Not Engaged Yet

Re: Saturday Entertainment...

  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I saw that the other day. Someone is a teensy bit spoiled, methinks.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't see a problem with a $30K wedding budget, if that's what they choose to spend. That's probably going to be my budget, because that's how things are in NYC. It's no one's business to tell you that you are spending too much or too little on YOUR wedding.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't really have a problem with the amount, even though I could pay for a wedding, a car, and a downpayment on a house for that amount of money. I do have an issue with her complaining that its not enough for her honeymoon. You want one thing, you cant afford that thing, you compromise or sacrifice. No need to ask or whine to strangers. Just my opinion though.
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:3e34a2d8-2a72-4600-b040-339a6da2c13f">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't see a problem with a $30K wedding budget, if that's what they choose to spend. That's probably going to be my budget, because that's how things are in NYC.<strong> It's no one's business to tell you that you are spending too much or too little on YOUR wedding.
    </strong>Posted by GreenPepperBurger[/QUOTE]

    Agreed, GPB.

    My opinion is that some of the posters on that thread became more interested in trashing the girl than helping with the question she actually asked. If the girl is spoiled, she's spoiled. If she's not, so much the better. IMO, it's not our job as fellow TK posters to try to change that. We can help or not. Period. I see no reason people couldn't have just given whatever advice they had, or just stayed away if they were so annoyed with the poster's supposed entitlement that they were turned off to the point of being unable to do so.

    I didn't really think there was enough information in the post to definitively say whether the OP was indeed entitled. Maybe a little naive, sure. But it doesn't help to say "you're entitled/naive/spoiled/whatever." I think it would have been more constructive to say "$30K is a very generous budget--congrats. Is it an option to trim from that budget to help with the honeymoon?"

    Then, without feeling confronted, OP can weigh that statement and chill out a little, hopefully seeing that she's talking to a board full of people with much smaller budgets who had nice weddings, too. If PPs don't attack a poster, maybe they'll stick around and talk, calmly, and progress will be made. Instead, in this situation, the OP got offended and had reason to question whether sticking around the board was a good idea. IMO, combativeness just serves to further entrench people in their original viewpoints.

    She said she wanted to go to London and Paris and spend $10K, and wanted ideas on how to afford it. Okay...my first thought was, what does she mean by afford it? Does she have a job? Savings? What does she think she can spend? Where was she getting the $10K figure? How long do she and her FI want to stay? That's where I think that thread should have gone.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:326a335f-04d6-420f-bd71-6fc9b6d98013">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't really have a problem with the amount, even though I could pay for a wedding, a car, and a downpayment on a house for that amount of money. I do have an issue with her complaining that its not enough for her honeymoon. You want one thing, you cant afford that thing, you compromise or sacrifice. No need to ask or whine to strangers. Just my opinion though.
    Posted by AbigailMS[/QUOTE]

    <div>This was more or less my line of thought.</div>
  • tuarceathatuarceatha member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    hehe I haven't ventured to the other message boards yet, but from what I just saw I have to say this is DEFINTELY a girls' site. woo-ee.
  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Marley, have I properly expressed my love for you recently?

    I feel like if she had come on here saying she was having a $5k wedding, and was trying to scrape together the money to go away for a week long honeymoon instead of a weekend, and wanted ideas on how to do that (budgeting, saving, whatever), she would have gotten a warmer, less snarky reception.  In my opinion, a lot of the posters after sounded a bit jealous.

    For example:
    "$30k?  Really?  You can't make that stretch to cover both a wedding AND a honeymoon?"

    This would have been a totally different conversation if her numbers were $15k and $1k.

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  • edited December 2011
    I really don't care how much anyone spends on their wedding, if they can afford it.  30k or 100k, it doesn't affect me at all, I'm not paying for it, so why should I care?  But her post did come across as entitled, and I think she needed to have a reality check. 

    If you are spending that much on a wedding, then you certainly have the option to spend less and take the nicer honeymoon.  It's all about priorities and doing what you can with what you can afford.  You don't complain that your FI "hit" you with the news you'd have to put up the cash for the sweet honeymoon if you wanted it.  It was the whining that irritated most of the posters (and me, frankly).  I could go on forever about society's sense of entitlement, but I'll spare you all. 

    People on here lately spend too much time blowing sunshine up other people's arses, and it gets tiring.  For example: You're 20 with no job and are a "house girlfriend"? Welcome! How dare someone call MUD? There's nothing wrong with this picture... nothing at all.
    image
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:bb479db2-0e2d-4047-9373-868c53f18d97">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really don't care how much anyone spends on their wedding, if they can afford it.  30k or 100k, it doesn't affect me at all, I'm not paying for it, so why should I care?  But her post did come across as entitled, and I think she needed to have a reality check.  If you are spending that much on a wedding, then you certainly have the option to spend less and take the nicer honeymoon.  It's all about priorities and doing what you can with what you can afford.  You don't complain that your FI "hit" you with the news you'd have to put up the cash for the sweet honeymoon if you wanted it.  It was the whining that irritated most of the posters (and me, frankly).  I could go on forever about society's sense of entitlement, but I'll spare you all.  People on here lately spend too much time blowing sunshine up other people's arses, and it gets tiring.  <strong>For example: You're 20 with no job and are a "house girlfriend"? Welcome! How dare someone call MUD? There's nothing wrong with this picture... nothing at all.</strong>
    Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]

    Inorite? I was seriously perturbed that she was a house"girlfriend" at 20.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:bb479db2-0e2d-4047-9373-868c53f18d97">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really don't care how much anyone spends on their wedding, if they can afford it.  30k or 100k, it doesn't affect me at all, I'm not paying for it, so why should I care?  But her post did come across as entitled, and I think she needed to have a reality check.  If you are spending that much on a wedding, then you certainly have the option to spend less and take the nicer honeymoon.  It's all about priorities and doing what you can with what you can afford.  You don't complain that your FI "hit" you with the news you'd have to put up the cash for the sweet honeymoon if you wanted it.  It was the whining that irritated most of the posters (and me, frankly).  I could go on forever about society's sense of entitlement, but I'll spare you all.  <strong>People on here lately spend too much time blowing sunshine up other people's arses, and it gets tiring.  For example: You're 20 with no job and are a "house girlfriend"? Welcome! How dare someone call MUD? There's nothing wrong with this picture... nothing at all.</strong>
    Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>So nice to hear that I haven't completely lost my mind and others agreed that that post was ridiculous.  Sheesh.

    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:b04e6f29-2d9b-44cf-a0ba-305bea790e83">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait WHO is a SAHGF???  I gotta see this.
    Posted by sunbird627[/QUOTE]

    <div>Go a few posts down to "Intro".  It's entertaining.</div>
  • Beads921Beads921 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:b04e6f29-2d9b-44cf-a0ba-305bea790e83">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wait WHO is a SAHGF???  I gotta see this.
    Posted by sunbird627[/QUOTE]

    <div>I somehow missed that little gem as well. Oh. My. God. </div>
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:bb479db2-0e2d-4047-9373-868c53f18d97">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I really don't care how much anyone spends on their wedding, if they can afford it.  30k or 100k, it doesn't affect me at all, I'm not paying for it, so why should I care?  But her post did come across as entitled, and I think she needed to have a reality check.  If you are spending that much on a wedding, then you certainly have the option to spend less and take the nicer honeymoon.  It's all about priorities and doing what you can with what you can afford.  You don't complain that your FI "hit" you with the news you'd have to put up the cash for the sweet honeymoon if you wanted it.  It was the whining that irritated most of the posters (and me, frankly).  I could go on forever about society's sense of entitlement, but I'll spare you all.  <strong>People on here lately spend too much time blowing sunshine up other people's arses, and it gets tiring.  For example: You're 20 with no job and are a "house girlfriend"? Welcome! How dare someone call MUD? There's nothing wrong with this picture... nothing at all.</strong>
    Posted by noelle24[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Well, that poster didn't ask us for advice on her relationship status or living arrangement. She just came to hang out with us super cool ladies and talk about food, Harry Potter, whatever. When and if she asks us something more related, we can share our opinions.</div><div>
    </div><div>I don't know about you, but if I were talking to a new acquaintance IRL and they said they were 20 and a "house girlfriend" and "pre-engaged," no matter what I thought of it, I wouldn't say anything to her about seeing something wrong with that. It would be rude. I'd just continue the conversation, ya know? General pleasantries and such. Why should it be any different on a message board?</div><div>
    </div>
  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Again, Marley, you rock IMHO.

    Look, I think being a SAH-girlfriend at 20 years old is dumb.  And I think her post reaked of immaturity from that end - but that doesn't make it MUD.  That would imply that it's not actually the situation - that she's pretending to be a 20 year old SAH-girlfriend to cause drama.  THAT is what MUD is, and I don't believe that's what this situation was at all.  She didn't come on here seeking validation or asking our opinions, and if she had then I would have had a very different response.  As it was, I don't see it as my job to criticize someone else for no other reason than because I may think I made better life choices.  It's her life, and if she ends up a 23-year-old divorcee with no education or job to fall back on, that's her fault.  But it doesn't make it MUD.

    As far as the girl goes with the $30k wedding, she asked a perfectly reasonable question - if there were any suggestions on how should could save or budget to afford the honeymoon of their dreams.  She wasn't saying she wanted her FI to pay for it, she wasn't asking for ways to convince him to cough up more money, and she certainly wasn't asking for anyone's comments on her choice of a honeymoon.  I think people look for reasons to jump down someone's throat, like "hit me with the honeymoon". I'm fully convinced if her numbers had been lower, she would have gotten a very different, much friendlier response.  If she had said, "My FI can only afford $5k towards the wedding, and he just told me that he'd like me to save up for the honeymoon - any ideas on how I can save $1k this year?" it would have been the same point as to what she was saying, but gotten a warmer reception.  And that, to me, indicates the people who posted nasty responses are jealous.

    As far as some people might be sick of girls "blowing sunshine up others asses", I'm sick of people being mean or looking for a reason to cut someone down.  Has it occured to anyone that it's actually nice to have a place like this board to go to and be FRIENDLY with people?  If someone hasn't personally offended me, I'm going to be nice.  If they ask for advice or validation, I'll give my honest opinion.  Otherwise, I'm not going to start telling someone else how to live their life.

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    Anniversary

  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:f1a3ac25-29d3-46d6-8624-ead526515f7c">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Again, Marley, you rock IMHO.</strong> Look, I think being a SAH-girlfriend at 20 years old is dumb.  And I think her post reaked of immaturity from that end - but that doesn't make it MUD.  That would imply that it's not actually the situation - that she's pretending to be a 20 year old SAH-girlfriend to cause drama.  THAT is what MUD is, and I don't believe that's what this situation was at all.  She didn't come on here seeking validation or asking our opinions, and if she had then I would have had a very different response.  <strong>As it was, I don't see it as my job to criticize someone else for no other reason than because I may think I made better life choices.  It's her life, </strong>and if she ends up a 23-year-old divorcee with no education or job to fall back on, that's her fault.  But it doesn't make it MUD. As far as the girl goes with the $30k wedding, she asked a perfectly reasonable question - if there were any suggestions on how should could save or budget to afford the honeymoon of their dreams.  She wasn't saying she wanted her FI to pay for it, she wasn't asking for ways to convince him to cough up more money, and she certainly wasn't asking for anyone's comments on her choice of a honeymoon. <strong> I think people look for reasons to jump down someone's throat, like "hit me with the honeymoon".</strong> I'm fully convinced if her numbers had been lower, she would have gotten a very different, much friendlier response.  If she had said, "My FI can only afford $5k towards the wedding, and he just told me that he'd like me to save up for the honeymoon - any ideas on how I can save $1k this year?" it would have been the same point as to what she was saying, but gotten a warmer reception.  And that, to me, indicates the people who posted nasty responses are jealous. As far as some people might be sick of girls "blowing sunshine up others asses", I'm sick of people being mean or looking for a reason to cut someone down.  Has it occured to anyone that it's actually nice to have a place like this board to go to and be FRIENDLY with people?  <strong>If someone hasn't personally offended me, I'm going to be nice.  If they ask for advice or validation, I'll give my honest opinion.  Otherwise, I'm not going to start telling someone else how to live their life.</strong>
    Posted by calindi[/QUOTE]

    Exactly these bolded statements! Except for the first one. To that, well shucks, Cate! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" /> I think you rock, too!
  • edited December 2011
    I'm with you 100%, Calindi.  I feel as if there is a bias against brides with larger budgets.  Why does having a large(r) budget have to equal being spoiled?

    Don't get me wrong, having seen the breakdown, I feel that she could reallocate money and still have a nice wedding and honeymoon on $30K.  Still, it is her prerogative to spend that money.   She's properly hosting all of her guests, what the hell is the problem?  If she said she was having a cash bar and potluck reception so she could go on her honeymoon, she'd be wrong too.  It's like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. 
  • calindicalindi member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_saturday-entertainment?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:cf5a948c-1e0f-4689-af25-0289fbc558c3Post:9d60821c-deac-4339-a5ec-37611eb08d0a">Re: Saturday Entertainment...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm with you 100%, Calindi.  I feel as if there is a bias against brides with larger budgets.  Why does having a large(r) budget have to equal being spoiled? Don't get me wrong, having seen the breakdown, I feel that she could reallocate money and still have a nice wedding and honeymoon on $30K.  Still, it is her prerogative to spend that money.   She's properly hosting all of her guests, what the hell is the problem?  If she said she was having a cash bar and potluck reception so she could go on her honeymoon, she'd be wrong too.  I t's like you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. 
    Posted by Goldlie11[/QUOTE]


    Right, absolutely!  Someone could have said, "Hey, have you thought about cutting back on some of your wedding budget to use towards the honeymoon?"  It's a perfectly acceptable suggestion - but it didn't go down like that at all.  It become personal and vicious and catty and sarcastic.  Really not classy at all.

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  • leia1979leia1979 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Sorry, I know I'm jumping on this late. I read those posts (same chick posted the same question in several places) last Friday.

    I don't have a problem with a $30k budget. I've had friends who spent more. What bothered me was that her FI was paying for all of it, and she wasn't contributing one red cent. When I asked her if she had a job (since she kept reiterating that she was taking a whopping 18 units in school), she totally blew up. Excuse me for suggesting you get a part time job to help save for your HM.

    But you guys are right. I think a lot of people saw $30k and just latched on to that number. She would have gotten much more helpful responses by leaving the budget numbers out of it.
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