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Can I boot my flower girl?

LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
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When my cousin got pregnant and subsequently had a little girl, I felt that she was destined to be my flower girl. As it turns out, I got engaged when she was just barely 2 and I'm getting married when she's not even 3 and a half. She's a WILD child - sweet as pie, but she screams, runs away and basically just doesn't mind well. I love her to pieces, and I would love for her to be my flower girl - when she's a little older. I'm terrified as to what might happen at this age. I've already asked her to by my flower girl - and her mom has agreed...but I've started having nightmares about it lol. I know 2 other (older) girls who would do the job well. No dress has been purchased and no money has been spent - so is it too late to boot my cousin's daughter?

*Side note: said Cousin has been telling family members that Fi and I shouldn't be getting married because he's too quiet and I'm too young (I'm 25!!) Needless to say, we're not thrilled about it. When I tried to talk to her about it she just said she's being protective and that it's no big deal. We haven't spoken in almost 2 months...her choice- not mine.*
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Re: Can I boot my flower girl?

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    danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
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    Yep, you've asked now, it's too late to change your mind.  She would probably be really hurt, her Mom definitely would be really hurt.
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    ohwhynotohwhynot member
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    I thought this was a joke. 

    No, you can't boot your flower girl!  You can ask the others to be flower girls, too, if you'd like.  If she refuses to walk down the aisle or cries or whatever, so be it.  She's not a prop for god's sake!
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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:45547242-f50c-4fe2-997b-456e3c88585d">Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]When my cousin got pregnant and subsequently had a little girl, I felt that she was destined to be my flower girl. As it turns out, I got engaged when she was just barely 2 and I'm getting married when she's not even 3 and a half. She's a WILD child - sweet as pie, but she screams, runs away and basically just doesn't mind well. I love her to pieces, and I would love for her to be my flower girl - when she's a little older. I'm terrified as to what might happen at this age. I've already asked her to by my flower girl - and her mom has agreed...but I've started having nightmares about it lol. I know 2 other (older) girls who would do the job well. No dress has been purchased and no money has been spent - so is it too late to boot my cousin's daughter?
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]
    What do you plan to say to her? I ask because I can't think of a way to word this to your cousin that wouldn't hurt her and her daughter's feelings. Which means you shouldn't do it. You asked her to be the FG, so deal.
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    EmmaBride2BEmmaBride2B member
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    "Sorry Cousin, your kid's a terror and I don't want her to ruin my pretty princess day."

    WTF?
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    louisvillebride21louisvillebride21
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    I think you should cut her. I mean a little demon child like that absolutely cannot be allowed to ruin your day. In fact, I think it might invalidate your marriage if she acts up a bit. HTH!
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    Audrey&AustinAudrey&Austin member
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    edited April 2010
    I don't think she (the flower girl) would care too much, honestly. It would really mess up the relationship you have with her mom. 

    Talk with your cousin about your concerns. You can't cut her daughter. She's a child, not a prop.
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    tidetraveltidetravel member
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    There. Are. No. Words.

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    danieliza1127danieliza1127 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:4b84948b-62dd-4573-a67c-362d3541241b">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I thought this was a joke.  No, you can't boot your flower girl!  You can ask the others to be flower girls, too, if you'd like.  If she refuses to walk down the aisle or cries or whatever, so be it.  She's not a prop for god's sake!
    Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]


    That's a good idea.  You can ask the other girls too and have them all do it together, that way they can keep an eye on her and maybe hold her hand walking down the aisle.  Kids in weddings are always a crap shoot, there is no guarantee they will walk down the aisle properly, in fact they rarely do.  I've always seen it handled by having the kid's parent sitting in an aisle seat so if the kid doesn't make it, the parent can grab them and have them sit with them.
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    AllenBakerAllenBaker member
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    even though she is so young, it's still a hurtful thing to do to the poor child. Not to mention her mother. People won't judge you if she doesn't walk in a perfectly straight line or if she makes a peep. She's a little girl!!! Ask the other girls to walk down with her and hold her hands.


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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:45547242-f50c-4fe2-997b-456e3c88585d">Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]
    *Side note: said Cousin has been telling family members that Fi and I shouldn't be getting married because he's too quiet and I'm too young (I'm 25!!) Needless to say, we're not thrilled about it. When I tried to talk to her about it she just said she's being protective and that it's no big deal. We haven't spoken in almost 2 months...her choice- not mine.*
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]
    Nice little add on, but it still doesn't make it ok to kick out your flower girl. Sorry, you unique snowflake, you.
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    ashmy211ashmy211
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    Are her mom or dad in the wedding also? If so, could they walk down the aisle with her?
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    luckyme502luckyme502 member
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    My flower girl will have just turned four at our wedding.  I can't wait to see her walk down the aisle before me.  And if she runs, or doesn't make it all the way down the aisle or does anything else, it will be okay, because having a "perfect" wedding isn't my goal.  Sharing our special day with everyone is my goal. 
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    goheels05goheels05
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    You chose your flower girl when she was still in the womb?  I don't think I've ever seen that in my 3 years on TK. 
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    september's brideseptember's bride member
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    People understand kids' behaviour. If she has a meltdown, she also has parents to take care of it. It doesn't reflect on you, and it won't ruin your day. Seriously.

    My flowergirl had a mini-meltdown before our entrance at the reception. She walked in with my mom and they danced their way in. You adapt to the situation, so just relax and worry about something else.
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    suz62984suz62984
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    If you really want to have a flower girl ask the other girls as well. I've never been to a wedding with just one flower girl. Usually there is an older girl helping the younger one down the aisle.

    Most of the time the younger ones have fits before the wedding and the parents decide to have them sit with them instead of forcing them to walk.

    Even if she does fuss this isn't a big deal. Half the time the guests think the fussing is amusing. No one really pays attention to flower girls/ring bearers anyways.

    Don't sweat it...but NO you can't boot her.
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    LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
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    Woah - okay. Don't boot her. Got it. I swear I'm not evil - the kid's just wild.

    Oh, and I'm not having a princess wedding - AT ALL. So that's not the issue. I actually think it'd be cute if she acted up a LITTLE - but the child shreiks and just runs off all of the time. I'm having a wedding in a gazebo over a lake, I'm sorta paranoid she'd fall in if she was running around like a hellion.

    Anyway - apparently this was a stupid question. Thanks for the input.
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    tidetraveltidetravel member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:8af2a15f-4914-4da4-9890-b362b890c473">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You chose your flower girl when she was still in the womb?  I don't think I've ever seen that in my 3 years on TK. 
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    It's a clear cut case of people = props for pretty pictures.
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    mandysmearmandysmear member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:45547242-f50c-4fe2-997b-456e3c88585d">Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]When my cousin got pregnant and subsequently had a little girl, I felt that she was destined to be my flower girl. As it turns out, I got engaged when she was just barely 2 and I'm getting married when she's not even 3 and a half. She's a WILD child - sweet as pie, but she screams, runs away and basically just doesn't mind well. I love her to pieces, and I would love for her to be my flower girl - when she's a little older. I'm terrified as to what might happen at this age. I've already asked her to by my flower girl - and her mom has agreed...but I've started having nightmares about it lol. I know 2 other (older) girls who would do the job well. No dress has been purchased and no money has been spent - so is it too late to boot my cousin's daughter? *Side note: said Cousin has been telling family members that Fi and I shouldn't be getting married because he's too quiet and I'm too young (I'm 25!!) Needless to say, we're not thrilled about it. When I tried to talk to her about it she just said she's being protective and that it's no big deal. We haven't spoken in almost 2 months...her choice- not mine.*
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

    My ring bearer cried and refused to go down the aisle.  I still got married.  And actually everyone laughed and thought he was cute.  Took the edge off of both my H and I. 

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    iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
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    I think you ought to prepare for the worst meaning to have your expectations lower.  If she doesn't want to participate in the rehearsal, then you should accept that.  If she decides not to go down the aisle in the wedding, you need to be ready for that.  I think it would be a good idea to have her sit with her mom after walking down the aisle (assuming that she does walk).  It would not be right to ask her to stand during the ceremony - she'll be very bored.  For pictures, be prepared for her to not be interested in that either.

    Hopefully everything will work out and you will have worried for nothing, but if you are prepared to accept what you think she'll do that day, then you won't be as disappointed.  Remember - she's 3 and you can't really expect her to understand what she is doing.

    It's too bad that you've already asked, but unless her mom comes to you to ask not to have her daughter in the wedding, you need to make good on including her.

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    tidetraveltidetravel member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:1df25058-605c-41e0-bfd0-ceff512433af">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Woah - okay. Don't boot her. Got it. I swear I'm not evil - the kid's just wild. Oh, and I'm not having a princess wedding - AT ALL. So that's not the issue. I actually think it'd be cute if she acted up a LITTLE - but the child shreiks and just runs off all of the time. I'm having a wedding in a gazebo over a lake, I'm sorta paranoid she'd fall in if she was running around like a hellion. Anyway - apparently this was a stupid question. Thanks for the input.
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

    Well, if she floats, you'll know she's a witch.
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    LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:8af2a15f-4914-4da4-9890-b362b890c473">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]You chose your flower girl when she was still in the womb?  I don't think I've ever seen that in my 3 years on TK. 
    Posted by goheels05[/QUOTE]

    um...no? lol. She was born and then I figured one day she'd be my flower girl - I just ended up getting engaged earlier than expected. However, I know people who've done that. I didn't though =)
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    EmmaBride2BEmmaBride2B member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:bd9b8d09-46fd-48a3-8411-ad0f92298902">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I boot my flower girl? : Well, if she floats, you'll know she's a witch.
    Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

    <div>Hahahahaha</div>
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    shellydiane820shellydiane820 member
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    edited April 2010
    Where's Daff when you need someone to validate this opinion?
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    AmoroAgainAmoroAgain member
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    I remember when my little sister caught the toss bouquet at a wedding when she was 6.  Now, she wasn't the only kid out there, and it was for our cousin's wedding.  After she caught it, the bride actually asked for the bouquet back and tossed it again, this time announcing that it was for adults only.  She was 6, so she didn't "get" the whole thing, but she sure as hell knew that it was a special thing, and someone had told her she wasn't special enough to have it.

    Do you want to do the same thing to a 3 year old?
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    LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:9e16a797-dd8c-4e61-bcf4-cc85665fa8fe">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Can I boot my flower girl? : Nice little add on, but it still doesn't make it ok to kick out your flower girl. Sorry, you unique snowflake, you.
    Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

    You're too kind. I'm not trying to validate kicking the kid out because her mom hasn't been the nicest ever. I was basically saying that the family situation is already stressed because of her mother's actions so adding another stressor doesn't matter much. My thoughts of asking her to not be flower girl (a term she doesn't understand at all) were really just because the kid is wild. It only took 2 minutes on TK for people to set me straight. I got it, the kid stays. Her mom is going to grab her if she needs to and life will be great. I do, however appreciate the new way to insult someone "you unique little snowflake, you" Precious. Thanks for it =)
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    TurtlesAllTheWayDownTurtlesAllTheWayDown member
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    edited April 2010
    When you agree to have children in your wedding, you have to assume that things might not go according to plan. Hell, I was a flower girl when I was barely TWO. The wedding processional went off without a hitch, but my mother was absolutely certain I'd refuse to go, or cry, or freak out about all the people watching me. But you know, she had valid concerns.

    Kids are kids. They'll behave the way they behave. All your cousin can do is try to explain proper behavior to her daughter and hope it sticks.


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    LDYGTR13LDYGTR13 member
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    Thanks for setting me straight everyone - I think I had a minor meltdown before I posted this. It's been happening a lot lately. Weddings are stressful. Thanks again.
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    AllenBakerAllenBaker member
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:e0aea9ab-22e7-4ad9-bbf6-2e48e3ead8a4">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I remember when my little sister caught the toss bouquet at a wedding when she was 6.  Now, she wasn't the only kid out there, and it was for our cousin's wedding.  After she caught it, the bride actually asked for the bouquet back and tossed it again, this time announcing that it was for adults only.  She was 6, so she didn't "get" the whole thing, but she sure as hell knew that it was a special thing, and someone had told her she wasn't special enough to have it. Do you want to do the same thing to a 3 year old?
    Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

    that seriously broke my heart to read, what's the harm in letting a kid catch the bouquet??? Sometimes they are the best comic relief, and I bet there were at least a couple of single ladies there who were relieved to not have to pretend to dive after it.


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    laurenclaire1386laurenclaire1386
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:c624cd92-1002-4262-b584-3cca5a21f38a">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can I boot my flower girl? : You're too kind. I'm not trying to validate kicking the kid out because her mom hasn't been the nicest ever.<strong> I was basically saying that the family situation is already stressed because of her mother's actions so adding another stressor doesn't matter much.</strong> My thoughts of asking her to not be flower girl (a term she doesn't understand at all) were really just because the kid is wild. It only took 2 minutes on TK for people to set me straight. I got it, the kid stays. Her mom is going to grab her if she needs to and life will be great. I do, however appreciate the new way to insult someone "you unique little snowflake, you" Precious. Thanks for it =)
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]
    Yes, because adding another thing to an already stressed situation will make your life SO much easier. And you're welcome.
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    louisvillebride21louisvillebride21
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_can-boot-flower-girl?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:8034b3d7-533c-4e3e-868d-e96d2aa7bc48Post:fc3091bd-e8ea-46ac-8363-b24f50449e33">Re: Can I boot my flower girl?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thanks for setting me straight everyone - I think I had a minor meltdown before I posted this. It's been happening a lot lately. Weddings are stressful. Thanks again.
    Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]
    Nice thick skin. Lurk some and you'll probably 'make it' around here.
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