Pennsylvania-Philadelphia

Instead of a bridal shower...

Okay so my Fiance and I already live together, everything in our house is new and we bought ourselves and we dont really need anything.So we were thinking instead of the usual "Bridal shower" we were thinking of having an engagement party, guys and girls and just ask people to put money on our honeymoon (through AAA).  Is that to much to ask for? I thought it'd be better then getting gifts that we dont want or need. We told my fiances sister about it and she said we cant do that because it is rude. Im just curious what u girls though of it

Re: Instead of a bridal shower...

  • edited December 2011
    I find any method of asking for money to be rude. A shower is for gifts, if you don't want gifts, don't have a shower. And if you don't want gifts for the wedding either, don't register.
  • edited December 2011
    Forgot to say that if you don't register many people will likely understand you don't want housewares and just write a check.
  • nancyrnancyr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    not sure where you are planning to go on your honeymoon but how about having a travel shower for things like luggage, honeymoon stuff, maybe gift certs for restaurants where you're going etc?  Either that or register at Bed Bath and Beyond, I know they used to let you return things for cash, still kind of tacky but up to you how you handle it. 
  • byoung0520byoung0520 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    As PP stated, you should never ask for a gift or money from guests.  So, the question would be how do you get what you want across without being rude.  I've heard of a lot of people having jack and jills...the ones where you have to purchase a raffle ticket.  I think when they do it that way, the money earned from the raffle ticket can go towards honeymoon or for the wedding or something.  Not really sure how that works but I have heard of that.  Also, the only other thing I can really think of is make a webbing website and have a link where you're able to add money to a honeymoon fund or something of that sort.  I know before DH and I got married in October that I thought I'd open up a sort of registry for Aruba(I decided not to do that in the end but it's an idea also)so that guest's could contribute to our honeymoon fund in lieu of a normal bridal registry at Bed Bath and Beyond or wherever else.  But, I would never state we want money over gifts, or vice versa...

    Good Luck!
  • edited December 2011
    Asking for money is rude.  If someone wants to give you money they will, there is no reason to register for a HM and have money  taken out for fees.  

    Jack and Jills are also rude and I have never heard of them being done in this area so I don't think it would go over well.  Don't do it.

    Can't you upgrade things in your house?  Nicer sheets, towels, is there something you have been lusting over a KA mixer, a dyson?  Otherwise I agree if you don't need household gifts don't have a shower.

    I would have a small registery as some people don't give cash and will give you random crap.  

     
  • Stacylynn702Stacylynn702 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There must be some things you would like for your house.  We lived together 5 years before the wedding.  We had everything but I like it so much better now having new things.  Even if it's items for your bathroom to put away to use when your current bathroom set is worn or gets boring to you. You can never have too many towels or linens.  Even table cloths for different seasons.  We also registered for upgrades of our previous products.  They were what we originally wanted but couldn't afford on our own.  I'd take a walk around Bed Bath and Beyond if I were you and just see what they have to offer.

    There are tons of things to register for that you probably never thought of.  Just don't ask for money.  I agree with pp, if you don't want gifts, don't have a shower.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with all of the above.  These have been many posts like this over the years, and I am always stymied by them.

    First, consider difference between a bridal shower and the engagement party you are thinking of having.  Traditionally, the bridal shower is thrown by friends and family of the bride as a way of getting she and her busband off to a good start on their lives together.  The bride does not throw the shower for herself, and guests buy gifts because the pople throwing the party say that the bride is deserving of them - the bride herself isn't saying "BUY ME PRESENTS!"  You make a registry so people know what you like.  Throwing your own engagement party and asking people to give you cash is going to look greedy, even if you don't follow it up with a traditional bridal shower.  I have known one couple who threw their own engagement party and I didn't go.  (That said, DH and I had an engagement party, and I've had other friends who had them...but they were ALWAYS hosted by someone other than the couple and were often a surprise for the couple.)

    Additionally, I just don't get how a young couple can be wanting for absolutely nothing.  DH and I lived together for a number of years as well before our wedding and getting married was finally a time when we could get rid of all the hand-me down stuff we took away with us to college and the cheap stuff we bought as a necessity for our first apartment.  I certainly don't mean to insult anyone, but I am amazed at the ease with which some of the people on this bard must have lived when they first moved in together with their fiancees or something...none of what we had at first was new, and what was new wasn't of very good quality, but was what we could afford at the time, since we were just starting out. I appreciated being able to upgrade and get things I would have never bough for myself. You could even make a small registry and put gift cards on there - we bought our first home just before our first anniversary and gift cards would have been awesome at that time in terms of buying curtains, paint, blinds, rugs, new furniture, etc....

    Asking straight-up for money definitely will come across as rude, and there will always be people who still want to buy you something to open, which means that if you register for nothing you will like get crap you would neither want nor use.  If you truly are wanting for abolsutely nothing in life except for other people to pay for your honeymoon, I would still make a small registry for some stuff at Bed Bath and Beyond or Macys and then ask a bridesmaid to include the honeymoon registry information along with it in your shower invitation. 

    In short: don't do it.
  • edited December 2011
    Go around your house - make a list of things you need/want, register for them.  When people look at your list, if it's small and a lot of things are taken, maybe they will give you cash or a GC?   Regardless. .. find something to register for or just don't have a shower to begin with.
  • edited December 2011
    Having a shower is not really up to you,  people will throw you a shower regardless of what you say.  I have lived with my FI for about 3.5 years and I found tons of things to put on my registry. Just upgrade all of the things you want to upgrade. Put things on there that you wouldn't think to buy for yourself.  
  • Stacylynn702Stacylynn702 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I already responded but I want to add...this is the best opportunity you'll have for a wish list.  Anything you want, put it on there.  Things you can't afford or things you wouldn't dare splurge on.  This is your chance.
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  • edited December 2011
    I was thinking of just having a small list like sheets,towels...basically little things that get worn out. From bed,bath and beyond and then just add the AAA honeymoon card with the reg. I didnt think it was that tacky , I actually have been to weddings and they had did that as well and I thought it was a good idea. I wold never ask for cash "straight up" like that. With the AAA they have a little card that says something along the lines of "insted of a gift just donate to the honeymoon". I don't know it's a lot to think about.... but i do appreciate your fed back. I actually thought a lot of people were doing it like that now ,lol . Thanks Girls
  • Stacylynn702Stacylynn702 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I think they have "Honeymoon registries".  I didn't do one and I don't know how PC they are but maybe you could look into that to make it more formal?
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  • LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I know I'm a little late to the conversation, but I'm really not a fan of HM registries! It's really not much different than asking for $$, but they take a cut off of the top!

    I couldn't agree more with the PP about at least creating a small registry. Especially if a friend is going to throw a shower, as a shower is really a time for giving tangible gifts. If you really don't need anything, you can absolutely refuse any offers people make to throw you a shower.

    Engagement parties aren't for gifts. If you include any kind of registry information for an E Party, it just looks gift-grabby.
    And they're the five best friends that anyone could have, the five best friends that anyone could have! Photobucket
  • LadyJ10LadyJ10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Oh, and NCV is totally right about Jack and Jills -- they're not the norm in this region, and having any kind of "fundraiser" at a shower would be extremely tacky.
    And they're the five best friends that anyone could have, the five best friends that anyone could have! Photobucket
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