Recap on relationship status: boyfriend and I have been together about 2.5 years, survived 7 month trans-Atlantic long distance relationship, and we live together.
So… about a month ago, boyfriend and I had a conversation that led me to believe we’d resolved some of our concerns about moving forward and that boyfriend and I would eventually one-day get married, after he graduates.
Boyfriend and I spoke again yesterday… and this is not the case. One of his biggest concerns is finances. We both tend to have more conservative financial views, but his are significantly more conservative than mine. I have student loan debt for my bachelor’s degree and some graduate-level work because I received little (= practically none) help with college, either for living expenses or for tuition, though I am now thankful to have a job that pays my tuition. He had more help than that, and he has no college loan debt and money saved for retirement already. I’m not in that boat (depressing fact: I have ~ 46k in student loan debt—my brain is super expensive!). But I have zero balance on credit cards, don’t go crazy, save up, and wait until I can afford things. We tend to agree on a lot of financial behavior.
But, apparently, he expects me to forgo the occasional treat or fulfilling other dreams of mine (like getting a horse one day) until I have paid back ALL of my student loan debt. He also told me (though I’m not doing an exact quote here) that he wanted to “review my finances” in a few months to see if I was budgeting appropriately enough that he could consider marrying me. I’ve always been really open with my finances, but this seems to me to be rather extreme. And I'm hurt and offended.
I know finances are really important to him, and I understand that different financial views can destroy relationships. But at this point, I feel like he’s hurt ours because he just treated me like an accountant trying out a client (in a few months, submit all receipts for evaluation!). And I’m upset. It’s not like he’s NOT known about my student loan debt either; he’s known almost as long as we’ve been together. If he’s going to decide he can’t marry me because of my student loan debt… I’d rather him make this decision now than in another 8 months. Or for him to have made the decision earlier since it's not like this is NEWS to him.
And I’m hurt. We just had a fabulous weekend together too, all the usual perks of our relationship: laughter, cuddling, and enjoying each other's company.
And I just wanted some advice on how to handle this kind of request/information/news. I don't quite know how to articulate a question though... sorry.
EDIT: I don't know why it made the font so small. I tried to figure it out, but I failed. Sorry!