Bwhaha! Baby Chatter

JCWhitey · December 2011

Seriously, there is so much baby talk and baby dreams going on lately I'm starting to think I'm the only one in my life who does NOT want a baby right now, which is sooooo not me. 2 years ago I was DESPERATE to get pregnant with XH. I was going to doctors and having operations and taking a ton of pills. Now I'm just like "eh, I could live without kids for a while."

But last night FI had a dream that we were in China adopting a baby girl. He said we decided to adopt an older child so we wouldn't have to deal with diapers, but the six year old they gave us was still in diapers and I had to sew them because we couldn't find cloth diapers in her size. Raaaandom....

Then, my brother's best friend announced on FB that his wife is expecting baby #3 this summer. So I called my Mom to tell her since she goes to church with his parents and sees them around town frequently so she can congratulate them. We then got to talking about how this family already has 5 grand kids among their 3 kids and are now expecting 2 more (their son is my brothers age, their daughter is my age, and their other daughter is two years younger).

My Mom sighed and said 'When are you giving me more!?!?" She quickly said "Just kidding!" so I told her that if she wanted to send me $1,000 a month to help support a baby Cody and I would get right on it the wedding night. She laughed and said "No, no... well... maybe..."

REALLY people?! I FINALLY come to terms with the fact that I can't have kids right now (finanically) and everyone around me goes and gets baby fever. WTF!

cmac3504 · December 2011

I think it's really smart of you to review your finances before having kids. I've seen too many people not have enough $ to support themselves/ still in debt but yet they feel it's their right to have children. They have one, under financial stress, then want to have more right away. It's not fair to yourselves, your kids, or in some cases, tax payers, for people to not think through the finances and how having children WILL impact your spending & lifestyle! I don't mean to preach but that's just a tough pill for me to swallow. I'm sure you have a few years to spare to get yourself on a track that you're comfortable with before TTC!

Carykay · December 2011

Girl I don't have baby fever and I probably won't. I really do not want kids. But I think its good yall are waiting. Babies can be expensive..

kamarks08 · December 2011

I love kids, and eventually want some, but not now for the same reason. That's why I've steered clear of the other posts, I'm kind of annoyed with the same topic popping up 5 threads in a row. But yeah, I want to be ever more stable than we are now before we try to bring another human being into this world. So, as you say, I could live a bit longer without a kid. But I will be ecstatic when the time does come. So you're not alone.

femmepink · December 2011

I don't know, I see where you're coming from about the "baby talk", especially if you want to get your finances straight first.

However, my FI and I have been wanting babies and talking about them for a long time. We've had our finances in place for years and we've been ready, the only thing missing is the marriage. I knew I always wanted the big wedding, so POOF...here I am. This wedding is really just a precursor to what I believe is the actual important stuff in life...the family.

Yeah, I'm all in wedding mode now, but baby mode is slipping out at the same time. I'd say I'm 60/40. Obviously other girls are in the same boat. I think weddings and babies go hand-in-hand so that's why it keeps coming out on this board. Especially as we draw closer to our weddings.

lmlm · December 2011

Well my dream last night was more along the lines of just the wedding morning, but I will chime in on this topic just for the heck of it

Finances play a big role in how many kids we want but for sure we are having one. When God says "when" I would love to see a mini version of us together. Like femmepink said, marriage and babies do pretty much go hand-in-hand. My FI and I have talked about it from left to right and have come to the decision on our own-minus others an their input. One thing for sure, as much as you plan, plan and plan some more no one is ever 100% ready for anything, especially another human being. You will just grow and adjust together. Those exact words came from my own father. So now, I don't feel as bad for not having baby fever everyday. It's kind of hard to keep that wanting thought in your mind 24/7 without actually having a child that is there to stay.
Best wishes to all of you whether you have a large or small family. Sometimes 2 works for some

w+c3 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_bwhaha-baby-chatter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:05e2d7e4-9a24-4a67-9742-aa4ec5c0a07bPost:b120290e-aefd-418f-a7ff-de88fc695087">Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't know, I see where you're coming from about the "baby talk", especially if you want to get your finances straight first. However, my FI and I have been wanting babies and talking about them for a long time. We've had our finances in place for years and we've been ready, the only thing missing is the marriage. I knew I always wanted the big wedding, so POOF...here I am. This wedding is really just a precursor to what I believe is the actual important stuff in life...the family. Yeah, I'm all in wedding mode now, but baby mode is slipping out at the same time. I'd say I'm 60/40. Obviously other girls are in the same boat. I think weddings and babies go hand-in-hand so that's why it keeps coming out on this board. Especially as we draw closer to our weddings.
Posted by femmepink[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

I mean its cool that you don't want to have kids. Totally a personal decision. And its not right for some people. I think the worst thing for a child is to be born into a family that doesn't love kids. Plus I agree it drives me nuts when people who have kids when they can't afford them. Oh you can have two kids but you can't afford rent so you're living with your parents while your married? classy.

femmepink · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_bwhaha-baby-chatter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:05e2d7e4-9a24-4a67-9742-aa4ec5c0a07bPost:13aa5dd5-eb06-4f4d-aae2-fd8667b2cf6c">Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter : This exactly. I mean its cool that you don't want to have kids. Totally a personal decision. And its not right for some people. I think the worst thing for a child is to be born into a family that doesn't love kids. Plus I agree it drives me nuts when people who have kids when they can't afford them. Oh you can have two kids but you can't afford rent so you're living with your parents while your married? classy.
Posted by w+c3[/QUOTE]

Exactly!

femmepink · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_bwhaha-baby-chatter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:05e2d7e4-9a24-4a67-9742-aa4ec5c0a07bPost:22a291f7-e946-4922-9ec8-069d965570c1">Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter</a>:
[QUOTE]Well my dream last night was more along the lines of just the wedding morning, but I will chime in on this topic just for the heck of it :) Finances play a big role in how many kids we want but for sure we are having one. When God says "when" I would love to see a mini version of us together. Like femmepink said, marriage and babies do pretty much go hand-in-hand. My FI and I have talked about it from left to right and have come to the decision on our own-minus others an their input. One thing for sure, as much as you plan, plan and plan some more no one is ever 100% ready for anything, especially another human being. You will just grow and adjust together. Those exact words came from my own father. So now, I don't feel as bad for not having baby fever everyday. It's kind of hard to keep that wanting thought in your mind 24/7 without actually having a child that is there to stay. Best wishes to all of you whether you have a large or small family. Sometimes 2 works for some :)
Posted by lmlm[/QUOTE]

(it wouldn't let me bold the "2" for some reason)

Anyway, yeah I agree with this. Everyone has a different plan after the wedding because everyone has a different view, a different lifestyle...etc. My best friend just got married in November and decided she doesn't want kids...ever. Her and her husband are perfectly happy with this decision. All the power to them!

JCWhitey · December 2011

I both agree and disagree with all of you.

In 2006 I was doing very well for myself! That was the year I met my XH and he was also doing very well for himself. We were still doing very well for ourselves (though not quite as well as in 2006) and we were excited to start a family about 6 months after our wedding. We started to TTC because we were financially set and he was older (39 at the time) so we decided it was a good time in many regards.

Obviously, things can change very, very quickly. We both got laid off, I got another job but had a severe life-altering accident on the job and was unable to return, etc. Now I'm divorced, engaged again, working on getting my own business going, struggling financially, and VERY happy.

Seriously, there is NEVER a "perfect time" to get pregnant and have a child. I also know that if we were to get pregnant today we would be OK because I have a wonderful and supportive family (seriously, my Mom probably would send us $1,000 a month if we asked!) and I know that children can really motivate a person. But I want to wait because I really want FI to finish his schooling. He walks to get his degree in May and then he has a year and a half left to finish up what he wants to do and then we'll be good to go!

But on the flip side of that, I am older (28). This means I will be 30 when we try for having our first child. I have known fertility problems and I do not want to be trying for a year or two before turning to adoption. So we are both aware that we will likely start the adoption process at the same time we TTC and just go with what happens. So in many ways waiting is NOT ideal for us personally. It's a fine line and I had to choose what was more important to me and I chose my FI's education. Which I was able to do because I know he is comfortable and willing to adopt. If he wasn't.... well, I probably wouldn't be marrying him, honestly.

My cousin was 19 when his 18 year old wife found out she was pregnant... with twins! It was a huge shock and they both struggled with thoughts of the future, but now almost 8 years and 3 more kids later they are doing well for themselves. They made their situation work without any assistance from tax payers. Although her parents helped out a lot, everything they have is a direct result of their hard work. So I know even if we're dead broke and have a kid we'll be OK, but I worry FI will drop out of school and, like I said, I have decided that is our priority right now. So on my birth control I shall stay!

femmepink · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_bwhaha-baby-chatter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:05e2d7e4-9a24-4a67-9742-aa4ec5c0a07bPost:c40bd4be-aa6f-4c53-ac1a-9cbd402f3010">Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter</a>:
[QUOTE]I both agree and disagree with all of you. :) In 2006 I was doing very well for myself! That was the year I met my XH and he was also doing very well for himself. We were still doing very well for ourselves (though not quite as well as in 2006) and we were excited to start a family about 6 months after our wedding. We started to TTC because we were financially set and he was older (39 at the time) so we decided it was a good time in many regards. Obviously, things can change very, very quickly. We both got laid off, I got another job but had a severe life-altering accident on the job and was unable to return, etc. Now I'm divorced, engaged again, working on getting my own business going, struggling financially, and VERY happy. Seriously, there is NEVER a "perfect time" to get pregnant and have a child. I also know that if we were to get pregnant today we would be OK because I have a wonderful and supportive family (seriously, my Mom probably would send us $1,000 a month if we asked!) and I know that children can really motivate a person. But I want to wait because I really want FI to finish his schooling. He walks to get his degree in May and then he has a year and a half left to finish up what he wants to do and then we'll be good to go! But on the flip side of that, I am older (28). This means I will be 30 when we try for having our first child. I have known fertility problems and I do not want to be trying for a year or two before turning to adoption. So we are both aware that we will likely start the adoption process at the same time we TTC and just go with what happens. So in many ways waiting is NOT ideal for us personally. It's a fine line and I had to choose what was more important to me and I chose my FI's education. Which I was able to do because I know he is comfortable and willing to adopt. If he wasn't.... well, I probably wouldn't be marrying him, honestly. My cousin was 19 when his 18 year old wife found out she was pregnant... with twins! It was a huge shock and they both struggled with thoughts of the future, but now almost 8 years and 3 more kids later they are doing well for themselves. They made their situation work without any assistance from tax payers. Although her parents helped out a lot, everything they have is a direct result of their hard work. So I know even if we're dead broke and have a kid we'll be OK, but I worry FI will drop out of school and, like I said, I have decided that is our priority right now. So on my birth control I shall stay!
Posted by JCWhitey[/QUOTE]

Exactly. It's a decision made by a couple depending on their lifestyle, priorities, financial situation, etc. at the time.

I turn 28 next year, too. My clock is ticking. I think it's playing a big role in that "let's get on with this baby-making thing..." but at the same time I know we're ready in all of the other aspects of our lives. After the wedding, it's really up to my FI when exactly we will pull the goalie, lol, because I am ready as I'll ever be. We've been together for 6 years next year, and I don't think there will ever be another time we're more "ready".

That's why I feel wedding and babies go hand-in-hand for me.

cyparks · December 2011

I'd have to echo Brittany on this one. IMO there is definitely a perfect time, and FI and I have acknowledged and accepted that although we are not there now, we will be there in the next year. I grew up in a single parent household so my number one goal is to be able to provide for their needs and WANTS (think"Ooohhh, what a nice ____, let's buy it!") At this point, we can comfortably take care of one child..but my chances of having twins are SOOOO high, that we can't risk not being prepared for a double dose! This has effectively cancelled out my baby fever.

brittandjp · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_bwhaha-baby-chatter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:05e2d7e4-9a24-4a67-9742-aa4ec5c0a07bPost:c40bd4be-aa6f-4c53-ac1a-9cbd402f3010">Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter</a>:
[QUOTE]Seriously, there is NEVER a "perfect time" to get pregnant and have a child. 
Posted by JCWhitey[/QUOTE]

I 100% disagree with this. I think, for some, there is a perfect time. If you're stable emotionally and physically in your relationship, you're financially prepared, you're not in debt, you have a good home and a stable job, and are willing to love someone more than you do yourself and your partner, then I think that can be the perfect time. That will be my perfect time. For some, this may not be good enough. It completely varies from person to person, but to say that there isn't a perfect time for any couple, ever, is not true IMO.

That being said, I have an aunt that I despise with an EXTREME passion. Literally, there aren't words to describe my distaste for her. However, the reason I have such feelings about stability and children is because of what I witnessed firsthand with her. She had her first baby at 18 with a lmoney oaded daddy's boy that did an unreasonable amount of coke. That lasted a couple years then she had a one night stand with some rando and had another child. Super classy. A couple years later she met a man, married him, and had another baby. They were divorced less than 2 years later. She now has 3 children, all from different fathers and under the age of 14. When I moved away to college, my mom literally got custody and took care of her 3 children. My mom was not prepared to do this, she was paying for 100% of my education and my brother's mission expenses being a single mother at the time. She was done raising her children, yet she took on my aunt's children because she loved them and my aunt was a POS and couldn't take care of them. My mom did this for a few years until C got back on her feet (although she's still not in a great place to this day). It literally killed my mom inside for a while. She wasn't the same person during that time. I feel like she aged during those years. It was really, really hard for me to see. Yet, today she's still the most humble and compassionate person. So, I cannot STAND those that have children and cannot take care of them. This is why I hate those teenage pregnancy shows. My aunt, just like those idiots in the shows, are not ready for children and should not have been given such a wonderful blessing. I would never do this to my future children. I also see similar situations with teaching; it's so unfortunate that children have to have miserable lives because they have incompetent and awful parents.

JP and I are ready for children. I'll be 27 and he'll be 30 a few months after the wedding. We will have been together for over 4 1/2 years when we get married. We're going to start TTC in the summer, which will put us at 5 years together. We have stable jobs, a home we own, and we are financially prepared. Now, I'd LOVE to stay home full time, but if we tried that, things would be tight. It's definitely a doable possibility, but with nice/new cars, mortgage, all of our others bills, and a baby, it's probably not preferable. So, I'll be working probably at least part time, unless things change. I'm okay with that. Kids are an important part of our lives in the near future. I don't want to wait until I'm 40 threatening my ability to conceive in the hopes that I'll someday be able to be a full time stay at home mommy. That doesn't mean timing is off though. Timing for us will be perfect, unless things change for the worse, although I cannot see that happening since we're so stable in every aspect of our life.

WOW. Congrats to whoever makes it through this post! lol

w+c3 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_march-2012-weddings_bwhaha-baby-chatter?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:955e4823-0be1-44ef-9ee7-99a63794e103Discussion:05e2d7e4-9a24-4a67-9742-aa4ec5c0a07bPost:a46a755c-833f-41c2-8b93-49db7d0e114d">Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bwhaha! Baby Chatter : WOW. Congrats to whoever makes it through this post! lol
Posted by brittandjp[/QUOTE]

I did :P

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