Wedding Etiquette Forum

Groom's friend insisting to be invited AND film the ceremony

Hello! I have been lurking this forum for awhile and need some input on this.

I am getting married July 2014 and have been with my fiance for almost 9 years (was engaged back in 2011). We have lived together in state, but ended up in an LDR over career situation (I lost my job and took another in a different state). My fiance is finishing his second medical degree in another state and will be moving down South with me August 2013. We have an idea guest list, but because our family and friends are spread out overseas and nationally, we struggled to meet a compromise to where to throw our wedding. Finally, my fiance and I have recently decided to do this:

1. Wedding ceremony will be in our new home state. Family and wedding party (groomsmen/bridesmaids) only because the location is 5-6 hours away from most of the guest. Tiny reception at a restaurant.
2. Honeymoon. We don't know where yet.
3. Throw a bigger reception back in my parents' state, where it is closer to the majority of friends and family, and invite all intended guest.

So here's the problem:
We have not told anyone about our wedding ceremony situation since we had recently agreed to this arrangement. While my fiance and I were out with his friends last night (We were in town for the holidays), one of them was insisting (out of the blue) that he comes to the wedding and films. He wants to film the whole ceremony AND FI and I getting ready before going down the aisle. I am really not keen about this idea since I am not comfortable about outside guests coming into the bridal room where I will be in the middle of getting ready with my Bridesmaids/MOH/parents/photographer. This guy also has no training in photography/videography whatsoever. I tried to downplay it that our wedding will be about 6 hours away and require some travelling, but he doesn't care. He still insisted, so then I asked him about sending us samples of his previous work and FI and I would think about it. I got him to choke and then tried to say he has done filming for "other events", but certainly not for a wedding. He is still insisting to come, but I did not plan to cave in since I want a professional.

So here's my question: should I allow a friend to film or is it better to hire a professional? Is it wrong of me to feel apprehensive about having this friend filming us when I will have other photographers around? How should I approach it? Since I only plan to invite people close to my ceremony, I am afraid if I invite this guy then we have to invite ALL of our friends because it would not be fair to them. I want a small, intimate wedding ceremony with only people who are very close, and then throw a reception closer for everyone else when returning from our Honeymoon.

I plan to have my fiance deal with breaking the news to him. Other than that, I can use some suggestions here.

Re: Groom's friend insisting to be invited AND film the ceremony

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think that if anyone films it, a) it should be something you're okay with and b) s/he should be a professional.

    Tell your FI to tell his friend no nicely-no matter how hard the friend insists.  If he gets pouty about it, then I think he's not such a good friend. 
  • It is way too early to be having these types of issues. Just brush it off and say you don't know details yet, which is sounds like you honestly don't. 

  • Your wedding is over 1.5 years away--like PPs said, it is way too early to be having these kinds of conversations.  However, please remember that it is rude to discuss the wedding with people who won't be invited.  If it does come up because someone else brings it up, change the subject.  If, in 1.5 years he is still insisting on filming the wedding (and you were already planning to invite him) just tell him that you'd rather he just enjoy being a guests and that you are hiring a photog.
  • All other details aside, if one if my husband's friends was insisting on filming me getting ready for my wedding, I would put a hard foot down and fast. That is just creepy and over the line in my eyes. Please do not cave on this if it is important to you.

    photo fancy-as-fuck.jpg
  • I think your fi just need to say "no." No explanations. Because he sounds like someone who will explain away any reason you give: "It's going to be very far away, we don't want people to have to travel." "Oh I don't mind I like road trips." "There will be a professional photographer there and I wouldn't want you two to get in each others' way." "Oh I won't be in the way you won't even notice I'm there." It goes on...
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