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African American Weddings

Need Knottie Vibes & Prayers ASAP!!!! (long)

So just when I think things are going just fine here comes the devil trying to steal my joy. So I get a call from my grandma and sister while at work. Come to find out the church where I"m getting married at in 3 DAYS!!! Is having a family fun day the same day as my wedding!!!! OMG I['m can't even type through the tears!!!

Okay here is the backgound I grew up in the church but was forced to leave the church about 2 years ago when I found out the pastor is gay and likes young boys and there was a incident with him touch someone I know penis (sorry if tmi). I was devasated because I had to leave the only church home I'd know so at first I didn't know where I was getting married.  I prayed about the situation and thought if I should tell people. Only people knew were my family so we met with him and he admitted what he had done but refused to step down. I prayed and prayed and God told me to let go and let him handle it. So last year I decided to see if I could still have the wedding at my church but have my now pastor would perform the ceremony so they agreed. I had to pay $175 for the ceremony fee.

Now to current day I find out from word of mouth about this family friends day at the church and I just lose it and have a fit I called the pastor, the pastors assistance and I mean I was livid. My sister went off and call and come to find out the family day was originally scheduled to take place last Saturday but due to the pastors mil funeral they move the family day to my wedding day and didn't bother to notify me. So the assistant pastor calls me and tries to assure me that things will be ok and that the event will be from 10 - about 3 and that it won't affect my wedding and that's y they didn't notify me. She said that it would be on the opposite side of my event and that noone would disturb the wedding.

I'm still so hurt and now I'm not even excited about the day anymore and I feel like the devil is winning because I just want to say forget it and FI and I go to my pastors office and get married their instead. Part of me wanted to let her have it and go off but the christian side of me just let it go and said ok but that I felt like I could have been told.

Idk what to do CryCryCry
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Re: Need Knottie Vibes & Prayers ASAP!!!! (long)

  • edited December 2011
    Sorry to hear about what happened but have they told you how the family fun day wont ruin your wedding is there another part of the church that only you will have access to and the family fun day will be held at the back perhaps find out the plan in its entirety, what time does your wedding start I know events end at 3 but some fols will still be there so call back and get all the deets dont worry as long as unwanted guest wont be walking down the aisle when you are there lets hope the church can ease your worry...knottie hugs girl don't worry the devil is not winning
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  • edited December 2011
    I do think that an FYI call would have been nice.  At this point, we cannot change what the church didn't do. If they are working to try and still accommodate the solemnity of your wedding despite the double booking, roll with that and try to focus on the fact that you are getting married on Saturday.  Family day or not, your wedding will still go on.  Praying that you still can have the wedding of your dreams.  
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  • edited December 2011
    Oh lordie!!! That is a lot.. I would have left that church too. I left one church because of rumors about a pastor having an affair and funneling money. He never confirmed it was not true, there was an article in the newspaper about it and I was just too through! So I OVERstand!!

    Now, yes they should have called you. If the family event is from 10-3.. what time is your wedding? Will everyone (like musicians and such) be available for your wedding or will they be at the family day? I agree with PP and get their schedule and maybe see if you could schedule a walk through today or tomorrow just to confirm where the family day activities will be happening and where and your wedding will take place. Like if you are getting dressed at the church will you have enough space to do so? Will there be conflicting music with your wedding and the family day? Will ushers be available to keep lookie-loos out in they are attending the family day and want to "crash" your wedding?

    Those are just some questions I would want to be cleared up!

    I believe it will all go well!

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  • edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies. My wedding starts at 3 and my florist will be there about 12 to set up. The sound tech and other people will be there for the wedding. We're getting to the church at 1:30 or 2. The church has a banquet facility that is on the other side of the church and that is where the family fun day is taking place. They did assure me that they would tell security to advise the familty fun day people and I'm going to have to let my coordinator and ushers know not to tet anyone come the way I will be walking fun. At this point I just have to let go and let God!

    They said it should be just about wrapped up at 3 so we'll see.
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  • edited December 2011
    Im confused... why are you upset again? because the family and friends day is at the church on your wedding day? Or are you still harboring (sp?) ill feelings towards him/the church because of what happened and any little thing will set you off?

    I don't see a reason to let this upset you. Even if there was a carnival going on in the basement you shouldn't let that affect what you and your future husband are doing on tha day.

    It's really ok... *hugs*
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_need-knottie-vibes-prayers-asap-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dcddb94b-7260-4d83-a6e1-ffe5e5495710Post:459e376f-a05b-4358-ba9c-81fd8643a4df">Re: Need Knottie Vibes & Prayers ASAP!!!! (long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Im confused... why are you upset again? <strong>because the family and friends day is at the church on your wedding day?</strong> Or are you still harboring (sp?) ill feelings towards him/the church because of what happened and any little thing will set you off? I don't see a reason to let this upset you. Even if there was a carnival going on in the basement you shouldn't let that affect what you and your future husband are doing on tha day. It's really ok... *hugs*
    Posted by Soon2BSand[/QUOTE]

    Yes!!! I'm upset because it's the same day as the wedding and I just found out today. I'm wayyyyyyyyy over what happen and I don't have any hard feelings. I mention it to say that I have a history with the church and how it came about that I was having the wedding there. 

    At first I didn't know it was going to be on the other side. I just didn't want anything to disturb the wedding and I was concerend where my guest would park and things like that. I still think it's rude to book two big things in the same area on the same day. At this point I'm over it but just needed to vent a little first
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  • shaneikawshaneikaw member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think that you really let this upset you b/c you were probably already at the edge and this is just something to push you over.  Honestly just take a step back and breath its going to be ok. Like you said you have a coordinator and ushers,, just for that purpose thats their jobs to make sure that everything goes as planned. so i would delegate them to do their jobs and not worry about it. Just step back and breath it's going to be ok. 

    As far as your feelings about the church and the pastor like you said you had to pray about it and God TOLD YOU to let him handle it, so you need to do just that let those feelings go and allow God to handle that man b/c when judgment day come he will have to answer to God about the things that he did or did not do. You have to let those things go, if not your going to be hurting yourself more than you need to.
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  • edited December 2011
    Girl I am praying for peace in your heart right now.  Take a deep breath.  Yes you have a right to be upset.  They should have notified you but as someone else said we can't change what has happened.  Focus on the fact that you and your FI will finally become one.  That is the point of the day.  All the rest is just cake.  Breath and know that your day will still be beautiful and special.  You will have people all around you who love you and support you.  They will not let any craziness happen to interfere with your special day.  As you said give it up to God and He will handle it.  It's all going to work out.  Don't allow the devil to steal your joy and for goodness sake do not allow the devil to ruin your wedding day.

    Put it into perspective.  What is the worse that could happen?  A few extra people hang around to see you in your dress or see you exchange vows with the man you love.  It will be okay. 
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  • edited December 2011
    I know the situation is bothersome but just let it go and put it in God's hands and trust that your day will be wonderful.
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry! I'd be peeved too, but you'll be so focused on the purpose of that day it won't bother you. sending calm vibes your way!
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  • edited December 2011
    I would be livid too.....praying all goes well. Hugs and hang in there!!!
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  • edited December 2011
    I TOTALLY understand how you feel & how you may be concerned about the interference of stragglers from he family event. I definitely would be. But as others said, you just have to work around it & not let this ruin your mood. Have your ushers & security do their jobs, and make sure they have the space to accommodate you & your vendors before the ceremony. Everything will be fine!!!

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  • edited December 2011
    Just breath, pray to God and leave it in his hands. It will work out, try not to stress and don't make a big deal out of it. Enjoy your day  and these days leading up to the wedding...don't let it fly by worrying about things you can't control like other people trying to steal that day from you,...in the end once you see your groom standing there looking at you like he did the first time he seen you just wrapped up in how gorgeous you look for him none of the extras little things seemed to matter... focus on the good stuff you have to look forward to.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with all the ladies before me. Please don't let this stress you out. Your day will be beautiful and I'm pretty sure your coordinator, family, and friends will be working extra hard to make sure that you won't even know they're there. Enjoy your day. It's about you and your FH! Everything will be just fine. Leave it in God's hand ...and let it stay there! ;) *Hugs*
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