Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Etiquette Forum
Wedding Etiquette Forum
New Discussion

On-again, off-again couple and invites

TheShelleyTheShelley member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So, I really had hoped this "situation" would have resolved itself before we needed to decide on invites.  We have these friends who have been on-again then off-again for over 2 years.  They are off-again at the moment (they say permanently, but I'll believe it later).  I was sort of hoping that they would be on-again when it was time for invites.  I really don't want to decide between these two people.  I'm closer to her, but FI is closer to him and we both like them both.

They are getting along ok at the moment, but 6-8 weeks before the wedding is a long time for these two, and who knows where they will be by then.  I'm inclined to invite them both, but let each know that both are invited.  Is there any problem with doing that?  I'm also a little afraid to invite them both because they can be (and they aren't always) drama-central.  So I could also see just inviting one so there is no confrontation or drama, I'd rather have one than neither.

I don't know what to do, what would you do? Thanks.
Report Reply to Post

Re: On-again, off-again couple and invites

  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment

    If they're both good friends, i'd invite them both and let their romantic entanglements be their problem.

    Report Reply
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_on-again-off-again-couple-and-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff40174d-04d7-493e-9812-25dcca1ae0f3Post:b7ff786d-ff2b-4a15-b8bc-630a894224d0">Re: On-again, off-again couple and invites</a>:
    [QUOTE]If they're both good friends, i'd invite them both and let their romantic entanglements be their problem.
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    I third this. If they're adults they should be able to handle it. If they are off at the moment, just don't seat them together. They can avoid each other and be civil for a night.
    Report Reply
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_on-again-off-again-couple-and-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff40174d-04d7-493e-9812-25dcca1ae0f3Post:b7ff786d-ff2b-4a15-b8bc-630a894224d0">Re: On-again, off-again couple and invites</a>:
    [QUOTE]If they're both good friends, i'd invite them both and let their romantic entanglements be their problem.
    Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

    I third this!

    Report Reply
  • TheShelleyTheShelley member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Inviting them both is what I want to do.  But I guess I worried that if I invite them both I invite the drama too.

    Would you let them both know that the other is invited, then?
    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Yes, invite them both. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • daveANDkristendaveANDkristen member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker 5 Love Its First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_on-again-off-again-couple-and-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff40174d-04d7-493e-9812-25dcca1ae0f3Post:0898acab-7aa4-46c7-a8d0-3797223f632e">Re: On-again, off-again couple and invites</a>:
    [QUOTE]Inviting them both is what I want to do.  But I guess I worried that if I invite them both I invite the drama too. Would you let them both know that the other is invited, then?
    Posted by TheShelley[/QUOTE]

    If one asks if the other is invited, let them know.  I probably wouldn't go out of my way to tell them though, if they don't ask.  Wouldn't they assume they are both invited, since they are both friends of yours?
    image
    Daisypath Anniversary tickersFollow Me on Pinterest
    Report Reply
  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I would just go by whatever their status is on the day you send invitations. Nobody could argue with that.

    If they are together, send them an invite together. On-again, off-agains always think they are back together for good, so if you send them separately, they might get insulted.

    If they are apart, send them separate invites. If you get any complaints, remind them of their status at the time you send the invites.
    Report Reply
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_on-again-off-again-couple-and-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff40174d-04d7-493e-9812-25dcca1ae0f3Post:8751ecee-3a61-463e-bb09-bbe82cb4541c">Re: On-again, off-again couple and invites</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would just go by whatever their status is on the day you send invitations. Nobody could argue with that. If they are together, send them an invite together. On-again, off-agains always think they are back together for good, so if you send them separately, they might get insulted. If they are apart, send them separate invites. If you get any complaints, remind them of their status at the time you send the invites.
    Posted by AndreaJulia[/QUOTE]

    I ditto this advice.  They can't and shouldn't expect you to foresee that between the time you send the invitations and the time of the wedding that they will or won't be together anymore.  Don't make it your problem.
    Report Reply
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_on-again-off-again-couple-and-invites?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:ff40174d-04d7-493e-9812-25dcca1ae0f3Post:2e8ce16e-e11a-49da-9db2-1861013c42cc">Re: On-again, off-again couple and invites</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: On-again, off-again couple and invites : If one asks if the other is invited, let them know.  I probably wouldn't go out of my way to tell them though, if they don't ask.  Wouldn't they assume they are both invited, since they are both friends of yours?
    Posted by daveANDkristen[/QUOTE]
    This is what I was thinking. If they are both your friends, invite them both. And if they are both you're friends, then wouldn't they assume the other was invited? Would one of them actually think you would choose them over the other one? That's awful if they think you guys are going to pick sides or something.

    Don't worry about "inviting drama." Just sit them at seperate tables and if they start fighting it out in the middle of the dance floor, pull up a chair, pour another glass of champagne and wait for security or someone at the venue to escort them out.
    image
    Report Reply
  • itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    We had one of these couples, too. Since they were broken up at the time of invitations, we invited both at their own address (and let them know they could each bring a plus one as they see fit).

    He elected to not attend because he didn't want to see her with another date.

    Problem solved.
    Report Reply
  • WalkersFurMamaWalkersFurMama member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    We had this problem with a married couple we are friends with. I say HAD because they were separated but their divorce was final last weekend, so things became a little more clear. FH went to HS with him, but we are really as close to them as we are because she and I hit it off so well (and eventually became closer than the boys). We've decided to invite them both and let them worry about dealing with each other. 
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards