Just Engaged and Proposals

How can I let him see my side of wedding planning?

My FI and started the planning process about a month ago, but we're having a major disagreement on the style of our wedding.
I would like to have a small (30-40 guests) and simple DW, but he just wants to have a JOP ceremony and be done with it. Any time I ask what his reasoning is behind it he can't give me a reason. I know that he doesn't want to have a lavish, complicated wedding and neither do I, but I've made a DW plan that is simple and extremely budget friendly ($5,000), so it should be no problem.
I want our wedding to be small and simple, but in my opinion, a JOP is insignificant and not special in the way a wedding is. How can I explain to him the significance of a wedding and how special it is for me?
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Re: How can I let him see my side of wedding planning?

  • Tell him that you only get to do this once and it's really important that you have some of your families and closest friends there to celebrate the day with you.  Maybe he feels like he's going to have to do some of the planning and wants a JOP wedding so he doesn't have to plan.  It's totally possible to plan the wedding yourself and if you need help, try to hire a planner (my venue came with a DOC so I didn't have to hire one and she was amazing).
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_can-let-him-see-side-of-wedding-planning?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:eb4c694c-71c9-4f08-b547-ab4cf177f700Post:5af1814a-b7f3-4579-a02e-84f317982e56">How can I let him see my side of wedding planning?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My FI and started the planning process about a month ago, but we're having a major disagreement on the style of our wedding. I would like to have a small (30-40 guests) and simple DW, but he just wants to have a JOP ceremony and be done with it. Any time I ask what his reasoning is behind it he can't give me a reason. I know that he doesn't want to have a lavish, complicated wedding and neither do I, but I've made a DW plan that is simple and extremely budget friendly ($5,000), so it should be no problem. <strong>I want our wedding to be small and simple, but in my opinion, a JOP is insignificant and not special in the way a wedding is</strong>. How can I explain to him the significance of a wedding and how special it is for me?
    Posted by ChevyGirl25[/QUOTE]

    Um, so saying this is possibly one of the most inconsiderate things that I have read today.  A JOP wedding is just as significant as your small wedding.  Maybe you are confused. The same thing happens at both ceremonies.  You are married at the end.  Many couples get married at the courthouse every year, and I bet they would beg to differ.

    Moving on to your other issue.  You and your FI need to communicate and compromise.  If he wants a JOP wedding, that is just as important as your idea of a DW wedding.  You can't negate his feelings in this issue.  It is not fair to him.  He doesn't have to give a reason at all.  He wants what he wants just like you want what you want.  The two of you need to sit down and listen to each other.  You need to be prepared to compromise as does he.  That is what a marriage is about.
    ROCK IS KING!!
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think you need to sit down with him and really discuss it. He must have a reason for wanting a JOP (which btw is just as significant as any other wedding). You both need to be adults about it and listen to the concerns of the other person and then come to a compromise you are both happy with.

    Just remember the wedding is just a party its the marriage that really matters. There will be lots of times you disagree during your marriage you need to learn how to compromise with each other.


  • Are you religious? If so, I can understand why you wouldn't choose a JOP ceremony.
    But I'm not sure that's the case with you seeing as you seem to want a DW in particular.
    Is there any way you could compromise? For example, could you have the JOP ceremony and then have the honeymoon - but perhaps invite a small group to come with you for a few days to celebrate?

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