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October 2012 Weddings
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Awkward Situation...

mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in October 2012 Weddings
DH and I are doing our thank you notes right now and I just realized we never got a gift or card from my MOH and her husband.  I'm not sure how to approach this.  If she didn't give one, that's FINE!  I mean, she traveled from Delaware several times for wedding prep, did a lot for the shower, etc.  That being said, she and one of my bridesmaids went in on a gift for the shower and got me a Le Creuset dutch oven so I have a hard time believing that she didn't get a gift for the wedding.  Also, I've known her since I was four, so even if she didn't give a gift, I would be really surprised to not get a card.

I'm not sure exactly what to do.  I want to write a thank you note, but I'm not sure what to say.  Like I said, I'm totally fine with her not giving a gift, especially with all she did for me, I just would have thought she would have said something to me about that.  I don't exactly want to text her and be like, "Hey, you didn't give us a gift for the wedding.  Was that on purpose?" LOL
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Re: Awkward Situation...

  • pzaveczpzavecz
    First Comment
    I think you are only supposed to write TY notes to those who got you a gift.  If she didn't get you one, you don't write a TY note.  I think doing so kinda comes off as you trying to fish for a gift if she didn't get you one.

    Unfortunately, you really can't approach them or anything and ask about whether they got a gift or just forgot...that would be super awkward.  I feel you though.  I really want to for some of our friends and family because there were some people that attended our wedding that didn't get us anything (not even a card!)...that includes some members of our WP and FI's entire side of his immediate family.  Sometimes I wonder if they just forgot but I really can't ask without making it awkward and weird.  We're just not going to write them TY notes.

    I'm thinking that if your MOH did get you something (and it just got lost in transit or something) and realizes that she never got a TY card from you, she might inquire with you to make sure you got it....until that happens, you really shouldn't do or say anything to her about it :(      
    Married since October 14, 2012 - Best Day Ever! Wedding-2
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  • LDubHawksFanLDubHawksFan member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Ditto what pzavecz said.  We had almost a third of our guests not get us anything!  I was totally surprised by this, especially since it is several family members, WP, and friends that we've gone in for presents for other weddings.  We did not write them thank yous and I do not plan to bring it up with them.  You shouldn't bring it up to MOH.  She will either realize that she didn't get you something, or actually didn't intend to.

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  • mbuckley85mbuckley85 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I'm torn about the fact that I really feel like she probably gave a gift.  I just don't want to approach her fishing for it.  But I would also feel awful for not sending a thank you note if there was one.
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  • mana8503mana8503 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    I know what ettique says, but she's your MOH so you're probably super close.  Just be upfront or just send her a thank you for being your MOH and BFF. 

    I didn't get a card or anything from my MOH, but she did make my programs and table numbers (she's a graphic designer) so I sent a thank you card for that and being my MOH and always being an awesome friend. 
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  • samanthaeisnersamanthaeisner member
    First Comment
    I believe the PPs who wrote you only send a TY to those who gave gifts are incorrect.  I am pretty sure you send a TY to anyone who attended the wedding since gifts are not required.

    It is a very awkward situation though.  Have you been in touch with her since the wedding or has she distanced herself?  If she's been distant, maybe she didn't give a gift and doesn't want to say anything.  If everything seems normal between you two, her gift may have been misplaced from the wedding to your home.
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  • lehc723lehc723 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I would definitely still send her a thank you note. Just thank her for all that she did, since it sounds like she did a lot.
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  • ericaandtom2012ericaandtom2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_awkward-situation-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:3708d96c-2b14-42af-9c60-cd8d8484bd60Post:67537324-9423-4d90-8f4a-4988ff83ed4f">Re: Awkward Situation...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I believe the PPs who wrote you only send a TY to those who gave gifts are incorrect.  I <strong>am pretty sure you send a TY to anyone who attended the wedding since gifts are not required. </strong>It is a very awkward situation though.  Have you been in touch with her since the wedding or has she distanced herself?  If she's been distant, maybe she didn't give a gift and doesn't want to say anything.  If everything seems normal between you two, her gift may have been misplaced from the wedding to your home.
    Posted by samanthaeisner[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>The reception is the thank you to the guests for coming to the wedding (ie ceremony).  Thank you notes are for the gifts that they chose to give.</div><div>
    </div><div>OP, I'm not sure what I would do in this situation.  I'd probably send a note saying thanks for being in the wedding and supporting us (blah blah blah etc), if I hadn't included that note with the BM gifts.  It would also depend on how close you are to this girl - she was your MOH, so she's likely your nearest and dearest friend - you could probably get away with asking her about it, making sure it didn't get lost (and also that you don't expect one at all because her being in the wedding and spending all the time on your shower was enough).

    </div>
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  • islandmonkey8islandmonkey8 member
    First Comment
    I have a couple people who H & I wanted to send TY's to but didn't send a gift. If we really wanted to thank them anyway, we sent them thank yous but made sure not to mention a gift. Maybe that could be a way to get her to realize she didn't send a gift and meant to or just clear it up for you that she didn't intend to?
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  • minionloverminionlover member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I wouldn't say anything to her.  I do agree with the others that you might want to send her a TY for being in the wedding though.  You don't want her to think that you are expecting a gift from her.
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  • schnugglebugschnugglebug
    First Comment
    we send everyoen who attended a thank you note (single or couple)... thanking them for sharing our special day...
    regardless if they got us something or not...

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  • brainybrunettebrainybrunette member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_awkward-situation-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:3708d96c-2b14-42af-9c60-cd8d8484bd60Post:67537324-9423-4d90-8f4a-4988ff83ed4f">Re: Awkward Situation...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>I believe the PPs who wrote you only send a TY to those who gave gifts are incorrect.  I am pretty sure you send a TY to anyone who attended the wedding since gifts are not required.</strong> It is a very awkward situation though.  Have you been in touch with her since the wedding or has she distanced herself?  If she's been distant, maybe she didn't give a gift and doesn't want to say anything.  If everything seems normal between you two, her gift may have been misplaced from the wedding to your home.
    Posted by samanthaeisner[/QUOTE]

    <div>This exactly. I had a few weddings guests who did not bring a gift to our wedding (they had sent their gift ahead of time). I thanked them when they sent their gift, but I'm also sending another note thanking them for coming to the wedding.</div><div>
    </div><div>I would send a TY note to your MOH thanking her for all that she did as your MOH. If she asks why you didn't thank her for her gift, then I would say that you never received it.</div>
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  • brainybrunettebrainybrunette member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_awkward-situation-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:3708d96c-2b14-42af-9c60-cd8d8484bd60Post:08dc34fc-d1c4-42ab-92fe-c11421552bbc">Re: Awkward Situation...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward Situation... : <strong>The reception is the thank you to the guests for coming to the wedding (ie ceremony).  Thank you notes are for the gifts that they chose to give. </strong>OP, I'm not sure what I would do in this situation. <strong> </strong>I'd probably send a note saying thanks for being in the wedding and supporting us (blah blah blah etc), if I hadn't included that note with the BM gifts.  It would also depend on how close you are to this girl - she was your MOH, so she's likely your nearest and dearest friend - you could probably get away with asking her about it, making sure it didn't get lost (and also that you don't expect one at all because her being in the wedding and spending all the time on your shower was enough).
    Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]

    <div>I've NEVER thought of the reception as my thank you for attending someone's ceremony. You should write a TY note regardless if someone gave you a gift or not. People still took time out of their busy lives to celebrate with you and you should be gracious and thank them for sharing in your day.</div>
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  • ericaandtom2012ericaandtom2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_awkward-situation-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:3708d96c-2b14-42af-9c60-cd8d8484bd60Post:bfede144-ebc6-447d-ba9e-f0d749e9a787">Re: Awkward Situation...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward Situation... : I've NEVER thought of the reception as my thank you for attending someone's ceremony. You should write a TY note regardless if someone gave you a gift or not. People still took time out of their busy lives to celebrate with you and you should be gracious and thank them for sharing in your day.
    Posted by Nic12184[/QUOTE]

    <div>Yeah, I thanked them for coming when I talked to them at the reception that I hosted to say "thanks for taking time out of your day to come to our wedding".  If I didn't send a couple a gift, but got a TY note for attending their wedding celebration, I would think it was being gift-grabby.  </div><div>
    </div><div>FTR, I did thank people for coming to the wedding, in the TY note for their gift.  I didn't just say thanks for the gift, CYA LATER!</div>
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  • goatlady12goatlady12 member
    First Comment
    I would write her a thank you note thanking her for all she did.  If you don't mention a gift, and she got you one, she will probably call you and say, "Dude, didn't you get my gift?"  If she didn't get you a gift, then no big deal.
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  • pzaveczpzavecz
    First Comment
    edited December 2012
    In Response to Re:Awkward Situation...:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awkward Situation...:In Response to Re: Awkward Situation... : I've NEVER thought of the reception as my thank you for attending someone's ceremony. You should write a TY note regardless if someone gave you a gift or not. People still took time out of their busy lives to celebrate with you and you should be gracious and thank them for sharing in your day.Posted by Nic12184Yeah, I thanked them for coming when I talked to them at the reception that I hosted to say "thanks for taking time out of your day to come to our wedding". nbsp;If I didn't send a couple a gift, but got a TY note for attending their wedding celebration, I would think it was being giftgrabby. nbsp;FTR, I did thank people for coming to the wedding, in the TY note for their gift. nbsp;I didn't just say thanks for the gift, CYA LATER! Posted by ericaandtom2012[/QUOTE]

    This. I believe ericaandtom is right. The reception is the thank you for attending. Additionally, you go around thanking your guests at the reception so writing out another card just to say thanks for attending when you have already done seems like overkill. Also, you risk those who didn't get you a gift thinking you were just trying to fish for one whether that is your intention or not.

    I also did what ericaandtom did and did add in a thanks for sharing our special day note in addition to the gift, but I didn't just send a note for attending.

    OP I don't see anything wrong with sending a note to say thank you for being your moh and helping out so much....sorry, I meant to write that in my initial post. I definitely wouldn't bring up the gift thing though.
    Married since October 14, 2012 - Best Day Ever! Wedding-2
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  • brainybrunettebrainybrunette member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I don't think that expressing gratitude toward someone for sharing in your wedding day is being gift grabby. It's not like I'm writing: thanks for sharing in our wedding day, but where's my gift?

    I like to air on the side of being overly gracious...I've never been pissed off for receiving a thank you note but I have been for not receiving one.

    I guess we'll agree to disagree on this one.
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  • ScaponigroScaponigro
    First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2012-weddings_awkward-situation-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:56b9bcef-1e34-456e-81f5-cfaa107456b2Discussion:3708d96c-2b14-42af-9c60-cd8d8484bd60Post:bc12e5ed-a0af-4a22-a85f-ac58c9876aa7">Re: Awkward Situation...</a>:
    [QUOTE]we send everyoen who attended a thank you note (single or couple)... thanking them for sharing our special day... regardless if they got us something or not...
    Posted by schnugglebug[/QUOTE]


    THIS.
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