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Wedding registry vs cash for wedding

hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
First Comment
in South Asian Weddings
I've gotten lots of help from previous posts on here so thought I'd ask for your advice and thoughts once again!

My FI's family is from Bangladesh and I am Canadian. We went to a family friends wedding a couple of weeks ago and their wedding invitation stated "please no boxed gifts". My FI instantly thought it was a brilliant idea and is now convinced that we should do the same!

This is perceived as something VERY rude in my mind and my family and friends would think the same. You normally don't make such a bold request on the wedding invitation but it is told through word of mouth. He is stuck on this idea and I'm worried he won't change his mind!

Is this custom in south-asian weddings to ask for cash?
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Re: Wedding registry vs cash for wedding

  • raangoliraangoli
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It's a terrible trend that seems to have taken off in the South Asian community. Don't do it, no matter how brilliant your fiance thinks it is. It's tacky and you risk offending half of your guests who aren't accustomed to seeing this.

    If you prefer cash, just have a smaller registry and people will get the hint.
    ExerciseMilestone
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  • jsleikjsleik
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Raangoli is very wise.  Do not succumb to this!!  You should never mention gifts on the invitation!!  The small registry totally gets the point across. 
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  • hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My future sister-in-law called me yesterday and we were just chatting and this issue came up. She said as much as it sucks - it is necessary for her side of the family. Otherwise, people will just look at our registry for ideas and purchase items that are "similar" to what we asked for....it happened to her girlfriend that got married this summer. This is a nightmare!!!

    We are planning on doing our own invitations and I am now thinking we may have to adjust some of our invitations to his side of the family....because my family would be appalled if they saw "no boxed gifts" or something of that sort!!!!

    Arghhh this is turning out to be so complicated!!!!!
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  • temurlangtemurlang member
    Combo Breaker First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I completely agree with everything Raangoli said!

    There are many ways to convey the message that are much more socially acceptable.  We really couldn't accommodate a lot of "stuff" and between having a small registry and relatives discussing it amongst themselves, a lot of people gave us cash instead.  On our invitations for the Indian events we actually asked for "no gifts please" because how would we bring stuff back and how much stuff do you really want?  This was widely ignored and we gave a lot of stuff to my MIL's help.

    There are people who will ignore your registry in any case, and you can't do anything about them.

    If your FILs insist on this, at the very least don't put it on your side's invitations.  You don't want friends and family offended by something totally avoidable.
    wedding bio
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  • LLinaLLeeLLinaLLee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Hmmmm.... WOW... I didn't know this was frowned upon....

    I have a wishing well poem attached with my side's invitations to put "politely" that we wanted cash instead of gifts. FILs have simply put "Monetary gifts appreciated" on their invitations, which I thought was a little too forward. But that's what they wanted to do.

    On my wishing well poem, I also added something about it only being an option and that if people still wanted to buy something, it was still ok by us.
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  • hendersonsarahhendersonsarah member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    LLinaLLee : could you post your wishing well poem on here? I'd love to read what it's like!


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  • LLinaLLeeLLinaLLee
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Here's our wishing well poem. Nothing original found it through a google search.

    "We hope you can join us,
    On this our wedding day
    To celebrate our union,
    In a very special way.

    Our wish is quite different
    And a little hard to tell.
    Instead of shopping for a present,
    Why not bless our 'wishing well'.

    If you'd rather shop,
    It's still alright by us.
    We just thought we'd give you this option,
    It would save a lot of fuss."

    Smile
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  • pillaijettipillaijetti
    First Comment
    Another idea that you could look into is a "honemoon registry"... basically you choose different things for your honeymoon to register for in different quantities and amounts. An example would be:

    1. A romantic dinner on the beach $50 QTY 5
    2. Couples massage $175 QTY 1
    3. Chocolate covered strawberries $20 QTY 2
    4. Bottle of Red Wine $40 QTY 2
    5. Rose petals and candles on bed $15 QTY 2

    etc etc

    Then your guests would go to the website and "purchase" whatever they wanted for whatever cost they wanted. At the end, instead of being forced to use this money for the gift that was purchased, the website takes a cut (I think around 3%) and sends you a check for you to spend on your honeymoon. So if you get lets say $5000 in gifts on the site, the site will send you $4850 check in your name. This way you are still registering somewhere without asking for cash and your guests feel like they are contributing to your honeymoon. If they choose not to participate in your registry, then they can just give you cash.

    You can try www.honeyfund.com

    Good luck!
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