensFury · August 2012

1) You are correct. A Catholic church will not marry you on Holy Thursday. You may want to change the date because there are Lent dietary (no meat, they give up something, etc) restrictions and church obligations during Holy week so if your FI's family is practicing they woun't be happy about a Holy Thursday wedding. It's a somber say in the church, not a happy one.

2) Your marriage will not be recognized as a Catholic marriage but it's still valid. Some churches may give you an issue about baptizing your children but many woun't. So it's not completely true.

agu101 · August 2012

1) Although you will save money at your venue, you should really think through before having your wedding on a Thursday, espcially during Easter week. First of all, I have never, ever had off Good Friday in my professional career, so don't assume everyone has off the next day. Not only would you be inconveniencing them on a Thursday, but you'd also be making many have to take the next day off of work as well. That time of year is also Spring Break and many people/families may plan to go away at that time, so you'll need to take that into consideration as well among your potential guest list. And as PP pointed out, the Lent dietry restrictions can also impact your menu.

2) If it's important for your FI and his family for him to marry in a Catholic church, then that needs to be respected. And yes, it can impact your children being raised in the Catholic religion and your FI becoming a godparent if he doesn't receive the sacrament of matrimony. However, there are options to make everyone happy. I am Catholic and opted to do a small private Catholic ceremony at my church with just our families so it could be recognized and we'd receive the sacrament of matrimony, but then we are having our big wedding with a ceremony outside at our venue, which is what I wanted.

tropicalpalmleaf · August 2012

It is true what the priest said. There are no weddings during Easter week. If you get married somewhere outside of the Church, your marriage will be invalid in the eyes of the Church, not the state. You should apply for a dispensation before marrying, which may or may not be approved. It all depends on the circumstances.

jcg98 · August 2012

Also, you should consider your guest list. If most of FI's family members are Catholic, they are not going to want to go to a wedding on Holy Thursday, dispensation or not. Holy Thursday is the start of the Easter Triduum, the most sacred time of the year for Catholics that lasts from Holy Thursday through Easter Sunday. I can't speak for all Catholics, but I would decline a wedding invitation on Holy Thursday.

Your intentions are good, but I recommend you pick another date. There are other "long weekends" to consider that don't revolve around religious observances.

ETA: also, PPs are correct, most companies don't give employees Good Friday off. I always had to take it as a vacation day.

njdoxie · August 2012

A Holy Thursday wedding won't be recognized by the Church, but that doesn't mean you can't raise your children Catholic or be a Godparent. I have a few friends that have married people who are divorced, and therefore do not have valid Church marriages, but had no problem baptizing their children or being Godparents. I've also been to a Christening where the parents were a gay couple. I suppose it could depend on the Church though.

I don't think Holy Thursday is a good day to get married even if you're not religious. As PP's have said most people don't have off on Good Friday. The only people I know who have it off work with the stock market, and alot of people go away that week either for vacation or to spend Easter with family.

Maybe Sunday of Memorial Day weekend might be better. You could get the Sunday rate but it's still like a Saturday.

JoanE2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_getting-married-on-holy-thursday-in-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:06b1ca34-00ec-439f-ad15-b7adcbce3d9bPost:10c1ea8f-2778-46b1-ba0d-99738492a699">Re: Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church?</a>:
[QUOTE]1) Although you will save money at your venue, you should really think through before having your wedding on a Thursday, espcially during Easter week. First of all, I have never, ever had off Good Friday in my professional career, so don't assume everyone has off the next day. Not only would you be inconveniencing them on a Thursday, but you'd also be making many have to take the next day off of work as well. That time of year is also Spring Break and many people/families may plan to go away at that time, so you'll need to take that into consideration as well among your potential guest list. And as PP pointed out, the Lent dietry restrictions can also impact your menu. 2) If it's important for your FI and his family for him to marry in a Catholic church, then that needs to be respected. And yes, it can impact your children being raised in the Catholic religion and your FI becoming a godparent if he doesn't receive the sacrament of matrimony. However, there are options to make everyone happy. <strong>I am Catholic and opted to do a small private Catholic ceremony at my church with just our families so it could be recognized and we'd receive the sacrament of matrimony, but then we are having our big wedding with a ceremony outside at our venue, which is what I wanted.</strong>
Posted by agu101[/QUOTE]

How do you have another ceremony outside at your venue when you were married at your church? Do your guests know the ceremony at the venue is "fake"?

dsimone43 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_getting-married-on-holy-thursday-in-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:90Discussion:06b1ca34-00ec-439f-ad15-b7adcbce3d9bPost:74d4810e-facb-414e-9129-95040f4ffc87">Re: Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church? : How do you have another ceremony outside at your venue when you were married at your church? Do your guests know the ceremony at the venue is "fake"?
Posted by JoanE2012[/QUOTE]

It's not necessarily fake... I actually love this idea and wish we had decided to do something like this. Both ceremonies can be very meaningful for different reasons. Having a ceremony in the church to complete a sacrament and make some family members happy while also having a ceremony outside the church can be very beautiful.

JoanE2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_getting-married-on-holy-thursday-in-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:06b1ca34-00ec-439f-ad15-b7adcbce3d9bPost:f89a8e08-f5f5-4856-bee5-131a17f066f7">Re: Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church? : It's not necessarily fake... I actually love this idea and wish we had decided to do something like this. Both ceremonies can be very meaningful for different reasons. Having a ceremony in the church to complete a sacrament and make some family members happy while also having a ceremony outside the church can be very beautiful.
Posted by dsimone43[/QUOTE]

How do you do that though? You can only get married once. So basically the outside ceremony is for "show"? Do the guests know the bride and groom are married? I would be ticked if I found out they they were pretending to get married when in fact they already were.

Sometimes you have to compromise and not get everything you want.

kristen8040 · August 2012

I've had friends get their marriage convalidated by the church after the wedding. I think doing it that way is a little more appropriate since you're not "faking" it later on.

Giaspo · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_getting-married-on-holy-thursday-in-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:06b1ca34-00ec-439f-ad15-b7adcbce3d9bPost:ea71807e-db62-4953-a049-acca5bec71c0">Re: Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've had friends get their marriage convalidated by the church after the wedding. I think doing it that way is a little more appropriate since you're not "faking" it later on.
Posted by kristen8040[/QUOTE]

My best friend had a Renaissance wedding before her reception and did this afterwards to please her mom.

agu101 · August 2012

Actually, our officiant, a retired Catholic priest, was very helpful in guiding us so that we could receive our sacrament but still have a wedding outside of the church. No, my wedding at the venue is not "fake" and it is the one that is more meaningful to us because all our friends and family will be there and is the day that will be our anniversary. Our priest highly suggested we do the Catholic ceremony before our big wedding because a convalidation ceremony is much more involved. You basically have to explain to the churchy why you opted not to get married in a church in the first place and there is more work involved in doing this. You would actually be surprised how many people go the route of doing a Catholic ceremony first- our priest told us it happens all the time and just about everyone he marries of Catholic faith goes this route.

JoanE2012 · August 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_getting-married-on-holy-thursday-in-church?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:06b1ca34-00ec-439f-ad15-b7adcbce3d9bPost:d27fb550-dc5d-48b1-b095-9937552f3a72">Re: Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church?</a>:
[QUOTE]Actually, our officiant, a retired Catholic priest, was very helpful in guiding us so that we could receive our sacrament but still have a wedding outside of the church. No, my wedding at the venue is not "fake" and it is the one that is more meaningful to us because all our friends and family will be there and is the day that will be our anniversary. Our priest highly suggested we do the Catholic ceremony before our big wedding because a convalidation ceremony is much more involved. You basically have to explain to the churchy why you opted not to get married in a church in the first place and there is more work involved in doing this. You would actually be surprised how many people go the route of doing a Catholic ceremony first- our priest told us it happens all the time and just about everyone he marries of Catholic faith goes this route.
Posted by agu101[/QUOTE]

Again, how is this done? If you are married in the church, how do you get married again? You only get one wedding. This does not make any sense. Is your officiant at the outdoor ceremony "pretending" to marry you?

tropicalpalmleaf · August 2012

Yeah, sorry doesn't sound like a wedding, but a vow renewal. If a church wedding isn't for you, you shouldn't do it to please other people.

DeDeSwe · August 2012

Most people don't have off on Friday

Getting married on Holy Thursday? in church?

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