Not Engaged Yet

Would you rather know or not know?

I am pretty sure my bf is going to propose in the next couple of months. We've been ring shopping several times, he's talked about how if I want to lose weight for engagement photos that I might not have as much time as I think, and other stuff like that. The other day he asked if it was rude to ask my dad for his blessing even if he already bought the ring (he says hypothetical situation), and then yesterday tells me he almost asked my dad for his blessing but didn't feel the moment was right. I don't know if he's telling me this to throw me off or if he really didn't ask and it just keeps making me think about it any time he brings something like that up. I told him it's like a kid at Christmas except I don't know when Christmas is, lol. So I asked him to stop mentioning things like that.

So my question is: Would you rather know these things or not know? I am trying not to focus on this because I want it to be a surprise, but it's hard when he keeps giving me clues!
-Ely

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Re: Would you rather know or not know?

  • edited December 2011
    I'm not going to lie...I'd want to know.  Mostly because I'm a huge control freak and the details would help me emotionally prepare for an impending engagement.

    As a side note, I think it's kinda fuucked up that your BF would encourage you to lose weight for your engagement photos.  You've already lost over 100 pounds if memory serves me right...and you don't look fat at all from your pictures.  Methinks your BF may be contributing to your negative body image...which sounds to me like a problem.
  • heyimbrenheyimbren member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd rather not know. First of all, I like surprises. Second of all, it would drive me crazy.

    That's just me personally though. It would drive me nuts, so I'd tell BF to lay off the clues.

  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Shoes: He isn't the one telling me to lose weight; I told him I wanted to lose the rest of the weight some time before the engagement photos and I was going to use that as my motivation. And he mentioned that I may not have as much time as I think. Then as an afterthought, he apologized for making it sound like he was saying I had a lot to lose or anything, lol. He doesn't think I need to lose weight; I do. He just wanted me to know I didn't have long I guess. Just wanted to clear that up.

    And a part of me does want to know so I can figure it out and mentally prepare, but the other part of me wants to be completely surprised. But I've started having dreams about it and it's driving me crazy wondering all the time, lol.
    -Ely

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  • deburnindeburnin member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Personally, I like knowing that BF has a ring. Sometimes it drives me nuts that I'm not actually wearing it, but it's calmed me down on the marriage/wedding talks and I feel much more relaxed than when I didn't know there was a ring. 

    BF hasn't said anything recently but when we first went ring shopping (last July) he asked if I really still wanted him to wait till Disney. Well, we're less than three months away and he still hasn't popped the question so I'm assuming he's waiting till then. Even if it's not true, I'm not thinking "Oh is it going to happen on this romantic outing?"

    He teases about it all the time, which I know would annoy some people, but I think it's super cute and it keeps me excited even though I already know a lot of the details. :)
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  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    deburnin: I do remember you talking about wanting a Wishing Well proposal I think. That does sound romantic! My bf would drive himself crazy if he had the ring that long though! lol I think it's kinda cute that he teases you too and it's fun to stay excited about it. I don't know if I knew for sure that he had the ring that it would calm me down though. I think it'd have the opposite effect, but that could just be because I know my bf and know that once he decides to do something, he doesn't wait very long.
    -Ely

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  • Wrkn925Wrkn925 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I'd rather not know. 

    BF and I keep saying we're going to lose weight together, we don't want to get married at the size we are. So, he would say something like that, gently, even though gentle isn't necessary because I'm not sensitive about my weight when we're talking.  We need to get healthier together.

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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    I would rather not know because it would drive me crazy!  I am glad you asked him to stop.  Sometimes my BF will say things and I have to convince myself that he means nothing by it (and it is true), but it is really tough because I tend to obsess over things. :/

    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    925: That's cool that you guys can do that together. My bf has about 2% body fat it seems so he has no concept of what it's like, but he is more supportive of what I want to do than anyone even though he constantly tells me that he loves me no matter what.  If you want some quick tips: Cutting out pop/sugary drinks/alcohol will help A LOT!! Also, if you want to snack, fresh fruits are amazing. They're sweet but nothing artificial so you can pretty much eat as much as you want. That has helped me a lot throughout my journey.
    -Ely

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  • Hazel_BHazel_B member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'd want to know that my BF is moving in that direction, but no more than that.
  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Raven: I definitely understand obsessing over things! I have been thinking about what he says over and over and trying to figure out if he's telling the truth or if he is saying it so it will throw me off. That, in itself, is enough to drive a woman crazy! So I'm glad I asked him to stop too ... I think. I still can't help but be curious though ...
    -Ely

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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I would have loved to have known a range of about a week or two when the proposal was going to be.  It would have allowed to relax a lot.  The utter uncertainty drove me mad.

    As it happened, I found out one evening that it was going to happen that night, and it did.  Too bad I didn't get quite enough warning to keep from being a little drunk when it happened.
  • elanniselannis member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Well a little drunk is better than a lot drunk, lol. I think it probably would be nice to have a two week range too. That way I'd stop wondering the rest of the weeks. We're going on a big vacation at the beginning of July and I can't help but wonder if it will be then. If he's already ordered the ring, then he'd have it by then. But I don't want it to ruin the vacation if he doesn't, so I'm just going to have him stop giving me clues and try to stop thinking about it.
    -Ely

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  • ravenrayravenray member
    5000 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_would-rather-not?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:f799a391-e8b0-4ad1-8ddc-27acdd2057e3Post:6c00e90c-402c-42ee-8e26-75f78cced8d7">Re: Would you rather know or not know?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Raven: I definitely understand obsessing over things! I have been thinking about what he says over and over and trying to figure out if he's telling the truth or if he is saying it so it will throw me off. That, in itself, is enough to drive a woman crazy! So I'm glad I asked him to stop too ... I think. I still can't help but be curious though ...
    Posted by elannis[/QUOTE]

    Oh I am still curious.  But I know he wants me to be surprised (I hate surprises) so I don't try too hard.  For a lot of girls they know he has the ring.  I know that he doesn't have a ring. The thing is we spend so much time together I don't see how he would buy a ring and talk to my dad without me knowing.  But I don't tell him this because I know that he wants to surprise me. 
    "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained"-C.S. Lewis

    Married! May 27th, 2012

  • Beads921Beads921 member
    1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'd rather not know. But, knowing BF, that won't be the case...at all. He cannot keep a secret like that for the life of him. When he's excited about something, he needs me to know, ASAP.
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  • peekaboo2011peekaboo2011 Washington, DC member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Hehe...I'm in a unique position.

    BF already proposed once.  We broke it off to work on our relationship.  I knew it was coming that weekend, and roughly where it was going to be and when.  He invited so many people, it was public.  I enjoyed the proposal.  But, had I not known it was coming, I wouldn't have been able to react as well as I did.  The group would have upset me beyond belief.  He didn't tell me it was coming, he also didn't cover it all up very well.

    We've kind of talked about what I want the next time.  Once we're ready and have worked through our issues, we know we still want to get married.  And I told him that I don't want to know when it's coming, but I do want it to be just us.  No one else. No family, nothing.  If he wants to do it at Disney or something, that's one thing.  I just don't want our family and friends right there.  I want time to digest with us.  I don't want to have to be mentally prepared to deal with people.  Yes, it was exciting to get engaged, but I didn't really feel that we had time to celebrate my way.  Since everyone knew, it was basically them just trying to get him drunk.  Not my idea of a good time.
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  • jorja86jorja86 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    I don't want to know. It would drive me crazy. See, I'm kind of a control freak too, but you can't control something you have no idea about-I feel like if I had some idea, I would be trying to control it. I would also build up every out of the ordinary date to be something it's not, and I think it would make me genuinely anxious.

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  • lunarsongbirdlunarsongbird member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I wish I didn't know, really. When we get back to Colorado- we'll be meeting with Charles (our ring maker) to tweak the final design of the ring- and then after that, I know it will probably take all of my will power not to go nuts. LOL.

    I'll try not think every single fancy date is going to be "IT," but it will be hard.
     Smile

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  • MidniteRaeMidniteRae member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I would want to know, but I hate surprises. 
    "You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you." -Ray Bradbury 
  • AudgiePodgeAudgiePodge member
    2500 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I knew exactly when it was going to happen.  I think it would have been fun if I had no clue.
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  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I knew because the proposal lasted all day. So, I knew that morning when he pulled out the first part of the proposal.

    (Short version: He proposed by writing a poem and cutting up each of the lines and sticking them in dove chocolates. He kept giving me the dove chocolates throughout our day together, so by the end, I had the whole poem. Then he took me to our park and pulled out the last piece of the poem, which asked if I'd marry him.)

    Looking back, I wish it would have been totally a surprise. It was, but I knew it was coming.
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  • edited December 2011
    I want to be surprised so I have no idea but it's do frustrating that BF keeps telling me he knows when it'll be. I guess I should be glad it's on the cards but I'd rather it took me by surprise and I had no idea. I think we're probably past the point in our relationship where I wouldn't expect it though!
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  • marleylikeairmarleylikeair member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think I'd like to know it's coming, in a very vague sense, but not when or how. And I really hope he does it somewhere romantic and in public. I'm sometimes an attention hoar like that. :)
  • edited December 2011
    BF is doing the same thing to me..I know it's going to happen in the next 6 months but he brings it up constantly and makes comments just like yours. I'd rather not know at all, or know the general time it's going to happen (ex. christmas, birthday, vaca, etc.)..it drives me insane!

    At this point I'd rather just know..I'm not big into surprises anyways.
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  • Cackle6Cackle6 member
    Sixth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad I don't know. Although it does drive me crazy sometimes, I love surprises, so I really want it to be a complete surprise. If I knew if he had the ring I think it would drive me crazy. He's got everything he needs to get the ring, and I know that he wants to propose, so I can just relax and wait for it to happen.
  • edited December 2011
    I knew it was coming. We picked out the ring together. He told me he had bought the ring. Then he left the ring out for me to see it, multiple times. I didn't know when it would happen. He made us dinner one night and we dressed up. He proposed as we were cleaning up dinner. I was glad I knew it was coming.
    ~~December 3, 2011~~
  • cu97tigercu97tiger member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm glad that I know in a vague sense that it is coming, but don't really know when. We have a few fun things coming up (trip to Vegas, 'staycation' for 4th of July) so really it could be any time. I'm looking forward to the surprise but am starting to have anxiety attacks that I won't have the 'right' reaction.
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  • PaigeMcCPaigeMcC member
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    edited December 2011
    I knew we were headed that way but I didn't know when it would happen.  I really liked it that way...it was a nice surprise;)

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  • DanieKADanieKA member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I think I always thought it should be a surprise. I didn't really realize that so many women had a hand in choosing their engagement ring and timing until I got older and my friends started getting engaged and married. 

    But now, as much as I think about it and browse rings online, I still think I'd like everything to be a surprise. Unless he wants me to go to a jewelry store for sizing, I'd rather he pick out the ring and do the proposal all on his own. We have a very, very general timeline (year to a year and a half), but other than that, I don't wanna know. I don't want to always be in "anticipation mode" and it helps that I know nothing. 
  • edited December 2011
    I would really want to be 100% completely surprised.  Although I wouldn't mind knowing that it was say 6 months or a year or two years away.  

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  • fridaysdancefridaysdance member
    Eighth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I would be crazy if I knew that. Granted, my BF is awful at keeping secrets and will more than likely start dropping hints once he has the ring. (He's done that with any present he ever got me, no matter how small.) He does like to mess with me about having the ring all the time. I know he doesn't, but the wondering keeps things interesting.
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