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Taboo to ask my FI this question????

So my fiance and I had some recent bad luck...We just found out that the money we planned on using for our wedding isn't coming to fruition...Our planned wedding budget was about 10k and the amount of money we are out at this point is about 5k....So at this point we are at half our budget. My fiance says "it's okay" we will make it work but I just don't see how. What we will have to do at this point is count every penney we have and save it and honestly I don't want to be under that kind of stress. We have kids, and to make this work everyone is going to have to suffer....I casually brought up maybe postponing the wedding for say summer of 2011 but it was brought up in a way just to test the waters. After all I love being with her. I dont need the wedding to happen tomorrow or even Aug 7th 2010. I want it to be nice but I don't want us to have to cut corners, or have to ask anyone for money. So at this point do I seriously say "look we need to postpone this"???? I don't want to upset her but I can't see how we can crunch the numbers to make it work. It's not like we are out a couple hundred bucks here....She just graduated nursing school...I am still in school....plus kids...We have so much debt from school a loan isn't even a possibility at this point. the money just isn't there for us to make up at this point....it only seems realistic...What do you gals think????

Re: Taboo to ask my FI this question????

  • and by the way....it's not like invites have been sent...so noone should be upset...we have only invested some money in our hall, and photographer, and dj for security deposits.....so I am sure we could work it out so that we can just change the date and still retain them...
  • I think it is completely reasonable.  And I am so sorry that you find yourself in this position.  I understand that people are excited to get married but I never understood the rush if the money just isn't there.  And of course it will be upsetting, but I would rather be bummed that I have to postpone my wedding then be bummed that one of most important days of my life was down sized.  I would rather wait then cut corners and go thru that stress.  

    Good luck to you both.
  • It really depends on your fiance.  Some girls would rather be married than have a big wedding, some agree with you about not wanting to "cut corners" to make it happen.  Ask her how she feels about it, and if you really do want to postpone, just explain that you want it to be the wedding you both deserve, and it will be worth waiting and saving for.
  • I am under the same situation -

    My FI has been one and off with jobs for the past 2 years as he was laid off due to the "recession".  I have been saving money, but will move in soon to help him pay to keep his house.  All my savings will go there.  Plus, the house is falling apart - both bathrooms are leaking and have water damage!  Lots of $$$ to fix!!  He is digging into the savings he has that would have covered the wedding unless he gets full-time employment.

    If nothing in the job market changes soon (and they are talking lay-offs at my job!) We will HAVE to postpone.  It's a hard thing to do, but I feel we shouldn't put ourselves into debt for a one-day party. 

    I had suggested to him that we elope, have a nice dinner with close friends, and then throw a reception when finances look better again.
  • There is no need to go into debt for one day, and if have a wedding is really important to the both of you and you don't want to cut corners, then maybe you should sit down with her and talk about postponing it. If she just graduated from school and you are in school, I can only imagine the financial burden you are under right now. If you did have the wedding when you planned, would you feel like it wasn't the day that you both really wanted because you cut corners? Would you regret it later, or will you be happy about just getting married and having a day to celebrate it together with loved ones? Definitely talk to her about it. GL!

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  • I think it doesn't hurt to bring up the topic, but maybe she really plans on still making it work with only $5,000.  Lots of brides have awesome weddings for $5,000.  Just look at the Budget Brides and DIY brides.  Even lots of girls on the Etiquette board had budgets in that range (BecW2Be and AmoroAgain, for example) and their weddings were lovely.  You would never look at their photos and think "budget wedding." 
  • Your wedding can still be fantastic on $5,000. I would just tell her how concerned you are, but that you still want to get married, just maybe not right now or not in such a big way. I don't think she'll be hurt by the conversation just the situation. Both you should both talk about it and see what compromises you can make.
  • Ditto the PPs, she needs to know that some type of compromise needs to be made here ... the sooner you bring it up, the sooner you can start working around the budget.

    When DH and I had to make some budget decisions throughout the process. There were some things we were willing to give up (Kiss our "dream venue" goodbye), and other things we just couldn't bring ourselves to cut (We could not imagine getting married without our close family and friends present ... which both coming from big families, still put us at 100 guests). You both need to discuss these same things, and figure out what you can do from there.

    If you guys decide to try and make the $5,000 work for you, then swing on over to the Budget board, there are plenty of Knotties there that can give you lots of great budget-friendly ideas.

    Best Wishes!

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  • Alot of it also depends on how far out you are from your date.  As alot of posters said, many have done wonders with just $5000!  I beleive my FI and I's "budget" is about $7000, so far...  And it seems to be working.  But then again, we are also 11/2 yrs. away too.  So we have some squiggle room.   Perhaps it just means a different way of doing things.  Perhaps it just means post poning if you don't wanna cut corners.  But obviously, you'll definitely wanna talk to her about it.  I think it's sweet you're so worried about her feelings on this...even before you talk to her...
  • Our budget is $5000 and we are going to have an awesome wedding!  It is doable and I'm not even DIYing, I'm terrible at that stuff.  If you want to push the date back, then that's good too. 
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  • If there's a topic in your relationship that is taboo, maybe you really should be pushing back the wedding.
  • BlameCanada...please don't put words in my mouth...My FI and I discuss everything.....and I mean everything...that was not the point of my question...I dont want her to think "OMG he doesn't want to get married now"...Like I said I am totally in love with her...I want to be able to present this in a very caring way without her getting upset. I just wanted to know if I was the only one who's ever had to think of postponing this. If she wanted to do it on a $1000.00 budget I would...but the wedding we had planned with $10k was what she wanted...Now it is half that..I can imagine her disappointment considering the money we are out now is money that I was hoping to get from my finances not hers....And thanks so much for all who have posted...I appreciate the support and advice!!!!!
  • We made major cuts to our wedding budget after my FI and I both lost our jobs within 2 weeks of each other.  We originally started with a 10K budget but are coming in around 6K.  I am perfectly happy with it and would much rather make cuts to my budget than to push off my wedding.  I am so excited to marry my FI and start our official married life together that I would cut the budget and move the wedding to tomorrow if I could. 

    Things that we decided to cut were: the photo booth at the reception (saved$1,30.00), I purchased a less expensive gown then I had originally budgetted, but I love it! (400.00 instead of 900.00). Let the caterer know we may cut numbers due to the budget and she took $600 off the price so we wouldn't have to make cuts (saved 600.00). Decided not to decorate the church other then pew bows (saved 300.00).  Using less flowers at the reception (saving 400.00).  Buying our wedding cake at a chain bakery instead of the local specialty cake shop (saving 350.00).

    It hs almost become a fun game about how much money we can save and still pull off everything we want!  I would just have an honest talk and figure out what works best for both of you.
  • Maybe you should present her with options: we can have the $10,000 wedding you wanted, but next year instead of this year, or we can get married this year and not have the budget for everything we planned.  That way, you're letting her know you still want to get married, but you're letting her decide if it's more important to have it the WAY she wants or WHEN she wants.

    FWIW, my FI and I also have a $10,000 budget and he has mentioned a couple of times wanting to push the wedding back so he can save more money before then.  The big difference with us is that my parents are paying for everything and the only thing he has to purchase is a ring.  I told him we're not pushing back the wedding and losing deposits just so I can have a fancier ring.  We had a small argument about it (he wants me to have a fancy ring, I don't think it's necessary), but came to the compromise that he'll get a simple ring now and if he wants to get a nicer one for our 5th or 10th anniversary he can.


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  • All excellent ideas...Thanks so much..very helpful! I just thought of delaying because of the whole "It's a girls big day" type of mindset, so now that I am emotionally vested in this now I am getting caught up in the "5k is not enough" type of thing...so I thought maybe it would make her happier to have it the way she wanted, even if it had to wait, rather than to make cuts. We will see how it goes!
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