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Issues with new best man?

I swore I would never spend my time on a site like this, but here goes...

I'm experiencing problems with the best man in my wedding. I asked my fianc to select this man after I had to remove the last one for suggesting strippers for the bachelor party gross!. Now this guy who I thought was dependable is saying he wants a suit instead of a tux. He is totally out of line. What do I do?
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Re: Issues with new best man?

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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issues-with-new-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2eb72c0-5b66-4567-97e2-4b89376420b9Post:53369dcc-7088-4918-85b8-ecfd54daa0e7">Issues with new best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I swore I would never spend my time on a site like this, but here goes... I'm experiencing problems with the best man in my wedding. I asked my fianc to select this man after I had to remove the last one for suggesting strippers for the bachelor party gross!. Now this guy who I thought was dependable is saying he wants a suit instead of a tux. He is totally out of line. What do I do?
    Posted by Chillchill28[/QUOTE]

    Is there a run on MUD recently?  
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    Your first problem was telling your FI who to have on his side. Is a tux out of the new BM's budget?  If it is, I would look into other options that he could wear instead. But honestly, just stay out of it.  This is for your FI to deal with and is not your problem. 
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    crash2729crash2729 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issues-with-new-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2eb72c0-5b66-4567-97e2-4b89376420b9Post:53369dcc-7088-4918-85b8-ecfd54daa0e7">Issues with new best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I swore I would never spend my time on a site like this, but here goes... I'm experiencing problems with the best man in my wedding. I asked my fianc to select this man after <strong>I had to remove the last one</strong> for suggesting strippers for the bachelor party gross!. Now this guy who I thought was dependable is saying he wants a suit instead of a tux. He is totally out of line. What do I do?
    Posted by Chillchill28[/QUOTE]
    Oy vey. <div>
    </div><div>Is there a reason he wants a suit over a tux (Money perhaps?) If it's just personal preference just tell him you prefer he wear a tux. "You have until X date to order"</div><div>
    </div><div>ETA: If it's a money issue you have two options: Pay for it yourself or pick something that he can afford. </div><div>
    </div>
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    Banana468, do you mean the Tough mudder run? I don't know what that has to do with my question, but it was fun!
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    Chill,
    Can I ask why you are removing your FI's best man?  I know he suggested strippers but many men often do.  It doesn't mean that there would have been strippers at the bachelor party, that would be for your FI to decide, and hopefully his friends would respect his decision.  I hope that you actually trust your FI.  Also why are you choosing the best man for your FI.  You choose YOUR part of the bridal party.  Is he choosing your MOH or your bridesmaids?   This guy doesn't sound as though he is demanding a suit, maybe just suggesting it.  You should let your FI deal with his friends.
    Visit The Nest!
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    Yes.   It has to do with Tough Mudder.   It's when the only solution is to make your WP dress up in the attire of your choosing but in turn they get to fling buckets of wet crap at you as you walk down the aisle.
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    Thanks, everyone, for confirming exactly how useless these so called "advice" boards are! Serves me right for trying to reach out!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issues-with-new-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2eb72c0-5b66-4567-97e2-4b89376420b9Post:2f619ddf-695e-4e7c-a252-bc377a834f2f">Re:Issues with new best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks, everyone, for confirming exactly how useless these so called "advice" boards are! Serves me right for trying to reach out!
    Posted by Chillchill28[/QUOTE]

    <div>Try reaching out to another best man.  The third try is usually the charm.</div>
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    Rsanna, I may have to try that, unfortunately :
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    Is your FI going to have any friends left by the time the wedding rolls around? You're doing a pretty good job of weeding through them.

    Your FI should be handling his side of the wedding party, not you.
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    And calling someone a troll isn't lame? You have issues.
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    I think you need to figure out WHY he wants a suit instead of a tux. Is the tux out of his budget? If it is you need to step up and pay the difference in price or let him wear what he can afford.

    FYI, strippers aren't gross. We are regular people just like you. A job is not the measure of a persons worth or personal habits. Most dancers are college students and single mothers. I've been a dancer for 8 years and can honestly say that I've met teachers, accountants, real estate agents, and many white collar professionals that are a heck of a lot more slutty than any "stripper" I've ever known. Plus many dancers go on to be nurses, doctors, lawyers, scientists, bankers, and people that you encounter everyday so don't be so judgemental. Someday you may be asking a former stripper to save your live, give you a loan, or to teach your kids.

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    Just FYI - a good troll starts slow and builds up. And does it on a week day so that they can get more responses. 
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    There is no way this is real.

    On the off chance it is, then you are the biggest bridezilla I think I've seen outside of the TV show.
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    HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously?  If you are indeed real, you sound like a horrible person for kicking your FI best man out, especially if strippers is your reasoning, as OOOOO how dare he! Because no decent man EVER does that! Get over it.  You probably should keep your mouth shut when it comes to your FI friends from now on or he'll probably decide that he doesn't want to marry a batshitcrazy control freak. 

    I'm not usually mean, and I usually stay out of this sort of thing on boards, but really, that is utterly ridiculous.
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    In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:[QUOTE]HAHAHAHAHA! Seriously?nbsp; If you are indeed real, you sound like a horrible person for kicking your FI best man out, especially if strippers is your reasoning, as OOOOO how dare he! Because no decent man EVER does that! Get over it.nbsp; You probably should keep your mouth shut when it comes to your FI friends from now on or he'll probably decide that he doesn't want to marry a batshitcrazy control freak.nbsp; I'm not usually mean, and I usually stay out of this sort of thing on boards, but really, that is utterly ridiculous. Posted by cbbgtownlovers[/QUOTE]

    You seem demented. Slow your roll.
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    In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?: You seem demented. Slow your roll.Posted by Chillchill28And someone replacing their FI's best man two or three times isn't?nbsp; Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    Arguably rude, if you don't know the whole story? Sure. Demented? Not really. But come on, that other post was awfully enthusiastic, dontcha think?
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    edited August 2012
    I really hope you aren't real. You had me from "I promised myself I''d never go on sites like this..." (gooooood, antagonize the regs by acting high and mighty). You don't replace your FI's BM, you don't even suggest it. That's his to deal with. Strippers? Oh me, oh my, how horrible! Even though FI and I agree we aren't a fan of strippers (I just want to throw my support up for PP who does strip, good for you, love that confidence, we just aren't into that), if his BM got him a stripper or took him to the strip club, I'd just shrug it off. You sound entitled and bratty. You consider him not wanting to go with a tux as "being out of line"? What the hell? Get yourself a reality check real fast.

    Oh, and FWIW, validating bad decisions does not count as "advice".
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    In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:[QUOTE]I think you need to figure out WHY he wants a suit instead of a tux. Is the tux out of his budget? If it is you need to step up and pay the difference in price or let him wear what he can afford.FYI, strippers aren't gross. We are regular people just like you. A job is not the measure of a persons worth or personal habits. Most dancers are college students and single mothers. I've been a dancer for 8 years and can honestly say that I've met teachers, accountants, real estate agents, and many white collar professionals that are a heck of a lot more slutty than any "stripper" I've ever known. Plus many dancers go on to be nurses, doctors, lawyers, scientists, bankers, and people that you encounter everyday so don't be so judgemental. Someday you may be asking a former stripper to save your live, give you a loan, or to teach your kids. Posted by leogirl13[/QUOTE]

    Fair enough. Poorly worded. Strippers are not gross, but I don't want some naked, or mostly naked, chick touching my future hubby. He doesn't want it happening to me, so I don't see the issue. Sorry if I offended, I'm sure you're a lovely girl.
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    Tune in next week for Chillchills next thread "issues with the groom?"

    I'm experiencing problems with the groom in my wedding. I had to remove him for suggesting the colour orange for the ties gross!. He is totally out of line. What do I do?
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    In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?: Arguably rude, if you don't know the whole story? Sure. Demented? Not really. But come on, that other post was awfully enthusiastic, dontcha think?Posted by Chillchill28Possibly. nbsp;However, you really should not be running around replacing your FI's people.ETA: nbsp;And even you think it's rude to replace people. nbsp;Unless you have a really good reason. Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    I get that, now. At the time it was like a thunderstorm of drama all centered around the best man. I feel like people wouldn't even believe me if I explained.
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    In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?: I get that, now. At the time it was like a thunderstorm of drama all centered around the best man. I feel like people wouldn't even believe me if I explained.Posted by Chillchill28Give it a shot. Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    He and my MOH had a one night stand after the engagement party, and she got pregnant. He's denying everything, even though everyone knows they hooked up. The stripper thing was him suggesting strippers, my fianc said no, we aren't comfortable with that, and he then referred to me as a cnt for not being okay with it, even though my fianc feels the same way.

    I don't know why, but everytime I type fianc and post, it leaves off the "e". I swear I'm typing it.
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    And as far as the new best man, budget was asked, and the tux rental is actually well under his budget. He just wants to wear a gray suit instead of a black tux, which is required by our venue. It is a black tie venue.
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    In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re:Issues with new best man?:And as far as the new best man, budget was asked, and the tux rental is actually well under his budget. He just wants to wear a gray suit instead of a black tux, which is required by our venue. It is a black tie venue.Posted by Chillchill28Okay so you do have a new best man. nbsp;I would just offer to cover the cost of the tux. nbsp;Problem solved. Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

    We did that, and he declined, saying he's a grown man and doesn't need charity. I realize now that removing and replacing any member of the wedding is a bad move, but I can't change it now, unfortunately.
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    Yes. He doesn't seem to understand/care/believe us.
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    Tell him the venue requires one. 
    Do you have a list of their rules? Give him a copy. Tell him he has until X date to get the tux. If he still refuses then he has taken himself out of the BM position. No blood on your hands.
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    They will refuse entrance, it's in the contract. Even If they didn't, he would obviously stand out. The suit he wants to buy is a medium-light gray. A huge difference. Also? We already have or programs with his name.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issues-with-new-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2eb72c0-5b66-4567-97e2-4b89376420b9Post:cf51324b-d074-4d3e-bbc4-e1d7ab186052">Re: Issues with new best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Issues with new best man? : <strong>I wouldn't worry about the programs. </strong> I like crash's suggestion of giving him a copy of the contract.
    Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]
    This. <div>Also, if you give him a copy, white out all the amts you are paying if you can't easily separate it from the rules. My venue had the contract, then a separate sheet stapled to it with their policies and procedures.</div>
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_issues-with-new-best-man?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:d2eb72c0-5b66-4567-97e2-4b89376420b9Post:5d4dd634-d848-4979-b7e8-4ae774a5f1a3">Re: Issues with new best man?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tune in next week for Chillchills next thread "issues with the groom?" I'm experiencing problems with the groom in my wedding. I had to remove him for suggesting the colour orange for the ties gross!. He is totally out of line. What do I do?
    Posted by annieoldfield[/QUOTE]

    This. Hilarious.

    Also, I love how calling someone out for being INCREDIBLY selfish and crazy gets me called "Demented".  Good one.  I was exuberant I admit.  I often get that way when I come across those who want their unwarranted insane behavior  legitimized by others.  Sorry, I will crazy mock you, as crazy seems to be the mode of communicatin that you understand.  I feel no shame. 
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