Digital Lipstick on the Collar

txmom21 · December 2009

"Would you know if your DH/FI were cheating and would you leave if you found out? Why or why not?"

I knew, and it took me 6 years to have the strength to end the marriage. ExH had numerous affairs during that time, and I knew the whole time that he was cheating. I didn't leave because I was devasted and kept hoping he would stop. Denial is a powerful thing; I confronted him many times, and every time he was able to convince me that I was wrong. Even when we had our final confrontation, if he had been willing to work on our marriage, I would have stayed.

Just some perspective from someone who's been there.

crfische · December 2009

I guarantee you that just about every woman who has been cheated on would have said that they would KNOW.

They didn't.

JK10910 · December 2009

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_digital-lipstick-collar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f325cfbc-f2e0-4f43-910a-d1460880e4b2Post:6d8d559f-eae5-42b8-ae45-458b7fe6d60f">Re: Digital Lipstick on the Collar</a>:
[QUOTE]I guarantee you that just about every woman who has been cheated on would have said that they would KNOW. They didn't.
Posted by crfische[/QUOTE]

Amen. Or said they would leave, without a doubt. And there was doubt.

wadingmoose · December 2009

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know.

It would devastate me, but I'm not sure I'd be able to leave. I like to think I would though.

Backpackers · December 2009

[QUOTE]I think if FI made a horrible one time mistake and confessed to me, we could work through it. If he did it all the time with random women, or created another relationship/second life with someone else.... I wouldn't be able to.
Posted by ButtonsPepper[/QUOTE]

This is how I feel. The latter happened to me once (relationship/second life) and I was gone without a second thought. If he had said it was a one time thing, I may have stayed. But I definitely agree with those who say every situation is different and you never know how you'll react until you're there. Hopefully none of us have to deal with that, of course.

I'm not sure if I would know with FI. We go out with friends without each other once in a while. I guess if he wanted to go out alone a lot more often I would be a little worried. I knew with the ex and busted him myself. But he was a totally different person than FI.

thesuninherhead · December 2009

I adore my H immensely. I could not stay if he cheated, though. Even if I decided that I did want to work on our relationship, I would still move out. I value myself and our relationship enough that I could not simply let something like that go without us working through it while having time apart- even if it was very difficult for me.

That said, if he did cheat, he would be very far removed from the person I fell in love with and married.

Digital Lipstick on the Collar

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