Maid's Expected Weight Loss

applefreiter · December 2010

One of my bridesmaids (a beautiful, voluptuous woman!) has mentioned several times that she is planning on losing weight before our wedding in May. I am doing everything I can to encourage her, (don't get me wrong, she could gain 20 lbs and still be beautiful in my eyes!) but her being a busy student - and considering her past efforts at losing the weight, I really doubt that there will be much of a change in the 5 months we have left - especially with the Christmas festivities.

She wants to purchase a smaller dress NOW, in hopes that she "might" fit it come wedding time. I don't think this is a smart desicion, and any alterations that would need to be done to the particular dress my maids have their eye on would be a massive change in order to accomodate her "girls." We all really like the dress - it's affordable, cute and definitely fits in with the wedding scheme.

I don't think it is wise to take this kind of risk, and truthfully, I am not willing to take a gamble with her expected weight loss. How do I suggest we wait - or select a different dress that can be more easily altered if her weight loss plans fall through? I don't want to be rude, but I don't want to put her, me and the other maids in a bad situation the week before the wedding.

Help!

kbsmom1 · December 2010

We were just a witness to this kind of thinking....although I think its awesome she wants to get healthier...this can be a disaster to deal with......a BM in a recent wedding thought she too could loose from an 18 to a 14......ordered the 14........welll after a very stressful 4 months that she could not foresee....she sould not loose the weight...the dress was unbelievably small....had to be made into a somewhat empire the day of the wedding because the side seams split and would not close.......too much drama to handle just hours before the wedding.........she should get her size NOW and get a qualified seamstress to alter down if needed.....wait until the last possible min for dress ordering......they always say way too early...but most you can get in 3 months unless its a real highend dress...

AllyR75 · December 2010

just say that you're going to order the dress in the size they are right now and alterations will be made down the road. Just tell her that when she loses the weight the dress will be taken in.

applefreiter · December 2010

What a sticky situation - the dress that my maids picked want isn't from a bridal boutique, so they don't have to be 'ordered'.
It doesn't come in her "current" size, but she is absolutely insistant that her current weight not "hold" the other maids back from buying the dress she wants.

Is it rude to put my foot down and insist that all the maids buy a different dress - something that will fit everyone's current size? I vowed not to be a bridezilla and ask too much of my bridesmaids, but this is turning into a nightmare for me.

strlzfan11 · December 2010

I would find out from the dress shop when the last possible date to order is and have her order the size she is on that date.

A similar thing happened to me before my sister's wedding a few years back. She finally picked a date around the same time another friend of mine got engaged. I went dress shopping with the friend when she was just browsing for ideas. My mom suggested I take pictures of the dresses I tried on so my sister could get ideas. The dresses were on the tight side. A few months later the stress levels at work skyrocketed and I lost close to 30 pounds. The weight came off but it really took a few more months for it really to affect my dress size. When I ordered my dress for my sister's wedding (6 months after I tried it on initially when I went shopping with my friend) I ended up ordering was 2 sizes smaller than what I tried on which came in 6 weeks after I ordered it. A few months later I was down another dress size and ended up having to have my dress taken in even though I hadn't lost any more weight. Had I waited an additional 4 months to order to my dress (the wedding was 9 months after I ordered it) I could've just ordered the size I needed instead of just paying for alterations.

The weight comes off from a numbers standpoint, but your body is going to take time for everything to shift around to a point where it really affects how your clothes fit.

aegrish · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maids-expected-weight-loss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:be128ba4-371d-4ea7-8c7d-0cb9dbad09ffPost:9d32598a-2b06-45ce-9750-72271608ebe7">Re: Maid's Expected Weight Loss</a>:
[QUOTE]What a sticky situation - the dress that my maids picked want isn't from a bridal boutique, so they don't have to be 'ordered'. It doesn't come in her "current" size, but she is absolutely insistant that her current weight not "hold" the other maids back from buying the dress she wants. Is it rude to put my foot down and insist that all the maids buy a different dress - something that will fit everyone's current size? I vowed not to be a bridezilla and ask too much of my bridesmaids, but this is turning into a nightmare for me.
Posted by applefreiter[/QUOTE]

You should definitely find a dress that they can all CURRENTLY fit into just in case. Please don't pick a dress expecting her to lose weight when it doesn't come in her current size anyways. Even if she obliges that's a lot of pressure! What will happen if she doesn't lose the weight? Alterations to make a dress bigger (if even possible) are probably costly, much more so probably than taking one in.

jessienjeremy · December 2010

I think everyone gave you good advice.. I agree.. find out the absolute last date to order the dress and order it based on her size then.

I had 2 BM's have babies in October. They waited till the last minute to order their dresses. Another BM just found out she is pregnant (about 2 months along) and has already gained 20 lbs. So we had to ship her dress back even though she only needed to go from a 12 to a 14. It is alot easier to take in than take out

Beachy730 · December 2010

Please only post this on one board next time, or put XP in your title so we know. I just ran into the same post on A&A and M&M.

[Deleted User] · December 2010

Dang, three boards. I saw the one on A&A.

tidetravel · December 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_maids-expected-weight-loss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:be128ba4-371d-4ea7-8c7d-0cb9dbad09ffPost:0344ad2b-bc32-4dfe-88ac-87ddb82c8a0e">Maid's Expected Weight Loss</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my bridesmaids (a beautiful, voluptuous woman!) has mentioned several times that she is planning on losing weight before our wedding in May. I am doing everything I can to encourage her, (don't get me wrong, she could gain 20 lbs and still be beautiful in my eyes!) but her being a busy student - and considering her past efforts at losing the weight, I really doubt that there will be much of a change in the 5 months we have left - especially with the Christmas festivities. She wants to purchase a smaller dress NOW, in hopes that she "might" fit it come wedding time. I don't think this is a smart desicion, and any alterations that would need to be done to the particular dress my maids have their eye on would be a massive change in order to accomodate her "girls." We all really like the dress - it's affordable, cute and definitely fits in with the wedding scheme. I don't think it is wise to take this kind of risk, and truthfully, <strong>I am not willing to take a gamble with her expected weight loss. </strong>How do I suggest we wait - or select a different dress that can be more easily altered if her weight loss plans fall through? I don't want to be rude, but<strong> I don't want to put her, me and the other maids in a bad situation </strong>the week before the wedding. Help!
Posted by applefreiter[/QUOTE]

Suggest that she order the size that she is now, and have it altered later. If she insists on ordering down a size, and she doesn't lose the weight, it's on her. She'll either have to have alterations done or look like an overstuffed sausage. It won't affect you or your other maids. This is truly a "not your problem" problem.

LuluP82 · December 2010

I had this exact situation with one of my girls in my wedding last month. She didn't lose the weight. She actually ended up gaining a few lbs! And then, the day of the wedding, the dress wouldn't fit. We finally put her in spanx and control top hose and the wedding coordinator and photographer did something to the back to fasten it since it wouldn't zip all the way. She ended up having to stand against a wall during the ceremony (it was THAT tight), and then after pictures, she changed into another dress.

I'd get a different dress, if it doesn't come in her size now.

BUT, conversely-- I ordered my dress for my cousin's wedding last year, and I did lose 15lbs. It was fairly dramatic weight loss too as far as my body changes bc I started a strict workout regime, so my body really changed-- I went from a 6 to a 2. They couldn't take in the dress enough. I looked ridiculous. In the end, my cousin just had me buy a different dress in a complementing color the day of the wedding (I got it back from alterations 3 days before and it looked awful-- it was soooo baggy around the hips). But the dress wasn't very flowy-- if it had been a more flowy dress or cocktail instead of a long mermaid-y gown, I wouldve been fine.

stephasuasu · December 2010

It costs more money to let a dress out then to take it in. She should order her current size and then just have it altered near the wedding...

thesuninherhead · December 2010

My MOH did this. She didn't lose all of the weight that she'd planned at that time (although she has since), and her zipper actually broke the day of the wedding. I had no clue about any of this- she wore a cardi over the dress (pre-planned- I was happy for them to wear whatever they were comfortable with) and my mother supplied her with a safety pin. I felt awful when I found out afterwards! But I don't think that you can dictate what size she gets, beyond trying to sway her to err on the side of caution.

emilyinchile · December 2010

I'm with The Sun. Everyone who's saying "she should order the dress in the size she is now" - yes, she should because that's the sensible answer, but since she is a grown up who is using her own money to buy something, OP has no place to say "hey friend, let me tell you what you need to do with your money."

Suggest that dresses are easier to take in than they are to take out and that she wait until the ordering deadline to choose her size, and then let it go. She is an adult, so if the dress doesn't fit she can deal with how to fix that problem.

mypalbabs · December 2010

If she has a large rack (and it sounds like she does), she will probably need the larger size to accomodate the twins. Perhaps if you focus on that part, she will see the logic.

Maid: I plan to lose weight so I'm going to wait and get a smaller size.
You: You will still have a lovely, large rack, so you will likely need your current size to fit them in nicely. You can have the waistline altered pretty easily later to account for any weight you may lose between now and then.

BluValkyrie · December 2010

If she orders her dress now in her current size, and DOES loose the weight, she'll have a real feeling of accomplishment when it has to be taken in; least I know I'd be all extact.

I guess you could try and tell her to err on the side of caution.

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