Writing a Denial for a Uninvited Guest

nabrighteyes · August 2010

I am not sure that this belongs here but here goes......I have never heard of people just adding others to the RSVP card and spending your money at their leisure. Last week, I received a RSVP where the invitees decided that they were just going to expand my guest list. I have to write a letter denial acceptance of this ill behaved invitee. Our facility has a (100) ATTENDEE MAX. They never called and asked if it was okay...they told us that they are bringing this additional guest. Tell me what you think....

RE: We
dding RSVP

Dear :

It has been brought to our attention that there is some confusion surrounding the invitation for our wedding. We have received several inquiries on how the invites were addressed. Unfortunately, to secure our venue and date of choice, we had to contract the reception facility for a maximum of (100) attendees. Due to this fact, we were not able to extend an invitation to all of our family and friends.

This has been a very difficult decision for us. Each invite was addressed for a maximum of (2) adult guests and forwarded to the individual(s) that the invite was intended. If your invitation was addressed to Mr. & Mrs., we had only intended for these (2) adults to attend as the invitees and in your honor, we reserved (2) place settings for you. If your invitation was addressed for you and a guest, we had intentions for you to attend with (1) guest and once again, we reserved (2) place settings for you as well.

At this time, we have extended invitations for all (100) seats that have been allotted to us by our venue and we are unable to extend any additional invites. If we receive any declines or invitees attending without a guest, we will notify you at your request that additional seating has become available. We apologize for any misconceptions and/or miscommunication. We thank you in advance for your understanding and look forward to seeing you on Our Special Day! Sincerely,

banana468 · August 2010

Don't write a letter. Just call and say, "We apologize for any confusion but the invitation was just for X and Y. We hope you two will still attend."

Writing a letter isn't the way to handle this issue.

SaraAndrew2010 · August 2010

You really don't need to write a long involved letter. What you wrote sounds a little stuck up and condescending. Just call the guests who added extra people to the RSVP and say, "I'm sorry for the confusion, but the invitation was intended to just be for you. Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate so-and-so."

I know it's rude for guests to add people to the RSVP, but it's usually an honest misunderstanding. Your letter will make them feel dumb and scolded. It's much easier to handle this tactfully over the phone. You don't need to give long explanations about why they can't add more people, just say you can't accommodate them.

JanoBean75 · August 2010

I replied on your other post.

kristinanddan · August 2010

Holy not ok batman. Just call, like the others have said. No need for a condescending letter.

tldh · August 2010

When you post on more than one board, please put XP in the post title. The votes here and I believe it was on the E board are unanimous that you need to pick up the phone and call. This letter makes you sound very condescending and like a total biitch.

SarahNicole80 · August 2010

No letter! A brief phone call will be fine.

aerinpegadrak · August 2010

"We're very sorry, but we cannot accommodate extra guests." That's all that you need to say. Your idea sounds horrifying.

jennylove810 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_writing-denial-uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:8a963218-822e-436f-8669-6b64d9becd42Post:c5d29e95-99f0-4d25-a249-7c66a394ca87">Writing a Denial for a Uninvited Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]I am not sure that this belongs here but here goes......I have never heard of people just adding others to the RSVP card and spending your money at their leisure. Last week, I received a RSVP where the invitees decided that they were just going to expand my guest list. I have to write a letter denial acceptance of this ill behaved invitee. Our facility has a (100) ATTENDEE MAX. They never called and asked if it was okay...they told us that they are bringing this additional guest. Tell me what you think.... RE: We dding RSVP Dear : It has been brought to our attention that there is some confusion surrounding the invitation for our wedding. We have received several inquiries on how the invites were addressed. Unfortunately, to secure our venue and date of choice, we had to contract the reception facility for a maximum of (100) attendees. Due to this fact, we were not able to extend an invitation to all of our family and friends. This has been a very difficult decision for us. Each invite was addressed for a maximum of (2) adult guests and forwarded to the individual(s) that the invite was intended. If your invitation was addressed to Mr. & Mrs., we had only intended for these (2) adults to attend as the invitees and in your honor, we reserved (2) place settings for you. If your invitation was addressed for you and a guest, we had intentions for you to attend with (1) guest and once again, we reserved (2) place settings for you as well. At this time, we have extended invitations for all (100) seats that have been allotted to us by our venue and we are unable to extend any additional invites. If we receive any declines or invitees attending without a guest, we will notify you at your request that additional seating has become available. We apologize for any misconceptions and/or miscommunication. We thank you in advance for your understanding and look forward to seeing you on Our Special Day! Sincerely,
Posted by nabrighteyes[/QUOTE]

Who would you be sending this to? Why are you writing it so formally? This sounds so mechanical and corporate... ditto PPs, just make a quick (friendly) phone call.

loop0406 · August 2010

Don't write a letter

Phone call works best in this case

kristinrotondo · August 2010

Ditto PPs. If these are such close friends/family that they made a 100-person guest list cut, I think a phone call is MUCH better than the harsh-sounding letter above. I hate awkward phone calls (or phone calls of any kind, really), but in the long run, a phone call will serve your relationship with these guests much much better. Good luck!

squirrly · August 2010

The guest is probably just confused and unaware they weren't invited with a guest. Just call and let them know.

"Hi Suzy! We got your RSVP in the mail last week, and we're so happy you and Jim can make it. Unfortunately, I think there was a misunderstanding about little Bobby and Mary. We're really just not able to invite everyone with whom we would like to celebrate, so unfortunately, we just couldn't invite all the kids. We'd love to have dinner with all of you after we're back from the honeymoon, and we really hope you and Jim will be able to find a sitter and still attend and enjoy."

If they decline because their guest can't come, so be it. However - if you have failed to invite an SO (spouse, FI, or a bf/gf) this is really on you and you need to find a way to correct the situation and include the SO. Couples must be invited as a social unit, without exception. And, drawing the line at engaged vs not isn't really suitable - it's not for you to judge their relationship. If they're together, they get invited together.

But, above all - do NOT send that letter. That sounds like something you'd get from a lawyer, delivered by a process server. It would be going to a member of your family or to a friend - is that harsh attitude really the way you want to treat your nearest and dearest?

[Deleted User] · August 2010

I'm going to take a slightly different approach, but I totally agree with everyone who said, "absolutely do not send that letter" unless, perhaps, these are friends or relatives you really never want to see again anyway.

If your maximum is 100, there is virtually no chance all 100 will show even though they have responded affirmatively - it just never happens so you will have a couple of unfilled seats. If iit's just one couple bringing a guest, I just wouldn't make a big deal of it. Your lifetime relationship with friends and family is far more important than your head count. If, however, a pattern builds up and several people will be maxing out your count, then you will have to make those phone calls.

Lisa50 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_invites-paper_writing-denial-uninvited-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:cd062f89-8272-496a-b0ab-225e1f87acecDiscussion:8a963218-822e-436f-8669-6b64d9becd42Post:15921c35-7104-4cfc-9168-4d7910cf3f87">Re: Writing a Denial for a Uninvited Guest</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't write a letter. Just call and say, "We apologize for any confusion but the invitation was just for X and Y. We hope you two will still attend." Writing a letter isn't the way to handle this issue.
Posted by banana468[/QUOTE]

Ditto! Phone call -- short and sweet -- is all it takes. There is no long explanation needed. I had to do this when I married the first time. More than one person did it.

Best of luck!!

ejoyce8 · September 2010

Ditto on the phone call, short, sweet, and simple

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