Friend Recommendations

rsanna · April 2012

I have kind of looked at photographers in my area and there is only one that MAY be affordable. However, my FI and I both have a friend that is a student photographer and I know she took the photos of her cousins wedding. That said, because she is our friend we may want to invite her when we finalize the guest list. I am also friends with her aunt, whom I worked with for 4 years. However, my FI and I were wanting to ask her if she knew of anyone (a fellow student photographer) that would be willing to take our pictures pretty cheap. We completely trust her judgment of who has good work and who doesn't, and we know she knows her fellow students (possible co-workers if they are on the school paper with her) better than we do. Would it be horribly rude if we asked her? We don't want her to think we are asking/pressuring her to do it, because I feel like that would be taking extreme advantage of a friend. What do you guys think?

monkeysip · April 2012

You just want to ask your photographer friend if she can recommend a fellow photography student to shoot your wedding?

I don't see anything wrong with that.

If she's going to be a guest, I wouldn't ask her to also be the photographer. But you're not asking her, right?

MyUserName1 · April 2012

Why don't you decide whether you're inviting her or not first- That way you know how to handle the conversation better.

If you're inviting her, then it's easy: "Hi friend, I was hoping that you could suggest one of your classmates who could photograph our wedding, our budget is X dollars. We can't wait to celebrate with you!"

If you're not inviting her, it's more awkward. If you're having a VERY small (family only wedding) then its a little less awkward because you can include that info. But if you're inviting OTHER friends and NOT her, i'd skip discussing the wedding with her.

Loopyseven · April 2012

If you don't invite her would you consider asking HER to do your photos, or did you not like the work she did for your friends?

Ditto MUN. FIgure out if you are going to invite her first. If you are, approach her and ask if she can recommend any of her fellow students to shoot your wedding. You couldn't impose on her as she'll be too busy being a guest. If you are not going to invite her, ask her to do your photography and ask her for her rates/fees at the same time so there's no awkwardness over "is it a gift, or does she expect to be paid".

rsanna · April 2012

My wedding is a ways off, but I am worried that we will wait too long and a photographer we could afford will be booked. The reason we are unsure about inviting her is I know we are pretty good friends now but over the next several months I don't know how close we will be. But I know she may still hear some of the stuff second hand, because she is extremely good friends with several of our friends.

Really the guest list is going to be a huge mess, because we are both in a huge interconnected friend group. So while we aren't close with everyone, if invite friend A, and M isn't invited but is really close to friend A, it can get a little awkward. But we will just have to deal with that. We also a lot of single friends and I have an irrational fear that by the time we put together our guest list almost all of them will be in relationships.

Anyway, we don't want to ask her to be the photographer (though I know she would be amazing if she said yes) because if she is there, I would much rather have her as a guest and I would hate to take advantage of her. So yes, it would just be if she can recommend someone.

By the way, I ask most of these things because the way my family does things isn't completely right etiquette wise and while at first I think it would be okay, I want to try and make sure I don't step on anyone's toes and can be as considerate as possible. So I would rather get berated by strangers if I am wrong, then make my friends or family mad or upset because I was dumb.

MyUserName1 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-recommendations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c4e80d9-8278-4161-9ef0-bc94631a84c2Post:7384df0f-b25f-4800-b771-d9fff97fe53c">Re: Friend Recommendations</a>:
[QUOTE]My wedding is a ways off, but I am worried that we will wait too long and a photographer we could afford will be booked. The reason we are unsure about inviting her is I know we are pretty good friends now but over the next several months I don't know how close we will be. But I know she may still hear some of the stuff second hand, because she is extremely good friends with several of our friends. Really the guest list is going to be a huge mess, because we are both in a huge interconnected friend group. So while we aren't close with everyone, if invite friend A, and M isn't invited but is really close to friend A, it can get a little awkward. But we will just have to deal with that. We also a lot of single friends and I have an irrational fear that by the time we put together our guest list almost all of them will be in relationships. Anyway, we don't want to ask her to be the photographer (though I know she would be amazing if she said yes) because if she is there, I would much rather have her as a guest and I would hate to take advantage of her. So yes, it would just be if she can recommend someone. By the way, I ask most of these things because the way my family does things isn't completely right etiquette wise and while at first I think it would be okay, I want to try and make sure I don't step on anyone's toes and can be as considerate as possible. <strong>So I would rather get berated by strangers if I am wrong, then make my friends or family mad or upset because I was dumb.</strong>
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This is wise. so, so wise.

</div>

rsanna · April 2012

Loopy, that sounds much better than anything that was going through my head. And no she does great work! She has taken random shots of a lot of people over this year, nothing too planned or anything and they are great. She works for the school paper and has gone on a trip to Kyrgyzstan to photograph and I think she is going to India on another trip this summer to photograph as well.

OliveOilsMom · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-recommendations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c4e80d9-8278-4161-9ef0-bc94631a84c2Post:93155a3c-57b5-4392-9c3d-c11c4cf08ac3">Re: Friend Recommendations</a>:
[QUOTE]Loopy, that sounds much better than anything that was going through my head. And no she does great work! She has taken random shots of a lot of people over this year, nothing too planned or anything and they are great. She works for the school paper and has gone on a trip to Kyrgyzstan to photograph and I think she is going to India on another trip this summer to photograph as well.
Posted by rsanna[/QUOTE]

If you really enjoy her work and you think she will be at your wedding attending as a guest. Ask her to shoot your engagment session. Pay her of course. But also have her recommend a friend from school who can shoot your wedding with X budget. Make sure she knows that she will be attending your wedding as a guest. She may want to also shoot your wedding to add to her portfolio instead. At this point, it would be up to you to either take up her offer or decline politely saying you really want her there as a guest to enjoy the whole night without working.

twotimemob · April 2012

Is it possible that your photographer friend will be offended that you didn't ask her to do your photography?

It doesn't sound like she's a close friend, because you said you may not be such good friends later when finalizing the guest list. If you like her work, ask her to be your photographer, but give her the option if she'd rather be a guest. If she'd rather be a guest, then at that point you can ask her for recommendations.

Bonzo2011 · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-recommendations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5c4e80d9-8278-4161-9ef0-bc94631a84c2Post:131863a4-ae08-46c3-9f97-d24e8b712341">Re: Friend Recommendations</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend Recommendations : If you really enjoy her work and you think she will be at your wedding attending as a guest. Ask her to shoot your engagment session. Pay her of course. But also have her recommend a friend from school who can shoot your wedding with X budget. Make sure she knows that she will be attending your wedding as a guest. She may want to also shoot your wedding to add to her portfolio instead. At this point, it would be up to you to either take up her offer or decline politely saying you really want her there as a guest to enjoy the whole night without working.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

We have a similar situation. The husband of one of my BMs is a photographer, just finishing school and already working on getting his business going. We LOVE his work. When we got engaged, the friend offered to do our engagement photos as a gift (we did buy him dinner after though). They turned out amazing, and it was so much fun working with a photographer we knew and trusted.

Up until a few months ago, we were still trying to do the whole "you'll be a guest, we don't want you to have to work" thing. But we never saw a portfolio at a comparable cost that we liked more. Eventually his wife (my BM and one of my best friends since we were 9) and I had a conversation about it. She told me that even when he is not being paid to photograph a wedding, he spends the whole time taking pictures. As she put it, if he will be taking the pictures anyway, and I love his work, why not just hire him?

What we've written up in the contract is that he will have an assistant. This assistant will be responsible for a lot of the reception, because among other things the wedding is right after my BMs and her husbands first anniversary! So I made it clear to them that I want them to enjoy the wedding as a couple, not just has my BM and my photographer.

I hope reading through my story of working with a friend as photographer helps you figure out what will work for you. What is working for us might not be the right choice for you, but I wanted you to see that it can work if you both really take the time to figure out the logistics.

Good luck!

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