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RANT! Crappy mother-in-law

Let me start out by saying, my MIL is a POS. I've learned that she dropped my husband off as a baby at his father's house because she "didn't want him." And she remarried 3 times after his father and didn't invite my husband to any of the weddings when he lived in the SAME TOWN.

So we've had a vow renewal ceremony planned for this summer since we never had a big to-do and our families weren't able to attend our court-house wedding. My husband calls his mom last night to make sure she's coming and to give her hotel information. She informs him that she will not attend our wedding. Why? "Because I'm already going on vacation and I'm not coming up for just a wedding." That's what she freakin told him! I couldn't believe it. My husband has been trying to be nice to her for years, but last night, he got so upset. I seriously want to call her up and give her a piece of my mind, but I know that would just make things worse. HER MOTHER is coming up to our ceremony! A 75 year old woman is driving 9 hours to come to it. GRR I'm so mad!

Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law

  • Cynthia1207Cynthia1207 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    I don't want to offend you but she's a grown woman and it is her choice.  She's proven to not be the best mom in the world so I don't see why this would surprise you.  Obviously it's disappointing that she can't change for one day but did you really expect her to?

    Have a good time at your vow renewal and remember that she's the one missing out, not you.

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  • edited December 2011
    I personally, could care less if she's there. She's tried to start fights between my husband and I on several occasions. But I just feel bad that he's so upset about it. His step-mother will be there and his father will be. His step-mother practically raised him and she's helped us so much and she is 9 hours away from us. I personally would rather his real mother NOT be there, but because I don't want drama to start.
  • edited December 2011
    She clearly doesn't feel about weddings the same way you do.  She didn't invite her son to hers, and she's not coming to yours.  Oh well.  I get him wanting her there, but some people just don't care about weddings that much.  It happens.

    Plus, you're not having a wedding.  You're having a vow renewal, and there IS a difference and there are people even less inclined to go to a vow renewal than a wedding.

    And I went years without speaking to my mother, but I would NEVER call her a POS.
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law:
    She clearly doesn't feel about weddings the same way you do.  She didn't invite her son to hers, and she's not coming to yours.  Oh well.  I get him wanting her there, but some people just don't care about weddings that much.  It happens. Plus, you're not having a wedding.  You're having a vow renewal, and there IS a difference and there are people even less inclined to go to a vow renewal than a wedding. And I went years without speaking to my mother, but I would NEVER call her a POS.
    Posted by hlq2011
    All of this, but the bold especially.
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to RANT! Crappy mother-in-law:
    Let me start out by saying, my MIL is a POS. I've learned that she dropped my husband off as a baby at his father's house because she "didn't want him." And she remarried 3 times after his father and didn't invite my husband to any of the weddings when he lived in the SAME TOWN. So we've had a vow renewal ceremony planned for this summer since we never had a big to-do and our families weren't able to attend our court-house wedding. My husband calls his mom last night to make sure she's coming and to give her hotel information. She informs him that she will not attend our wedding. Why? "Because I'm already going on vacation and I'm not coming up for just a wedding ." That's what she freakin told him! I couldn't believe it. My husband has been trying to be nice to her for years, but last night, he got so upset. I seriously want to call her up and give her a piece of my mind, but I know that would just make things worse. HER MOTHER is coming up to our ceremony! A 75 year old woman is driving 9 hours to come to it. GRR I'm so mad!
    Posted by iluvmy0341
    Your husband needs therapy to find out why he keeps going back for more and also to realize that it's okay to cut poisonous people out of his life, even if they do share DNA with him.

    Sounds like she's behaving the way she always has. 

  • edited December 2011
    My FIL did not come to our wedding.  Was H hurt? Yes.  Did we still have a great day?  Yes. 

    Get your vent out, and then move on.  It is probably time to stop trying to have a relationship with her, since it sounds like she doesn't really want a good one with either of you. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Let go of this. Your husband is already disappointed enough about his mom not going to the vow renewal. Your displeasure will only make him feel worse. Try to understand that the woman is not good at being a mom and you're not going to change her.

    I think it's wonderful that your husbands grandmother, father and stepmother are planning to attend your vow renewal. That's a pretty good turn out, considering it's a vow renewal, rather than the actual wedding ceremony. Enjoy the people who want to celebrate with you and forget about the other one.

    Good luck.


                
  • edited December 2011
    I would cut her out completely and not make any more attempts to include her in anything.  That means not inviting her to hurt you by inviting her to anything, or notifiy her of anything major going  on in your life. 

    My FI and his mother talk about once every two months, and he sees her about once every five years or so.  I have met her once.  He is close to his father, brother and maternal grandparents.  We are all taking bets on if she shows up to our wedding in October!  We just laugh it off, because it is her loss, not ours.  

    I know it is hard b/c you love your FI and you don't want to see him hurt.  My father had a terrible relationship with his parents who were extremely abusive to him when he was a kid. IDK why he even wanted to talk to them, let alone have a relationship.  Even as an adult they were cruel to him and my sisters and I.  It broke my heart even as a kid to watch him try and fail over and over to get something, some show of love, from his parents.  

    Cut out the bad parts of your life and move on!  Don't let her spoil any part of your lives together.

    Good luck! 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Davesgrl - Don't you think it should be up to her fi to decide whether or not he wants to cut his mother out of his life?
                
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law:
    Let go of this. Your husband is already disappointed enough about his mom not going to the vow renewal. Your displeasure will only make him feel worse. Try to understand that the woman is not good at being a mom and you're not going to change her. I think it's wonderful that your husbands grandmother, father and stepmother are planning to attend your vow renewal. That's a pretty good turn out, considering it's a vow renewal, rather than the actual wedding ceremony. Enjoy the people who want to celebrate with you and forget about the other one. Good luck.
    Posted by MairePoppy
    This!
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • mia082683mia082683 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law:
    What....a.....bitch.  I am SO sorry this is happening to you. Yeah.....give as much comfort to your husband as you can.  Tell him DNA isn't a license for her to abuse him. Ditch the bitch.
    Posted by RetreadBride
    Exactly.  Bitch away on here.  It's obviously something you can't vent to your husband about as he'd be probably upset.  Guys always have that sick attachment to their mothers, even when their mothers do suck (and sometimes they are a POS).  Vent, breathe, and remember, on that day - he'll get past being upset and appreciate the day he's sharing with you.
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  • edited December 2011

    MairePoppy- I do think it is up to the FI to cut her out of his life when he is ready.  What I meant was that she shouldn't make any more effort.  Let the FI do what he has to do.  And it sounds like the FI might be ready to let go.....  


    By the way, I am sure if I looked I could find it, but what does POS mean?  It is probably pretty obvious but I've been up since 5AM watching the royal wedding lol!

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  • mia082683mia082683 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    POS = Piece of Sh*t
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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks! Laughing
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law:
    In Response to Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law : Exactly.  Bitch away on here.  It's obviously something you can't vent to your husband about as he'd be probably upset.  Guys always have that sick attachment to their mothers, even when their mothers do suck (and sometimes they are a POS).  Vent, breathe, and remember, on that day - he'll get past being upset and appreciate the day he's sharing with you.
    Posted by mia082683
    I'm guessing you're marrying a momma's boy? Well, I didn't marry a momma's boy, and many other ladies here also didn't, please don't lump all men into the same category as yours.

  • mia082683mia082683 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law:
    In Response to Re: RANT! Crappy mother-in-law : I'm guessing you're marrying a momma's boy? Well, I didn't marry a momma's boy, and many other ladies here also didn't, please don't lump all men into the same category as yours.
    Posted by zitiqueen
    My FMIL is great, and FI and his relationship is pretty normal. I wouldn't call him a Momma's Boy at all.  If I didn't make him, he probablywouldn't call his mother ever...  But all of you should be able to notice that quite often, men are Momma's Boys just as there are quite a few Daddy's Girls.  I'm not lumping anyone, just trying to make someone feel better.  Quite honestly, it's a fact that men (and people in general) who are abandoned by a parent when they're young later suffer an uncontrollable need to appease that person and win over their affections. 
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