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Just wanted to get others' opinion..

So, FI and I were taking a tour of his Dad's new church (his dad is a Southern Baptist Pastor), and I completely fell in love with it. It's HUGE, and beautiful. It has a huge sanctuary, a huge room for a reception area, a commercial kitchen, and an indoor playscape that is right in front of the reception room (for kids who are bored, but parents can still keep an eye on). This sounded perfect to have the wedding at. Plus, I'm sure it would be tons cheaper for us since he's the Pastor's son. 

I was so excited about it, but then a couple of days later, it hit me. This is a Southern Baptist church. I wouldn't be able to have a bar if we chose this for our venue. 
We were at dinner with my Dad and Stepmom, and I mentioned this flaw, and they both made me seem like I was such a terrible person for being so concerned about alcohol. They kept saying, "The wedding is about the marriage, not about getting drunk."

Am I crazy for being so concerned about this? To me, the ceremony is what's about the marriage. The reception is a party to celebrate, and should be treated as such. I've been to lots of weddings, and every time there isn't a bar, people complain. For me providing a bar for my guests seems just as important as providing dinner. I mean, dinner is probably a little more important. 

It wouldn't be a big deal at all if we weren't to use the church. I have a lot of venue possibilities that I haven't even toured, so I have options. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't blowing the no-bar thing out of proportion.

Re: Just wanted to get others' opinion..

  • I don't think it's crazy to want to have alcohol at your wedding. My perspective is that I provide alcohol at every other event that I host, so why wouldn't I provide it at my wedding. And since when does an event with alcohol automatically mean everyone gets drunk? Most adults know how to behave themselves. 
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  • I don't think you're weird to want alcohol, but I have been to plenty of dry weddings in a church, so I see where he is coming from, too.
    Could you compromise and have the ceremony in the church but the reception elsewhere?
  • No you're not crazy. The bar was one of our top priorities.  Just choose another venue for the reception.
     
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    In Response to Re:Just wanted to get others' opinion..:
    [QUOTE]I'm still stuck on you wanting to have a wedding in a Southern Baptist church when you clearly aren't southern baptist. Churches aren't for pretty pictures or to save money. They are serious houses of worship and if you don't agree with their doctrine, you have no business having a wedding there.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    I so agree with every word of this.  I hate when brides use churces as pretty backdrops and not because they actually believe with the churches views.

    Yes churches can be beautiful and make for some beautiful pictures, but when I got married I knew I would be a total hypocrite if I got married in a catholic church.  Yes, I am catholic but definitley not practicing and the last time I was in a church I feared that lightning was going to strike me down when I walked through the door.

  • Ditto Maggie and Stage.
    Few things get under my skin more than couples/brides who want to get married in a church because it is pretty or less expensive.
    My FI and I will be getting married in our church; but it is OUR church and we are active in it. I go to mass every Sunday, I teach Sunday School, I am a Eucharistic minister, and my FI is in RCIA and a men's group there. Yes, I think I will have pretty pictures from my wedding there, but that is not why we chose the church. We chose the church because of our beliefs and faith. In my opinion, there is NO other reason to get married in a church.
    Praying for a miracle!
  • My FH and I are looking at locations to hold our ceremony because neither of us have a church that we attend regularly and my friend's dad is a priest in the Old American Catholic Church. What he believes/preaches, matches to what both my FH and I believe.

    Maybe I misread something, but I took it that she was checking out her FFIL's new church and realized that she could do it all there vs just the ceremony? As she started thinking about it, realized that she couldn't offer alcohol in the church and she wants to offer it. I could be way off base though.
    You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis
  • It would be possible to have the ceremony at the church and reception somewhere else, however, the church is really far out from the rest of the city, and I really wouldn't want my guests to travel an hour, not including traffic just to get to the reception. 

    Yes, I'm not Southern Baptist, but it's the congregation that FI grew up in, they just newly built a new location, which is why I considered it. I completely agree that people shouldn't just use churches for pretty pictures, and that's definitely not why I considered it, but I can see how my OP made it seem that way. I've attended church there whenever I'm in town, and would actually probably go on a regular basis, but FI and I don't live in the same town anymore. 
  • In Response to Re: Just wanted to get others' opinion..:
    [QUOTE]My FH and I are looking at locations to hold our ceremony because neither of us have a church that we attend regularly and my friend's dad is a priest in the Old American Catholic Church. What he believes/preaches, matches to what both my FH and I believe. Maybe I misread something, but I took it that she was checking out her FFIL's new church and realized that she could do it all there vs just the ceremony? As she started thinking about it, realized that she couldn't offer alcohol in the church and she wants to offer it. I could be way off base though.
    Posted by StephJean83[/QUOTE]

    Yes, that's exactly what happened here. You definitely didn't misread anything. :]
  • In Response to Re: Just wanted to get others' opinion..:
    [QUOTE]Southern Baptists won't sanction a reception with alcohol or with dancing. There will be a huge blowup if you get married in the church and then have that kind of reception afterward.  It definitely won't be allowed onsite. You might be asked not to come back to that church (and no, it's not an exaggeration). FIrst husband's family was SB.  We got married in my church, but his parents had a hissy fit anyway.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]
    I had thought about the dancing also. We asked the church about it and they said it would be fine. I guess that it's a more lax version of SB, becuase I thought the same thing that you said. They said that a DJ would be fine, because it wasn't a church function, it was a private wedding, and they have weddings/receptions there a lot since opening the new facilities. They just wouldn't allow us to have alcohol.
  • In Response to Re: Just wanted to get others' opinion..:
    [QUOTE]Well, then you have to decide what is more important to you both.  Getting married in FI's church or having alcohol.  There is no wrong answer, but I do agree that asking your guests to drive all the way out to the church and then an hour back to the reception is a poor plan and would be pretty rude. Why not just find a reception site you love and then have the ceremony there too?
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    That's probably exactly what I'm going to do. I would still have FI's father do the ceremony. I think that's what is most important to FI and I. Like I said, I haven't even touched any of my other options for venues, so I'm sure I can find something that I love. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't being as selfish as my parents were making me seem.
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