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Guest Invitation Question

AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hi All,

Up until recently FI and I have been super lucky, not having anyone in our family trying to push us into inviting guests we weren't considering.

I am sending out our invitations shortly, and the other day my Dad asked me if I would be inviting our old neighborhood friends of our family. We shall call them Mr. L Mrs. L and Daughter of Mr. L, Daughter 2, and Daughter 3.

We used to spend almost every weekend together as families, before my parents and their parents got divorced. I still hang out with daughter 2 sometimes, but that's the only one I still see.

My Dad is asking me to invite Mr.L (who he keeps in touch with), the Mr.L's Girlfriend (who I've never met because our families stopped seeing eachother often after the divorces), and Daughter 2 and 3. It gets sticky because I still keep in touch with the Ex-Mrs. L, and Daughter of Mr.L.

My Dad doesn't see a problem with inviting only those he has kept in touch with, but I feel awkward including some, and not others. I don't have a problem with any of the people in question though.

My Dad is paying for the open bar, and so I think he gets a say in this, but my question is, is this against proper etiquette, and what would you do in this situation?

Sorry if this has confused anyone.
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Re: Guest Invitation Question

  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    I think you'd be okay not inviting the ex wife but you should invite the daughter of Mr. L if you are going to invite daughters 2 &3. Also, you should include the SOs for all if they are in relationships.
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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    It is only Mr.L who is in a relationship, so I'd be sure to invite her if we decide to invite the group.
    I think my Dad was trying not to inconvienience us too much by not adding Mr.L's Daughter too...I'm not sure why else he wouldn't include her...
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    image 70 Are ready to party!
    image 10 Will be missing out!
    image 15 Are MIA!
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  • crash2729crash2729 member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    It seems odd to leave her out. Besides it's only 1 (or 2) more people.
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:065e0fa6-50ba-4070-a4db-c794f5afbbdf">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]It is only Mr.L who is in a relationship, so I'd be sure to invite her if we decide to invite the group. I think my Dad was trying not to inconvienience us too much by not adding<strong> Mr.L's Daughter</strong> too...I'm not sure why else he wouldn't include her...
    Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

    <div>Is this the one you keep in touch with, or no? I'm a little confused.</div>
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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    Sorry, I know this is confusing.
    I keep in touch with Daughter 2 and hang out with her a few times a year. The rest I never see, and I only speak to the ex Mrs.L and Mr.L's Daughter over Facebook....which is why I am picturing the ex-Mrs.L and Mr.L's daughter seeing pics of the wedding, and being hurt they weren't invited when I still speak with them sometimes.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
    image 70 Are ready to party!
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    image 15 Are MIA!
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:c889563c-a6b4-42b0-b6e2-3c37480a4bd8">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry, I know this is confusing. I keep in touch with Daughter 2 and hang out with her a few times a year. The rest I never see, and I only speak to the ex Mrs.L and Mr.L's Daughter over Facebook....which is why I am picturing the ex-Mrs.L and Mr.L's daughter seeing pics of the wedding, and being hurt they weren't invited when I still speak with them sometimes.
    Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

    <div>How do you feel about inviting them all? Would it break the bank?</div>
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  • afeliz79afeliz79 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    I'm confused. But, I would invite the people your dad wants you to invite (and SOs) and the people that you still keep in touch with (and their SOs).
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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    My FI and I never planned on inviting any of them really. Our invite list is at 84 people, and we were hoping to keep it that way. We had made cuts in such a way where it seemed no one would be surprised or upset they weren't invited.

    I would have to say inviting all 8 of them is out of the question right now (aka the whole family), so I understand my Dad was just trying to make it manageable (he want's his friend Mr.L there, and I understand that) It's just where do I draw the line?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:cc6471be-c08c-4c8a-a589-fb4586a029b9">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI and I never planned on inviting any of them really. Our invite list is at 84 people, and we were hoping to keep it that way. We had made cuts in such a way where it seemed no one would be surprised or upset they weren't invited. I would have to say inviting all 8 of them is out of the question right now (aka the whole family), so I understand my Dad was just trying to make it manageable (he want's his friend Mr.L there, and I understand that) It's just where do I draw the line?
    Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

    <div>Could you just invite Mr.L and SO? </div>
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'd say "sorry dad, the guest list is set".   If you think it's really important to him that Mr L come then just invite Mr L and his GF since that's who your dad really wants there.  No reason to invite all the kids if they weren't on your guest list in the first place, even if you were sorta friends years ago.

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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:e00131f3-013a-4264-bcc9-f965bc473438">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Invitation Question : Could you just invite Mr.L and SO? 
    Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

    I could. I am just conflicted when it comes to inviting someone who I am not close with, over people in the same family who I am close with (aka the daughters).
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
    image 70 Are ready to party!
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:11136521-db69-47ca-8e20-1104581c1bf2">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Invitation Question : I could. I am just conflicted when it comes to inviting someone who I am not close with, over people in the same family who I am close with (aka the daughters).
    Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

    <div>If it's going to be a big problem, just tell him you would then have to invite daughters 1 2 3 and you don't have the space. </div>
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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:d1f3d28c-e5ba-4f8b-8a3f-4cdf9ec47770">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Invitation Question : If it's going to be a big problem, just tell him you would then have to invite daughters 1 2 3 and you don't have the space. 
    Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

    Fair enough. Thank you for the advice. I swear I'm not trying to be difficult, haha. I just wondered if there was a proper way to deal with this situation, and if there was a way that would be offensive/ poor etiquette.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
    image 70 Are ready to party!
    image 10 Will be missing out!
    image 15 Are MIA!
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  • Megbo2012Megbo2012
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:dc2fc314-6fc7-4bf6-8fce-94fb4ebb4417">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Invitation Question : Fair enough. Thank you for the advice. I swear I'm not trying to be difficult, haha. I just wondered if there was a proper way to deal with this situation, and if there was a way that would be offensive/ poor etiquette.
    Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

    <div>I wasn't trying to be snarky but it seemed like you weren't fully satisfied with any of the other options. I hope you can figure it out :)</div>
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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:f7a91977-a406-4e47-9c01-03eed81e110a">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Invitation Question : I wasn't trying to be snarky but it seemed like you weren't fully satisfied with any of the other options. I hope you can figure it out :)
    Posted by Megbo2012[/QUOTE]

    I didn't think you were at all. You've been very helpful.
    I just don't know what I want to do yet....I was hoping for a simple solution, and I dont want to make the situation seem dramatic.
    I'll just have to give it some more thought.
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    image 70 Are ready to party!
    image 10 Will be missing out!
    image 15 Are MIA!
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-invitation-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:f2d4dd1c-7438-4ffb-b518-842a9bfac768Post:11136521-db69-47ca-8e20-1104581c1bf2">Re: Guest Invitation Question</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Guest Invitation Question : I could. I am just conflicted when it comes to inviting someone who I am not close with, over people in the same family who I am close with (aka the daughters).
    Posted by AEPerpete[/QUOTE]

    Try not to think of them as a unit (since, as adults, they're not).  Your dad has asked you to invite his friend.  Are you willing to invite this friend when maybe you have other friends you'd personally rather invite?  If the answer is no then tell your dad that.  If the answer is yes than invite Mr. L and his GF - they are your father's friends, NOT your old friends' father.  KWIM?

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  • AEPerpeteAEPerpete member
    100 Comments
    I know what you mean for sure.
    I think I will talk to my Dad again today about it, and see how set on inviting Mr.L he is, and then speak to my FI and see if we can add any more than 2.
     If my Dad says it's important to him, I'll do it, but maybe FI will say I should also invite Daughters 1 2 3 (as in maybe we can agree we have it in the budget), or maybe not and it'll just be Mr.L and GF.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker image 95 Invited
    image 70 Are ready to party!
    image 10 Will be missing out!
    image 15 Are MIA!
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