Children at wedding?

Meggers723 · December 2012

Any thought on children at ceremony and/or reception? Is there an appropriate age cut off? Will anyone be offended with adult only weddings? Sitter provided at reception? Im at a loss...

alithebride · December 2012

dh and i had 3 kids at our wedding-my little sister, my younger cousin and my best friends daughter. that was it.

i'm sorry if others were offended however we could not afford to feed 60 kids that we didn't know (2nd cousins etc...) so we opted to haev only 3. those guests who lived locally were excited to have a kid free night, some ooters couldn't make it because of the kids thing but you can't make everyone happy-and i certainly was not going to cut adult guests to allow for kids that i dont know to accompany their parents. sorry.

it worked fine. you will never make everyone happy-remember that.

OliveOilsMom · December 2012

Discuss with your FI what you would prefer. There are many ways you can approach this. You could invite in circles, for example: Nieces/nephews only, children of first cousins not invited, only children in the WP, or all children invited.

Watch out for age cut offs. If they are going to divide a family, it could cause that family to not attend or put you in an awkward position when they call and ask why Little Suzy was not invited, but Billy was.

Sitters at weddings can be hit or miss with parents. Some parents may not want their child left with a stranger. Even if it's someone who you know well that you hired for the evening.

Some people will be possibly upset with an adult only wedding. Some people will be happy they can have a fun date night out with their spouse. When addressing the envelopes, only put the people invited. Mr & Mrs John Smith, not the Smith family. If someone were to RSVP with Little Suzy, you will need to call and tell them you are sorry, but the invitation was only for Mr & Mrs Smith. If they try to say that they can't come without Little Suzy, just again, say you are sorry, but you cannot accomodate Little Suzy.

And lastly, if you have children in your WP, you must invite them to the reception too. They should not just be used as cute props for your wedding and sent to the other grandma for the evening.

I think that covers most of the children etiquette!

AddieCake · December 2012

It is a personal choice whether or not to invite children of any age to your wedding. Some people might be offended if they can't bring their kids and may choose not to attend. Occasionally people bring their children anyway, even if they are not invited. Many people might not be comfortable leaving their children with a stranger at a reception; others will be fine with it. You just have to weigh the options and decide whether or not an adults only event is what you and your fiance want.

mdupon70997 · December 2012

We're having adults only with the exception of our flower girls, ring bearer, and FH's niece who is a bridesmaid (but she's 16...so it's a little different). I'm sure some guests will not be able to come because of the kids situation. And some might even not want to come because we are allowing 4 children to be there, but their children can't come. Oh well. I honestly don't want to pay for about 40 of my guests' children to possible play with their expensive food and have a meltdown in the middle of my ceremony or reception. At our venue, all guests count as a head. And I'd rather pay for people who I really want to be there and will remember the day.

mdupon70997 · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_children-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:f6d11764-25b9-4307-9fd7-fef1407fede6Post:41623abf-8eb2-4d11-96b1-bac383df2620">Re: Children at wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Discuss with your FI what you would prefer. There are many ways you can approach this. You could invite in circles, for example: Nieces/nephews only, children of first cousins not invited, only children in the WP, or all children invited. <strong>Watch out for age cut offs. If they are going to divide a family, it could cause that family to not attend or put you in an awkward position when they call and ask why Little Suzy was not invited, but Billy was.</strong> Sitters at weddings can be hit or miss with parents. Some parents may not want their child left with a stranger. Even if it's someone who you know well that you hired for the evening. Some people will be possibly upset with an adult only wedding. Some people will be happy they can have a fun date night out with their spouse. When addressing the envelopes, only put the people invited. Mr & Mrs John Smith, not the Smith family. If someone were to RSVP with Little Suzy, you will need to call and tell them you are sorry, but the invitation was only for Mr & Mrs Smith. If they try to say that they can't come without Little Suzy, just again, say you are sorry, but you cannot accomodate Little Suzy. And lastly, if you have children in your WP, you must invite them to the reception too. They should not just be used as cute props for your wedding and sent to the other grandma for the evening. I think that covers most of the children etiquette!
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>We thought about doing this at first, and making the age limit 16 or older witht he exception of our WP. But then we realized so many of our family members have children from 18 years old to 10 years old. That would have been a tough one to explain.

</div>

MoxieMickie · December 2012

Don't be surprised if someone is offended that their special snowflake isn't invited. If you want to invite some kids but not all focus instead on thinking of some commonalities so you don't think go out individual children as not invited. Circles, ages, in vs out of town, wedding party, relationship, etcetera. In my personal experience kids aren't a problem at weddings it's the parent who think a wedding warrants McDonald'sappropriate behavior. I once went to a wedding where have the church had to put up with 2 kids climbing, talking , standing , and banging their feet on the pews. I even took a kneeler to the shin. The couple and their family were too engrossed to notice, but I wish the rest of us had been that fortunate.

Jen4948 · December 2012

It's up to you and your FI whom to invite to your wedding. If your ideas about your wedding are more "adult" in nature, such as choosing a venue, theme, music, drinks, etc. where it is less likely that kids can be accommodated or enjoy themselves, then I'd make it an adult wedding.

Etiquette holds that you don't announce "adults-only reception" on invitations, but limit the names listed on the envelopes to those actually invited. Unfortunately, many people are either unfamiliar with this rule or believe that they are not subject to it, and either ask to bring their children or even just show up with them. Whatever decision you make regarding whether or not to have kids, be prepared for that. It doesn't mean that you have to let children be at your wedding, but be prepared for parents who aren't willing to attend without their children to decline your invitation. You might choose to offer babysitting, but parents may not be willing to avail themselves of it.

ksblumb · December 2012

It could be just the dynamic of my family, but weddings are a time to celebrate with your family, even the kiddos. I can't imgaine having Cousin Kate, but not her 4 and 6 year old. It's a time to celebrate with your loved ones, a time to have fun with them in a joyous moment. I think kids only add to the fun, family atmosphere. I guess I get it if it is a REALLY formal event, no dancing, really nice plated meal, voices kept low, etc... but I've never been to a wedding like that.

Just be aware that if the children have to stay home, some of the adult guests may choose to as well.

HobokensFury · December 2012

We had an adults only wedding with the exception of the FG and RB. I personally think little kids running all over the dance floor ruin a wedding so I never considered inviting kids.

FWIW I love children. I have a 20 month old niece and a 2 week old nephew that I would do anything for and spoil to death but I don't believe weddings are any place for kids. Especially formal evening weddings like mine.

gmg75241 · December 2012

We had an adult only reception.Even my children went to a another room for the reception. My children and our neices and nephews were allowed at the ceremony but went somewhere else afterwards. Other children were not allowed and the invitation read as Adult Only Ceremony & Reception so people knew not to bring their children. We didnt have any problems and everyone still showed up.

I think its just a preference. If you want them there then its fine, and if not dont. I just didnt want alot of children running around and on the dance floor because the ones I have been to like that just seemed llike it had alot going on. Especially wilth adults drinking, I didnt want any of the children getting hurt by getting knocked down etc. It also saved me alot of money because a child's plate was the same cost of the adult plate.

QueenOfTheSea · December 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_children-at-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:f6d11764-25b9-4307-9fd7-fef1407fede6Post:976605b1-148d-432b-8847-0e4a814051b5">Re: Children at wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm of the opinion that weddings are family affairs, and kids are a part of the family. We had kids at our wedding and they caused zero problems. In my experience it is the adults that drink too much and get rowdy that you have to keep your eye on. I don't side eye people who don't want to include kids, unless they worry about crying babies (parents know to remove crying babies from wedding ceremonies) or kids stealing the attention from the bride and groom on the dance floor (you'll get plenty of attention, I promise). If you don't invite kids, people with kids who have to travel might stay home. Offering a sitter at the venue is nice, but not necessary. A lot of people here will say that parents might not want to leave their kids with a strange sitter, but I think if the sitter is at the venue, where the parents can check in on them, it is less of a concern.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree!</div><div>
</div><div>We are having a laid-back country themed reception at a small-town auditorium where we are having dessert and dance only, not a big meal. We are setting up a short table or two covered in white paper, with crayons and activity books for the kids. We have a lot of families with children coming and this will provide them with some activity during the toasts, cake cutting, first dance, etc. If they choose not to use this, or their parent's don't want them to, that's fine, no hard feelings, but we want to provide something for them in the even that they need something to occupy their little hands! This is just my opinion and what we are doing!</div><div>
</div><div>However, that being said, if you have having a very formal, sit down, black-tie, plated meal on fancy china at a high-end banquet hall costing a 10 grand, maybe having an adult-only wedding is the way to go! It really just depends on the kind of wedding you are having, the atmosphere you are trying to establish, and what you and your FI are comfortable with! Just realized that you aren't going to make everyone happy, some people think children should be allowed, some think that weddings are no place for children, but you have to make the decision and decide what you want! :)</div>

mweber74 · December 2012

I'm having an adult only reception EXCEPT for the 3 children in the wedding who are my nephews. Those are the only kids in the family and since it's a formal evening wedding I thought adult only was best.

OwningAHome1981 · December 2012

So pissed I lost the kids battle. Every time I go to a wedding with kids at it I want to rip my eyelids off b/c they are so ill-behaved.

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